


Summer Camp || Taegyu/Yeonbin

by Haohaocity



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Beomgyu has ptsd lol, Closeted Taehyun, Closeted beomgyu, Homophobia, Jimin is non-binary, M/M, PTSD, Pining, Seventeen and enhypen are mentioned, Slow Burn, Soobin questions his entire life choices, Trans Character, Trans Taehyun, Transphobia, Yeonjun homophobic at first oops, bts - Freeform, taekook, txt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-17 19:28:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 33
Words: 58,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29230797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Haohaocity/pseuds/Haohaocity
Summary: Five boys meet in a two month long summer camp for Christian youth. Each have their own story. Beliefs are built and destroyed. Friendships and relationships are formed. And they only have 60 days until it's all overWattpad: @haohaocity
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Kang Taehyun, Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun
Comments: 2
Kudos: 26





	1. Day 0

You're probably wondering how these five boys ended up around the campfire of their two-month summer camp for Christian youth huddled together in soaking wet clothing while crying their hearts out.

But first, you have to know how everything began. Meaning how each boy ended up at the camp, and where they had been before. 

Boy 1, Choi yeonjun.   
The musical prodigy. He can play 6 instruments, has perfect pitch, and can dance incredibly well. He's been the lead singer in his Church chorus since 15, and he wants to become a choreographer and vocal coach after graduating high school and getting a degree in Music Education. His Mom is never really home, and his Dad left when when he was little, so he became very close with the women in his Church. One particular old lady who he thought of as a grandparent told him how she had recently signed up to be a director at a Church Camp and begged him to go. He agreed since he didn't have many summer plans anyways and it'd be nice to get out of doing house chores for two months. 

Boy 2, Choi Soobin.   
He has perfect grades and a perfect reputation. He never gets in trouble, only hangs out with people his parents think are good for him, and never has done anything bad for himself or others, he attends his Church back in Seoul every Sunday, and wakes up early every morning to study the bible with his parents, he attends youth activities every Wednesday and goes preaching with his parents on Saturday's. He's been sheltered from anything unholy by being home-schooled and taught by his grandparents who lived on his family's farm with him. He had 7 siblings who all were expected to not date until 20 and to only get married to a faithful Christian of the opposite gender. He rarely leaves his farm and isn't allowed to have a phone or watch tv, and any books he reads have to be centred around the gospel. His parents decided to send him to camp with all his male siblings so he could get more in touch with God.

Boy 3, Choi Beomgyu.   
He has lived with his Grandparents ever since he and his parents got into a car crash. His Mom died instantly and his Dad died 17 hours later in surgery. He survived with minor brain damage, a broken leg and a fractured collar bone. He was very close with them and he tries his best not to feel guilty for being the only survivor, even though it can be hard at times. It's been 6 months since the crash and he still hasn't told his Grandparents that he is gay. They are very Christian and expect him to be as well. He loves them but he knows they won't accept him, and he semi believes in God, so he tolerates it. They thought Camp would cheer him up since he's been feeling down since the crash. 

Boy 4, Kang Taehyun   
He had grown up Christian but identifies as agnostic and Buddhist leaning. He loves his family and the joy that the religion brings them so he doesn't ever pick fights about having to go to church with them. After all, they accepted him when he came out as transgender, female to male 6 years ago at the young age of 11. It did take them a good 2 years, but he was eventually able to convince them that it was what was best for him and he was able to start his transition into the right gender. They cut his hair, bought him a binder, and started hormones. He got chest surgery done around 5 months ago and he had healed well. He had been homeschooled because of bullying due to his identity for about 3 years, but he just moved to Daegu so he will be going in person again for his last year. . His parents said he needed some more friends, and offered to get him a puppy if he went to the Church Camp his little sister had been wanting to go to. She wouldn't be able to go unless their parents knew she would have someone she knew and trusted there. 

Boy 5, Huening Kai.   
Best friend's with his sister Lea. They were a crazy duo and were inseparable. They both loved singing and playing the guitar, and both wanted to become graphic designers. Lea had been invited to camp by her friend Seri, and she couldn't spend 2 months without him. So she had suggested that he go along too. Kai was kind of hesitant since they never really went to church, to begin with, but if it meant more friends he was okay with it. Even if one of the rules was that cabins were split up by gender and he wouldn't see her as often.

Now the camp itself was located off of Busan and most of the boys lived in or around Seoul. Which was about a four-hour drive. Taehyun and Beomgyu however only lived an hour away in Daegu.

Soobin had been packed tightly in a van filled to the brim with five of his siblings, his Dad and Grandfather, and several suitcases and bags. It was crowded and his sister insisted on playing the same 15 songs on a loop for most of the ride. The air conditioner barely worked and everyone was sweating, he tried to sleep but his neck had been crammed at such a weird angle that it was impossible. Not the best experience for him but he never was one to complain.

Beomgyu had sat listening to music in his headphones or sleeping for most of the way. He didn't feel too much of anything, other than hoping he wouldn't end up crushing on a straight boy again at his time here. Or he wouldn't have to get the dead parents' pity from any more old ladies. 

Yeonjun had went to the camp a day early with the woman who invited him. They shared stories about disaster cooking and funny childhood moments, or stupid things her grandchildren did recently. He slept for part of it and drove for the other portion since he felt bad that she'd been driving for so long.

Taehyun had talked with his little sister about my little pony for a while. She was 11 but she still was obsessed with it. He was the one driving but he still let her pick the music, so they sang twice and blackpink for the whole of an hour until arriving at the camp. She even made fun of his voice cracks that he was still getting two years into hormones therapy along the way.

Kai and Lea took a plane, which wasn't too long, and they watched Happy feet and ate little peanuts served by the flight attendants. Then they took an uber to the camp and made small talk with their driver who was originally from China but had recently moved to be with his long-term girlfriend.

When arriving all 5 were told of how the camp was located at the edge of a forest at the bottom of a mountain, and the majority of it was surrounded by lakes, one very large in particular. Throughout the site were different groups of cabins and fire pits marked by signs labelled with ages and gender. Each group was split into sections of ages in 3 years of each other (for example 16-19 or 13-16). And no one under the age of 9 or above the age of 19 was allowed to be a camper unless they were on the younger side and had a parent as a staff director. Most of the youth were around the ages of 13-19 though, and most of them were females. In the very center of the camp was a large wooden building divided into three sections, one for scripture study, one for activities, and one for eating. On one side of the camp was a smaller building shaped like a house that was dedicated to arts and crafts. The other side of the camp had obstacle courses and archery ranges. And at the edge of the biggest lake was a dock and shed filled with canoes and life jackets next to a stone staircase pit where they'd have nightly gospel sharing and teaching ended with prayer before being sent to bed. 

Every camper was given a list of items to bring. Which included a flash flight, a swimming suit, multiple pairs of modest clothes and shoes, scriptures, a map of the camp (printed from the website or pick up at the entrance), age group and a camp t-shirt (also found at the entrance), Sunday dresses and slacks, soaps and other shower needs, and hairbrushes and oral hygiene products.

They were also rules they were expected to follow to avoid having a call home.

1\. No bullying, gossiping, or bad-mouthing others  
2\. No cursing, or taking the Lord's name in vain  
3\. All campers in bed by 9:00 pm  
4\. All campers awake by 7:30 am  
5\. No dating  
6\. Have faith  
7\. No violence or illegal actions.   
8\. Phones stay off and put away until phone times (listed in camp book), or during meal times.  
9\. No sleeping in the opposite gender's cabins  
10\. No disrespect of the gospel.

Only 60 days thought. What could happen?


	2. Day 1

"Um hi, are there any more beds in here?" Taehyun voiced at the wooden door of the creaky cabin while toying with the strap of the bag on his back.

He was nervous, to put it mildly. He was fearful that his fellow camp goers would know of his birth sex and push him away, leaving him to be alone and cast away for the entirety of the 60 days. He still thought of his voice as high pitched and his face as feminine, or his hips too wide for the average male, but he didn't know if others thought the same. He had no idea what people saw him as since his vision of himself was so disoriented. 

Eight boys turned around, some wearing dull green shirts marked "Camp David" others with bright yellow ones saying "Upper levels", all of them having black hair. One taller boy with thick glasses smiled apologetically. 

"Sorry man, only four bunks, all taken."

"O-okay, thank you."

"Yep."

Taehyun awkwardly turned around, cursing in his head, and shut the door behind him. He had only been here for an hour but he felt so weird, every friend he had ever had growing up was female and now he was being shoved headfirst into a world of boy. Which of course he was glad he was being classified as, but a part of him wished he could just go to a female cabin. It would be easier to make friends that way.

He rolled his suitcase over the twigs and leaves and looked around the group of cabins. He had already checked almost all of them for space, but none had any. He should have gotten here earlier, he had spent so much time helping his sister get settled that he didn't know if there was even room for him anymore.

Knocking on the door of the last cabin, he held his breath, pushing it open.

"Any more room in here?"

A tall boy with dark hair looked up from the bag he was pushing on the top bunk to the left. He gave a friendly, warm smile that showed off his dimples.

"Yeah, we have four empty beds actually, you can take the one under me."

Taehyun grinned and pulled in the suitcase. 

"Thank you so much, I thought everyone was full already and I'd have to sleep by the fire-pits."

"Oh, no way. Apparently, most of the people have been going here since they were ten, so they all have friend groups. We're the only ones who don't know each other, leaving lots of room." 

"Oh okay." 

Taehyun slid off the bag on him and put it on the bottom bunk, and slid the suitcase under the frame. 

"So you all are new?"

Everyone in the room nodded. Just like the cabins before everyone had naturally black hair, Taehyun had platinum blonde so he felt like a traffic cone, but one boy came up behind him and wrapped an arm around his shoulder. He had ashy light blonde.

"I seriously thought I was going to be the only one here with good style."

The shorter looked up and gasped. 

"Oh my god! I was seriously contemplating sneaking out and buying dye."

The tall boy who had offered to share a bunk frowned and shook his head.

"Hey! Rule number 2! No taking the lord's name in vain."

"Oh... sorry, I'm not really used to all this," He mumbled as he made a circling hand gesture.

"It's okay, just be careful next time. I'm Soobin."

"Taehyun."

"Is that a day6 shirt?" Pointed the other blonde.

"Yeah, they are my favourite group."

"Mine too! I'm Yeonjun, who's your bias?"

"Dowoon, yours?"

"Jae."

While the two talked about different groups, Taehyun momentarily looked over at a boy on the other side of the room who was sitting on one of the bottom bunks in a black shirt, black ripped shorts and a grey hooded jacket. He was picking at his nails and looked bored, or sad, he couldn't tell. But he was the only one not talking to anyone else. Soobin was talking to a tall boy who appeared to be mixed, and he and Yeonjun were talking. 

"Who's that?" He whispered.

"Oh, I don't know. He hasn't said anything."

"Huh."

Taehyun looked between the two and trailed over to the boy, sitting down next to him.

"What's your name?" he asked softly.

The boy looked surprised, but a small smiled began to form on his face. 

"Beomgyu..."

"Oh cool, I'm Taehyun. How old are you?"

"Eighteen."

"Oh, so you're my Hyung! I'm seventeen."

Beomgyu little smile only grew and he stared at him for a little bit before sitting up, grabbing his phone from off the window seal.

"Can I have your number... the youth leaders came by and said we have a buddy system. Could we maybe be buddies?" 

"Sure! I didn't hear about a buddy system."

"Yeah, you can't go anywhere without them, it's for safety reasons, I don't know anyone else, it's my first year."

"Mine too!"

The tall mixed boy came over and interrupted them.

"We all are going to go to the main building to get lunch, do you want to come?"

"Sure."

When walking down the dirt path towards the building Beomgyu and Taehyun trailed behind the other three. 

"I like your hair." Mumbled Beomgyu.

He thought it was pretty. He always likes blonde hair, and he and Yeonjun were some of the only people he had seen all day with dyed hair. And he was one of the first people here. His grandparents were worried about getting here late, so he showed up three hours early. Leaving him to sit in his bunk quietly in boredom until Soobin showed up, who began asking him about where he was from. Soobin kind of made him nervous though, he was friendly, almost to the point that it seemed like he was a robot who was programmed to always be nice and greet people at hotels or something. He seemed a little too perfect. but Taehyun seemed genuine and relaxed. 

"Thank you, I was really worried about it when I first got here."

"I get that."

Comfortable silence swarmed the two. They walked shoulder to shoulder, the fabric of skin occasionally brushing. Taehyun was boiling in the heat of the summer and furrowed his eyebrows at the amount of clothing the other was wearing. 

"Aren't you hot?"

Beomgyu looked down and held out his harms covered by the soft material of his jacket. 

"Not really. I have kinda bad anemia, so I get cold a lot."

"Oh, that makes sense. My cousin has that."

The voices of the boys in front of them once again filled their lack of conversation. They were talking about how they all ended up at the camp, a conversation lead by Soobin.

"I'm friends with one of the directors."

"My sister wanted me to go with her and her friend."

"My parents offered it, sounded fun..... what about you two?"

Taehyun and Beomgyu looked at each other briefly. 

"My grandparents made me come."

"Well.. my sister was going, and my parents bribed me with a puppy."

Soobin stopped and looked at them in confusion.

"So you didn't want to come?"

"Not really."

"No."

"Why not? New friends, you get closer with god, you get to see nature!" Soobin exclaimed. 

Taehyun felt awkward again, he didn't want to explain how he was terrified of being pushed around by Christians for being transgender. And Beomgyu didn't want to tell if the fight he had with his Grandparents about and how he never leaves his house.

The blonde scratched his neck and looked at the boy's neck to him.

"Well, I'm kind of a Buddhist??? I have nothing against Christianity though! It's a wonderful religion, I just don't resonate with it as much" taehyun rushed out.

Soobin began to walk again and sported a confused look. 

"That's weird... my mom said no one was Buddhist anymore."

"What? It's like the fourth most followed religion in the world though?" Exclaimed Kai, the other tallboy.

"Yeah, Didn't you learn that in school?"

"I'm homeschooled- and that's what my mom said."

"I think your mom needs to update her textbooks Hyung."

"....I guess.... what about you Beomgyu? Why didn't you want to come."

"I am super gay" is what he wanted to say. But he opted with the classic "oh I'm just really introverted, ya know?"

"We'll bring you out of your shell then!" Soobin cheered.

Yeah, that was nice and all. But Beomgyu would much rather just stay in his bed and draw all day than hang out with a whole bunch of people who would probably hate him for who he loved. The drawing was much easier than talking. Within the colours of black, white, and grey that a pencil brought, or the soft shades of pink and blue given by chalks and pastels, he could say what he wanted without harsh criticism, or what he wasn't able to put into words. His mind would explode onto a paper in the best ways imaginable. And it was easier to open up to a piece of paper than someone who just wouldn't understand. Never has he met someone like him, he's only heard about them through the news or western tv shows. And without the support of the only people who knew about his secret, Beomgyu felt alone, so much to the point that he was trying to learn English to move to a different country that would better understand and accept him, and maybe even find someone to share his life with. Within Korea, it was so uncommon of a thing to even think of being something other than straight. Especially within a camp full of people who were strong believers of a God who wanted people like him to burn forever in the pits of hell. He didn't quite know if he believed in this God, but he was sure if he did exist that he would be a lot kinder to people like him, and welcome him home with wide arms and a warm smile. And his parents would give him loving kisses the second he'd reach the gates of Heaven. But of course, that was just wishful thinking. A different part of him knew and believed that after his crash his parents simply faded into oblivion and that the stories of every religion were just mere stories passed on throughout generations, and that only science existed. 

And when everyone gathered in this pit of stone steps by the lake, and the leaders, directors, and preachers were talking about how the key to faith was family and loving others, all Beomgyu could think about was how he was completely and utterly alone in the camp. He knew no one, and friend groups and cliques had already been formed. 

"Hey, are you okay?" nudged Taehyun.

"Yeah, just tired." he chuckled before starting at the lake that showed under the moonlight. 

Taehyun seemed decent though if that meant anything.

59 days left to go


	3. Day 2

The feeling where it seems like you're floating above your body, when you feel somehow you projected outside of it a few inches away, and you're watching yourself act and move without really knowing how you're doing it. Seeing words fly out of your mouth, and conversation buzz past your ears out into the unknown. Where you are swimming and gasping for air under the surface of icy waters of an unknown ocean, salt cutting your skin and ripping open your pores, but somehow it doesn't bother you, it just feels numb like you are experiencing it behind a blurry film covered with the smudged fingerprints of others attempts to make you see and hear them. And the crackling fire in front of you, and the people sitting next to you on mossy logs are just another sensation that you can barely feel. You’ll think that the thick melted marshmallow covered in chocolate will somehow bring you out of it, but it doesn't, it just makes you wonder how an hour turned into both seconds and hours all at once, and you can barely remember what you did 5 minutes ago.

Beomgyu began to be entranced by the fire, and the dirty grey smoke filled his lungs, fingers grasping onto the smooth texture of the blanket provided to him by the camp. 

"Beomgyu. Truth or dare?"

He looked up, his head moved like it was  
Set in slow motion by some unknown editor behind the screen of his life. 

"Truth." Words bubbled out his mouth, feeling like poison. Taking every last bit out of his strength to form. 

"What's the most embarrassing music you listen to?"

He couldn't even remember what he usually listened to, embarrassing or not. His thoughts were blank.

"I don't know." His voice was flat and quiet.

"That's not embarrassing!”

"I don't listen to music so..."

"Then what do you usually listen to?"

"Troye Sivan mostly."

"Who's that?" Asked Soobin.

"Oh.... uh, he's a western artist." He mumbled as shivers raked through his chest due to being cold. 

"Isn't he gay?" Asked Yeonjun who had been poking a stick at the fire.

He paled and zoned in on the flames again, not making any eye contact with the people around him.

"Yeah.”

"...What's gay?" Whispered Soobin.

Just about everyone snapped their heads to the tall boy who almost always seemed to be confused at something they said.

"You're joking right?" Spoke Kai.

"....no?"

"You need to get out more."

Taehyun rubbed his hands together and caressed his brow bone, before making his way to sit next to Soobin.

"Hyung, you know how the Bible said marriage is between a man and a woman?"

A little nod was given as Yeonjun stood up to put more wood in the fire 

"Some men decide to marry other men, and some women decide to marry other women.

“Oh... my Dad just always called those people faggots....or sinners, sometimes both." 

"So does my Mom." Yeonjun voiced from the woodpile a few feet away "But as long as they don't flirt with me it doesn’t affect me.”

Beomgyu visibly flinched and shut his eyes tight at the laughter he heard. Every chuckle echoed and bounced off the walls of the inside of his skull, reminding him that he was the only different one here.

He pushed leaves and twigs into the bottom of the fire with his foot and peeled off a piece of bark off the stick he had been using for his marshmallows. He exhaled the large breath he sucked in and rolled his eyes.

"Him being gay doesn't affect his music. He is still talented, I personally like him. I can see why Beomgyu does." 

The said boy looked over at the voice and saw Taehyun with an almost knowing and empathetic smile. 

"That's true." 

"Yeah, I guess."

Beomgyu searched the other's face and found no judgment, so he looked to the ground and smiled before meeting his eyes again.

"Thank you." He mouthed.

Another smile.

Later that night Beomgyu stayed by the fire pit with a drawing pad and colourful pastels next to him when everyone decided to sleep. It was past curfew but he just wanted some time away to himself. The camp schedule was so packed that he had a hard time breathing. And if a director were to see awake him he would get scolded.

His fingers held on the grey tool and swirled it around the paper in the form of an eye. In the center of the sheet was an abstract soft blue, green, and yellow face smiling forward towards him, and surrounding it were dark grey and black watchful and judgmental eyes bleeding down the work, but never touching the face. A small white aura around parts of the face blurred out some of the eyes, and the bright indigo crying eye was located in the center of the face's forehead, swirling off and down its cheeks and neck. 

"That's cool."

Beomgyu jumped and pastels flew onto the ground, rolling around. He looked behind him and he knew he was screwed. A muscular boy with wavy hair barely past his ears, who looked a few years older than him stood wearing a navy blue shirt with white words saying "Youth camp leader." And he twirled the small flashlight in his hand with a laugh. 

"I'm sorry! I'll go to bed now." Scrambled Beomgyu as he crawled onto the ground to pick up the mess he made. 

"You know Youth camp leaders aren't supposed to be up as well? Only the old people can."

"Wait so-"

"I'm not here to report you to the Jesus police no."

A sigh pushed past his lips and he satt back onto the log, the boy sitting next to him, gesturing to his book.

"Can I see?"

"s-sure."

The fingers of the male held onto the edge of the pad, eyes darting over it.

"What is it? Like I know what it is, but what’s the meaning?” 

"Um, it about people who care among those who don't," Beomgyu mumbled as he drew patterns in the dirt under his worn-out black converse. 

"That's deep." 

The sound of pages flipping ripped into his core and his heart boomed down his chest and into his legs. 

“Wait!” He rushed and tried to grab the book.

“Oh, that’s cool. Are they two guys?”

The youth leader was now staring at a pink and yellow watercolour portrait of two boys holding each other’s faces staring longingly with small smiles on their faces. It was a scene from a french tv show he had watched a few months ago. Elliot and Lucas were the characters and he loved them, and he drew them a few times, and it was very obvious that they weren’t looking at each other in just a friend's way. 

“....”

Beomgyu’s face radiated a rose-red colour and he felt fear and nauseous sprinting in his lungs. 

“Do you mind if I take a picture of this and show my boyfriend?”

The younger did a double-take and a little “your what?” 

“Boyfriend.”

“Oh um sure..”

“Don’t worry I won’t tell anyone. I don’t want to out you... if you are... I’m not trying to assume.”

“I am”

Beomgyu just came out for only the second time, the first was to his parents a month before the crash. He only had done it because he knew the older was also like him.

“I’m Jungkook. What’s your name?”

“Beomgyu.”

“Ok, I’ll tell you this Beomgyu. Most of the youth leaders don’t actually want to be here. At least the male ones. All of us are either super gay, stoners, do witchcraft, are against organized religion, or just don’t believe in God. I don’t know what your whole standpoint is on everything but you’re obviously afraid to be who you are here. You can come to the leader’s cabin anytime you want and be yourself ok?”

“...really?”

“Yeah, we have air conditioning and a kitchen. Do you want to go now?”

“Can we?”

“Mhm.”

Beomgyu picked up his things, and quickly put them in his cabin before following Jungkook down the dirt road. It was dark and weird sounds were coming from the woods, but the leader seemed confident that everything was safe, and he knew where he was going. 

“Hey guys and other, I found a child!” Announced Jungkook as he barged into the very big cabin. Six boys turned around, one with soft pink hair jumped up

“Kook uou can’t just kidnap people!” 

“I’m not! He wanted to come! Beomgyu these are the leaders.”

“H-hi.”

“Can I tell them?” Jungkook whispered.

“Um yeah.”

“Ok so basically he’s gay and he needs some fellow homo friends, so we are adopting him.”

“You’re wha-“

“Oh cool! I’m Hoseok. I’m bisexual.”

“Jin. Asexual.”

“Namjoon. Unfortunately straight and no one will leave me alone about it.”

“Jimin. Non-binary and queer, you can call me any pronouns you want, but the default is they/them.”

“Taehyung, I’m just confused.”

“Yoongi. Pan.”

“And you know me. I don’t use labels.” Smiled  
Jungkook. 

Beomgyu stood in complete shock. He’d never once met another person of the LGBT, but now he was surrounded by a whole room of them. And he almost dropped to the floor when Jungkook took off his thin black jacket, revealing a sleeve of tattoos.

“We have an extra bunk. You can sleep here and just head back to yours in the morning. We wake up early so you’ll have time.”

“Thank you...”

Beomgyu spent the rest of the night staying up way talking about Jimin’s pink hair scaring the old men at the cafeteria and how Jungkook and his boyfriend (he never said his name) almost got caught making out underneath the lake dock. Or how Taehyung hexed the camp director during last years camp and he got the flu so bad he left two weeks early. And he felt heard when explaining about his grandparents and how he was forced to come, turns out most of the leaders had been forced to come as well and had been for several years. 

“Don’t tell anyone about the secret alcohol cabinet!” Whispered Hoseok who had delivered him at his cabin early the next morning.

“I won’t Hyung!”

He tip-toed into his cabin and quietly slid underneath the covers of the blanket. Hiding the bag of mochi’s that Namjoon gave him between the bed and the wall.

Maybe camp wasn’t as bad as he thought. Even it it did smell like old people perfume and deer shit most of the time. 

Only 58 days left.


	4. Day 3

Taehyun had been hiding in the bathrooms for 20 minutes now. Some boys from a different cabin in his level had stolen his clothes and towel while he was showering and he was freezing, hoping someone would come to save him. And it's not like he could call someone, he had left his phone on his bunk since they weren't allowed to use it during activities and lessons. He couldn't run out and take a break for the spare towels down at the other end of the bathrooms because someone could walk in and see that he wasn't 100% boy. 

He shivered with his arms folded in front of his chest, goosebumps present on his skin, little droplets of water falling from his hair, lips frosted in light blue. 

"Assholes." He muttered under his breath and shifted his weight from one foot to the other.

A squeaking of the door echoed across the room. Laughter and conversation quickly following.

He didn't recognize the voices and he shuffled back against the wall when a rattling came from the shower handle.

"is someone in there?"

"Yes.”

"Oh, are you gonna be out soon? It's youth leader's night to clean the showers."

"Ummm... well... my clothes and towels got stolen."

"Are you serious?"

"Yes."

A ruffling of a plastic bag was found outside the door before a pair of green swimming trunks flew over the edge of the shower door. 

"I only have these, sorry... we were gonna go swimming after this." 

"It's okay, thank you!" Taehyun spoke while he fumbled to get the item.

He slipped them on a wrapped his arms around his chest, covering the two light purple and white lines going across his chest, and opened the door. 

A tall boy with tanned skin and another skinny one with shaft light brown hair stared back at him. He flushed and tried to keep his chest covered with one hand and kept the shorts which appeared a few sizes too big from falling off his hips with the other. 

The thinner one chuckled "Sorry, maybe we should have given you mine instead. We didn't know you were that small." 

Insecurity hit him. He was small because he had been born with the frame of a female. His bones naturally grew more narrow and even though he was kind of tall, he still was almost tiny in a way. His hip bones were noticeable and in a different shape than most males. And his ribs weren't wide and he had a dainty waist, it made him have an hourglass shape, something his fellow male peers didn't have.

The tan boy in front of him is what he wished he looked like. He had toned arms and wide shoulders, long muscular legs, and a masculine-looking face.

Taehyun didn't even have enough muscles to do the "faith-building" obstacle course earlier in the day. He was able to balance on the thick rope going from one tree to the other, but he couldn't pull himself up the other one hanging from a metal pole, and he fell on his butt causing his cabin-mates and other girls and boys in his level to laugh at him. Like a taunting track in the back of a horror movie.

The thought they would all start chanting "We know you're secret" and "girl" haunted him.

He felt so embarrassed. He knew everyone would probably forget about it within a few minutes, but he snuck off and hid in the arts and crash building and cried in the empty room until he heard the dinging of the camp bell saying it was lunchtime. And he couldn't stop cringing at the look given to him by the group of a boy who would later steal his clothes. It was filled with judgment and radiated being completely weirded out by his presence. 

He had just had a bad day. He fell on his ass in front of his entire level, had someone spill kool-aid all over his camp shirt, and was told "he needed to find the path to Jesus again." by one of the teachers when she pointed out his blonde hair in the middle of the lesson, only to be left naked and cold in the showers. 

Thinking about everything, he went and grabbed a white towel from the stack of camp provided items at the end of the bathrooms, wrapping it around his shoulders, still grasping the shorts.

"We'll be cleaning for a bit, you can go back to your cabin and change, and just come back."

"Okay..."

He walked out the tiled room and winced at the sticks and leaves against his bare feet brought by every step he took, the occasional pebble stabbing his toes. He should have asked to borrow shoes

"Oh, there he is." teased a voice moments before his feet touched the steps of his cabin.

"Found clothes?"

"Please leave me alone." He whispered with his back turned away from the short and stubby boy next to two others from his cabin.

"But don't you want your clothes back?"

He turned and looked at the purple hoodie in his hands and the smirk ok his face.

"I'll just go change first." He rushed and grasped the handle of the rusting Cabin door.

"Woah Woah Woah."

The white towel fell from his shoulders and he gasped, covering himself with his hands. He yelped and tried to push himself into the cabin as fast as he could, but failed due to a hand holding him back, fingernails digging into his skin, harshly throwing him back into a chest. 

"Do you mind?!" He shrieked, arms shielding his chest.

"No." 

In one movement his hoodie was wrapped around his face and tied behind his neck. Blocking his vision. He was flung forward a few inches and his hands met the door of the cabin. The sounds of leaves crunching under shoes and laughing away from him made him hurry to open the door and hold his knees, breathing heavily. He sighed and undid the knot behind his head. 

"I wanna go home." He whispered with a throwing of the hooding onto a random bunk. 

The fabric of distressed denim brushed his knees when he pulled on a pair of shorts and a red baseball tee. He folded the green swimming trunks and put them underneath his arm. 

Pieces of bright blonde hair swayed in front of his eyes, shades of brown and green walked by when he made his way back up the path to the restrooms, this time wearing shoes.

"Hey! Where is your buddy? A short lady with wrinkles and peppery hair scolded at a turn in the road.

"Oh um... he's at the bathrooms??"

Honestly, he didn't know where Beomgyu was, he was really quiet and never said where he was going when separating from the group, he even sat some of the youth leaders during lunch today, and Taehyun's pretty sure he didn't even sleep with him and the others last night. He really couldn't figure him out, he was impossible to read and he only knew that he liked to draw and that he listened to Troye Sivan. Taehyun wanted to take him and crack him open already, he was was both impatient and curious, not a good combo when talking about his "buddy".

"Why do you leave him?"

"I uh had to go get something real quick and he was in the shower."

"Okay hurry up then."

"Alright, thank you, Ma'am. Have a good day."

"You to sweetheart."

His feet began to thud against the ground and sped walked to the bathroom. 

"Here are your shorts, thank you so so much."

"No problem. If you need anything else I'm Mingyu, cabins are up by the archery range, the third one from the entrance."

In the time since he had changed three more boys had shown up. One was short, one was singing very loudly as he mopped, and the last looked like he was partly western. 

"That's, Jihoon, Vernon, and Seungkwan. And Minghao was here earlier but he went to go get more trash bags."

"Oh okay. Thanks again. I'll make it up to you!"

"Just get me Doritos from the camp shop and we'll call it even."

"Of course!"

"And sit with us at dinner!" Yelped Seungkwan. "You're my new victim."

"Victim?"

"Ahh don't worry about it, he tells that to all the younger people. By the way what level are you?"

"Upper."

"Oh cool, so I'm probably on like two years older than you."

"Yeah, I guess."

"Welp, you should go find your buddy so the Jesus police don't come and find you."

"...Jesus police?"

"Yea, Jungkook came up with it, a code word for the directors, specifically Mr. and Mrs. Oh."

"Who's Jungkook?"

"A leader in the other cabin. I'm not that close with him but we've both been coming here since we were nine so I picked up his code system. There are three cabins, but there are like twenty of us this year for some reason, so don't worry about remembering any names."

"Oh okay."

"Yep.... now your buddy."

"Oh right! Bye!" Taehyun waved.

And just like he said he would, Taehyun ate dinner with Mingyu and some of the other leaders, there were only 6-8 people allowed at a table, but all his friends might have well been sitting together since all thirteen of them were yelling across the room to one another. He felt kind of out of place, but it was still fun, they asked him lots of questions, and they told him lots of jokes. 

Across the roomwas Beomggu sitting with the remaining leaders, and Soobin, Yeonjun, and Kai sitting with a girl who looked like Kai. They were the only table that wasn't full and it made him a little sad to see. They seemed out of place. 

Taehyun's pretty sure their cabin was classified as the "weird" cabin. All the other people in their level never talked to them, and never teamed up with them during activities, and he doesn't know about the others, but some of them were rude and mean, just like the boy from earlier who stole his clothes. It's kind of ironic too since they all preach love and kindness whenever the adults are around. But he wasn't going to rat anyone out, he isn't perfect either. 

Speaking of this he was slightly worried for Soobin, he seemed like he was having the hardest time out of all of them. People would call him "farm boy" with a funky accent and would laugh and point whenever he answered questions during a lesson, or offer to give a prayer. He didn't understand a lot of social cues either so he'd always turn to someone in the cabin and whisper "did I say something funny?" or "what was the joke?" or even "am I not understanding something again?". It made Taehyun sad since he knew Soobin didn't know that some people were just born mean, from his understanding the boy only really knew of sunshine and rainbows.

For Kai, one boy kept telling him to go back to his country, even though he is Korean. 

And for some reason, these three girls would always ask Yeonjun why he was dressing like a girl. When all he did was wear skinny jeans and a pink shirt cut a little higher than normal. 

"I don't dress like a girl right Soobin?" Taehyun overheard last night while they were getting ready for bed.

"No Hyung, I think you dress fine. Don’t worry about it.”

Beomgyu sort of had a resting bitch face though, so no one ever said anything to him, and now he had a friend group consisting of Youth leaders. And they usually all-black outfit didn't help either. S

But most of all Taehyun just wanted to know what he did to get a hoodie tied around his head. 

only 57 days left though.


	5. Day 4

"The first group to the finish wins. You can start."

Yeonjun took the small blue paper and began to read the first item.

Today's first activity was a scavenger hunt across the camp, every cabin was a team, and each level had different things to find, the higher the level the harder your hunt was, and when you find an item a youth leader will be there to give you a stamp or sticker on your group's paper.

"David and Goliath." Spoke Yeonjun in a confused manner.

"What does that mean?"

"Is there something tall at camp?"

"Or like a rock?"

"Soobin we are in a forest, there are rocks everywhere."

Beomgyu started walking in the opposite direction as them with his hands shoved into his grey jacking, knowing what the paper meant but not saying anything.

"Where are you going?"

"There are two rock piles near the leader's cabins named David and Goliath."

"How do you know that?"."

He shrugged and continued to walk without ever facing them, his feet dragging across the brown and green ground. 

"Your friends with the leaders is that how?" Asked kai.

"Yeah, we hang out a lot."

"Is that why don't sit with us at meals anymore?" Mumbled Soobin.

Beomgyu frowned and looked back. 

"Do you want me to sit with you Hyung?"

"Well yeah! We're friends!"

Beomgyu didn't know Soobin thought of him that way. He thought he was just friendly to everyone and that it didn't mean anything. He decided not to respond again, staying quiet. He felt kind of bad. But Taehyun sat with the other male leaders yesterday and this morning too, he didn't think it meant that much up until now.

He began to kick a little stone as he walked and he kept his eyes in front of him, turning at a sign that said: "Archery range: 0.5 km". He felt like he had gone down this way so many times since Jungkook invited him to his cabin, it was like he was on autopilot at this point, even though it had only been two days. He'd go there to ditch out on lessons sometimes, Taehyung was usually there doing the same and they'd talk about deep subjects like what happened after death or how dumb society was. 

"I'm scared of the unknown." He remembers the YCL saying while chucking a little rubber ball at the wooden walls of his living space.

"How so?"

"Well, there are so many things out there and within us that we just aren't aware of. What if it harms us to be unaware? Even things about ourselves... it's all just confusing I dunno."

Beomgyu had paused and watched the tan male throwing the ball back and forth between himself and the wall with his back propped up on a bunk. 

"Why tell me?"

"Who else am I gonna tell?"

The younger shrugged at the serious look he was given. 

"Well, I think you shouldn't be afraid of what you don't know. Being scared of what is known makes a lot more sense. Plus the unknown could be anything, you just have to decide what you want to make out of it and you'll be fine."

Taehyung's movements stopped and he showed a surprised expression. 

"You should talk more. That was cool.”

"It was cool BECAUSE I don't talk much."

"Huh?"

"Well, everyone spends so much time talking to the people around them that they don't know what things they could come up with in silence. You learn a lot when you aren't distracting yourself with other people's words."

"....are you high right now?"

"No?"

"Well, you seem like it." 

Beomgyu's old shoes hit the base next to the cabin he had said all those things in and he pointed at a little pile of rocks, next to a much bigger one, a female youth leader he hadn't met yet (there were only a few girls YCLs) sat next to it.

"See told you." He chuckled and took the paper out of the hands of Yeonjun, bringing it to the girl. 

"That was fast." She chimed in an odd voice, pressing a little pink flower onto the paper. 

"Ok next up is. Jonah and the whale?"

Taehyun jumped up at Yeonjun's voice. He distinctly remembers a portrait of the biblical story on a wall of the arts and craft building while he had hidden there in his fit of embarrassment yesterday. 

"Arts and crafts. It's a painting."

This time Taehyun led the way, he had been the only one of the five who had actually been in the building, it was kind of run-down, super far away from practically everything and it hadn't been used for any activities yet. It was low-key scary in there, and there were dozens of spider webs and lots of dust bunnies. But he discovered that it was good to go to if you needed a break from the constant religious talk. 

When the group reached it they covered their noses in disgust, it smelt like something had died in there since Taehyun had gone. 

A horrified gasp filled the area, coming from Soobin, the boy had a hand latched over his mouth and he stepped forward to crouch by a little dead bunny near the entrance of the building.

"That's disgusting." Muttered Beomgyu.

"I'm gonna barf." Yeonjun coughed and squirmed out the room again to get away from the sight. 

"Poor baby." Whimpered the boy in front of the bunny. "Do you think we should bury it?"

"But the scavenger hunt?" 

"it's all alone!!" 

"It's dead"

"We are burying it, shut up!" 

The male scooped up the body and pouted while walking out back into nature, gagging sounds coming from the others.

"Why would you touch it?!?"

"Ew!"

"Hyung!"

"I couldn't just leave it there!“

Soobin was used to gross things. He was the oldest of his siblings still living at the farm so he was tasked with all the gross jobs. Cleaning up animal poop, moving Dead chickens, and more. He could live withholding a dead bunny for a few seconds.

Taehyun rolled his eyes and walked to the room with the painting, Beomgyu following. A male YCL was sat on a creaking oak chair drinking a carton of juice from the food area. He sat up when seeing them walk in, putting the juice down and picking up the small stamp saying “What was that about?" in response to the shouts of disgust from moments before. 

"Ummm.. a dead bunny?"

The youth leader looked familiar to Taehyun, but he didn't know his name. 

"What? Where?"

"By the front..."

"The front?!?!?"

The boy sighed and rolled his eyes, pushing past the two, who were not following. 

"What are you doing!?" He shrieked at the lower level who was digging a hole with a thick stick, a little bunny lying next to him.

"Why is everyone asking me that?!? I'm putting it to rest!"

"Y'all get weirder every year, I swear."

The YCL took the flower stamp and lifted Beomgyu's dark hair, and pressed it against the center of his forehead. 

"Hyung!"

"What? It will wash off, just like hop in the lake or something. And tell the Jesus police that Jungkook said it's for number two."

Taehyun's thoughts went back to his conversation with Mingyu in the bathroom yesterday.

"Welp, you should go find your buddy so the Jesus police don't come and find you."

"...Jesus police?"

"Yea, Jungkook came up with it, a code word for the directors, specifically Mr. and Mrs. Oh."

"Wait you're Jungkook?" 

He looked nervous and cautious at the question. 

"Uh yes? What did you hear about me?"

"Mingyu mentioned your code word system."

"Oh... you must be the kid who got your clothes stolen that everyone was talking bout at the fire pits last night."

Taehyun sighed, face becoming a dark shade of embarrassment. 

"Did they talk about that?"

"Yeah, only good things though. They said you're cute."

Beomgyu stood on the sides and shook his head with his hands out. "Wait- you got your clothes stolen?"

"Yes...."

"Why didn't you text me? We're buddies.”

"I was in the showers!"

Beomgyu mouth formed an "o" shape and he rubbed his upper leg and knee. 

"Just invite him over to ours next time so he doesn't wind up naked in the soap dungeon because you abandoned him." Jungkook retorted. 

Beomgyu would, he really would. He enjoys being around Taehyun, but he was really pretty, and exactly his type so he always got flustered around him, and he just knows that his new friend group of Leader would notice and pick fun at him the second he was by himself. And not to mention that the conversations in the said cabin were always not so camp rule friendly. They would break about all ten of them every time Beomgyu went over. 

This being said the boy hit Jungkook in the arm and made weird eyes at him behind his hand, blocking Taehyun from seeing. Hopefully, Jungkook would get the point.

"oOOOOH, well um- I should get back to the station of stamps ahahaha."

Taehyun scrunched his face and fidgeted with his hands, Soobin, Yeonjun, and Kai fighting over the bunny in the background

"What was that?" 

The small interaction between the leader and his Cabin mate made his brain go millions of places. Did Beomgyu maybe know about his secret and felt uncomfortable being around him? It would explain why he was always so weird. 

The nagging feeling of wanting to know what the older was thinking hit him again, and when Soobin finished his mini funeral for "Mr. Carrot" he found his eyes stuck on him.

His hair slightly bounced underneath the rays of sunlight cutting through the trees at every step he took. The grey jacket he wore everyday looked old and vintage, and the beaded bracelet on his wrist was near falling off because it was too big. He had a small limp in his walk, and the occasional wince when going uphill, with the tiny surgical scar at his knee. The other day Taehyun saw one similar to it on his collar bone when he was adjusting his shirt. 

"Beomgyu?" He whispered after the 5th wince he saw.

"Hmmm?"

"Do you need pain medicine? I have some in my bag." 

"Actually yea, how did you know?

"You look uncomfortable and I can see you limping."

"Ohh..."

"Here." 

Two tiny red pills were dropped into the palm of Beomgyu's left hand. And a water bottle was pushed towards his other.

"Thank you."

"No problem Beom."

56 days left.


	6. Day 5

Soobin’s face hit a pile of mud when he had been walking past the youngest level’s cabins. It had rained for most of the day and he and his fellow cabin mates had just come back from their level’s night lesson. He had been one of the only people out of all fifty-plus campers to actually participate and pay attention, which obviously didn’t sit well with the others, causing him to be pushed harshly into the ground. 

“Farmboy!”

“Know-it-all!”

“Bible kisser!”

His elbows stung and his shirt was wet when he pushed himself up, shyly looking at his cabin mates, Beomgyu no longer present as he was running after the two boys who had pushed him.

Kai and Taehyun grabbed his arms and hands and helped him stand up. Yeonjun attempting to wipe spots of mud off his face with his fingers. 

“Are you ok Hyung?” Kai asked while examining his elbows, which had tiny scraps across them. 

Soobin abruptly began to cry, pushing everyone’s hands away to hug himself with dirty arms. He was so sick of the people at camp even though it hadn’t even been a week. And he was started to think that his parents weren’t right about how everyone is born a good person. How could they when none of them said Good morning back to him, choosing to just laugh and walk away?

“Why is everyone always so mean to me? I didn’t even do anything!” He sobbed, whole body shaking as cries moved out his ribcage. 

Of course, the other three knew why. He was different, and people didn’t like it. He was one of the only ones who followed the rules or showed any type of enthusiasm about learning from the teachers. He was what all the directors and staff wanted everyone to be like and it bothered them.

“I want to go home!”

Honestly, Soobin hated the farm, and he hated to admit that he didn’t enjoy waking up at the crack of dawn to read the same bible verses he had been reading every day for the past seventeen years. But the yelling of his parents to try harder and be a better person was better than the harmful names and shoves he was getting every day at camp since arriving. He missed his bed and the room that he shared with his younger siblings that were twins and always joked about his top lip being too small. And he missed the food his Mom cooked for him every day. 

Yeonjun frowned and took his arms again, pulling him back down the path. 

“Let’s just get you cleaned up, okay?”

Brown paper towels soaked in water reached his face, clearing off mud and dirt. Tears were running down the boy’s face. He was sat on the counter of the bathrooms and was gasping for air.

“She told me they’d be nice, she said everyone would be kind here!”

“I know Hyung, but some people just aren’t like that.”

“But why?! We are all the same! There is nothing different about us, we all just humans! So why do they treat me like I’m one of the hecking pigs on my farm!”

Yeonjun sighed, looking at the other two boys.

“Do either of you want to take this one?”

Taehyun hesitantly looked back at Soobin while’s putting a bandaid on his elbow. He wasn’t sure how he could tell him, but he wanted him to know that he’d been through the same thing.

“Hyung?”

Soobin met his eyes and his lip jutted out. 

“What?”

The shorter inhaled and began to speak.

“I used to get bullied a lot in eighth grade. Not because of anything I did, but just because I was a little different and it made others insecure within themselves. You didn’t do anything but make them uncomfortable in their skin.”

“How are you different?”

“It doesn’t matter Hyung. Just hop in the shower and I’ll go back to the Cabin and find you some clothes. Am I allowed to go through your bag?”

“Yes.”

Taehyun had seen Beomgyu walking down the way to the Cabin when Soobin finally managed to get himself into the shower and stop crying. An old man held his shoulder with an angry face. It was the camp director Mr. Oh. Also, know as the “Head of the Jesus Police” by the leaders. 

“Gyu?”

“They-“

“Are you his buddy!?!?”

“Y-yes, sir.”

“You should keep an eye on him instead of letting him run around and start fights with people.”

He gasped and met his buddy’s gaze, he had a sly smirk plastered on his face and his arms were folded snuggled against his body, with little red marks on the tips on his Knuckles. 

“What did you do?!”

“I threw some fists.”

“No, what you did was get yourself a call home and a week's worth of dish duty young man!” Grumbled the man, making Beomgyu roll his eyes. 

The teen got pushed forward towards Taehyun and he laughed hysterically the second the elder had left him. 

“Oh my god, he is hilarious!! He called me an evil bean pole who would wind up in hell for punching people!” He wheezed with his damaged hands against his stomach.

Taehyun had never seen him smile this much, and his laugh was contagious. Slowly his own smile began to form and he rumbled in giggles. Beomgyu’s laugh was squeaky and sound like windshield wipers whenever it wasn’t filled with little “ha’s”. His entire mouth was open and his head bobbed up and down while his hands flew to different parts of his body to try and hold onto something. His eyes even began to disappear into a squint. 

“A bean sprout! And his forehead vein almost popped open when I swore at him!” He laughed out of breath.

Taehyun tsked, slightly laughing too and wrapped an arm around his shoulders.

“Come on bean sprout, we need to get clothes for the bunny boy.”

Bunny boy was Soobin. At least ever since he buried Mr. Carrot yesterday, and wished him a good life  
in heaven in front of their whole level at prayer. 

Beomgyus legs began to fall from laughing too much and he pulled on Taehyun’s shirt, head flying onto his shoulder.

“Dude! Just walk!” The younger giggled and pushed him to the side a little.

“Evil Bean sprout!”

Taehyun rolled his eyes and moved in front of his buddy to lift him onto his back. Laughter up next to his ear and against his neck until they reach the cabin. He even had laughed a little on the way back too. But it all stopped when stepping foot into the restrooms.

He frowned seeing the clothes hanging from the shower door, and Yeonjun with his back against the wall, talking once again crying Soobin through getting mud out his eye.

He softly spoke, in a tone that surprised everyone around the room. 

“Soobin-Hyung I have some clothes for you.”

“R-really?”

“Yeah, I’m also going to sit with you at dinner today, is that okay?”

Silence dripped from the walls of the restroom and the water was shut off, moments later ahead pocked out the shower door.

“Breakfast too?”

“Yes, Breakfast too.”

“....lunch and dinner?”

“Sure, whatever will make you feel better. Taehyun will too, right Tae?”

“Uh.. yeah.. right!”

Beomgyu knew how it felt to be pushed around and picked on, and how lonely it left you. After his parents died he would get mean comments about him being an orphan or be “crippled” at school. He wanted to stop Soobin from feeling that way, even if he was the slightest bit weird and made him uncomfortable. 

That’s why he hit the two boys so hard, he even felt something inside in hand crack, and he now had a hard time bending his right ring finger, but he didn’t mind if it meant they’d get their karma quicker. No one should be treated the way they had treated Soobin. The face of the male who he had pinned underneath him was filled with absolute terror and the friend of his had already run away. His nose was bleeding and his cheek was bruising. And he remembers Mr. Oh yelling at him to stop before he lifted his body by his shirt and slammed it back on the ground before climbing off him to casually look at the director, spitting a “douche-bag” at the whimpering boy. And while sitting at the dinner table with Soobin as he promised, several groups of boys and girls stared at him, some judgmental, some full of hatred, others in adoration, but the table with the two beaten up boys avoided him completely, eyes cast down in embarrassment that the quiet boy had beat them up so badly. His friends at the leader’s tables gave him thumbs-ups and little claps, followed by pats on the back while walking past him after leaving the food line. Everyone now knew him as the kid you shouldn’t mess with unless you wanted to get a broken nose. And he was quite proud of it, even if it meant that he had gotten a harsh scolding from his grandmother over the phone, saying she “wouldn’t hesitate to come and get him if it happens again.”

He smiled at a group of girls and they all blushed and started to whisper to each other, making him chuckled, but fingertips touching his slightly scabbed knuckles that were set upon the brown table pulled him out of it. They were soft and delicate, and they belonged to a small hand connected to a pretty boy with bright blonde hair. His face showed worry and his lips were in a frown. 

The fingertips eventually turned into whole fingers wrapping around his hand, bringing it down into his lap.

Taehyun didn’t know why he was doing it, but something burned down deep inside him seeing the tiny spots of torn skin and red colour on his hands. His face read of pure concern as he stared down into his lap, he dragged his finger up and down the line of his hand, mouth falling open, and breath hitching when Beomgyu’s thumb moved and trapped his underneath it. He looked up and met eyes full of both confusion and curiosity, watching his every move.

Taehyun’s other hand lightly brushed the skin of his wrist and the low tone and volume of Beomgyu’s voice met his ears.

“I’m fine... stop worrying.” He promised.

The younger felt a lump in his throat and a feeling behind him he couldn’t name. Everyone else in the room disappeared and he only could see the buildings reflecting in the eyes looking at him, the sound of voices numbing away. 

“Don’t catch feelings for a straight boy” rang like an alarm in Beomgyu’s head.

He moved his hand out of his and set it back on the table casually, and looked back at the wall of the room, unknowing to the table of older boys who were close to him whispering at the scene they just saw. Taehyun missed the cold palm against his, and made an angry face, pulling it back into his lap.

“I’m sorry but this hand has been confiscated until the end of lunch. Punching people is bad.” He huffed and tightly held his hand under the table.

“I- what?”

“You obviously can’t take care of it, so as your buddy it is mine for now. Plus your hand is soft so let a bro hold it.”

Beomgyu scoffed and held his hand back

“Okay “bro”.” He laughed, going back to eating.

55 days left.


	7. Day 6

At night Beomgyu and Taehyun snuck out to the lake after everyone went to sleep. They wanted to talk some more about everything that had happened earlier without everyone else around. They needed privacy And Taehyun hadn't been swimming yet, due to obvious situations that came with taking his shirt off, so he suggested it. Beomgyu stared in awe at the scars placed upon Taehyun's chest. He had no idea up until a few hours before. 

Taehyun doesn't even know how he had gotten to being face to face under the light of a full moon. Especially with the way the day had started.

"No, you just stab me with it!"

"But I'm scared!"

"Just do it!"

"No!"

"Jiwoo please!"

"I'm only ten!"

"And?"

"I am not qualified for this medical procedure."

"It's just a shot!"

"Go have one of your friends do it."

"None of them know I need it though!"

"Then just tell them!"

"Jiwoo PLEASE."

"Nope."

Taehyun rolled his eyes and sighed looking down at his little sister. It was a T-shot day and he was absolutely terrified of needles so he couldn't bring himself to do it himself. Jiwoo was the only person in the entirety of the camp who even knew he needed the hormones in the first place, and he absolutely refused to ask someone in his cabin.

And that's why he stood outside of one of the youth leader's cabins with his fist hovering over the door. He doesn't remember which one Mingyu was at, but he knew or at least recognized most of the YCL's which was better than coming out to people that he had to live with for the next two months. His hand hit the door and he stood there for a few minutes. He was skipping out on a lesson for this so he seriously doubted that someone was even in the cabin.

The door opened revealing Jungkook and another boy both with swollen lips and messy hair. 

"Hello?"

"Um, h-hi."

"You're Beomgyu's buddy right?" Spoke Jungkook.

"Yes."

"Oh, he isn't here right now, sorry."

"Um, actually I wanted to talk to you. Or both of you."

The two boys gave each other a panicked look, the tan then began to ramble.

"Look if it was you who saw us yesterday, please don't tell anyone."

"Saw what?"

"At the dock- it was you right?"

"No...."

"But you have the hair though?"

Taehyun looked towards the pieces of blonde in front of his eyes. He was the only one other than Yeonjun with something close to it in the camp.

"I didn't go to the dock yesterday."

"Oh... what do you need then?"

"Um, c-can we go inside p-please?"

The two made eye contact again and Jungkook shrugged, opening the door wider. The cabin was a lot bigger than his, it had two rooms, one for bunks, and one with a small kitchen and sitting area. He looked around nervously and pulled at the string of his sling bag.

"So what's up?"

"You YCLs are supposed to help the lower level's underneath you right? Like if they need anything?"

The tan leaned against the closed door and folded his arms, an eyebrow raised.

"Well, it depends actually. This cabin is assigned to the youngest level, but if you really need something I guess. And aren't you suppose to be at lessons?"

Taehyun quirked his head and put his hands on his hips, giving the same look back.

"Aren't you?"

The male smirked and reached out a hand. 

"I'm Taehyung."

"Taehyun." He spoke shaking the hand.

Jungkook looked between the two and started laughing. 

"Ha, you guys are fraternal name twins.... but seriously what you need?"

Taehyun breathed in and prepared himself. This could go wrong in so many different ways. He could get bashed or scolded, reported to directors, or even kicked out of camp.

"How do you guys feel about LGBT stuff?"

Now the two leaders were cautious. The conversation began to move back and forth between them, dodging any official opinions or dropping labels

"I think it's fine...." mumbled one.

"Ok, then you'd be fine if someone came as transgender?"

"Hypothetically, yes."

The lower level calmed himself and pulled off the sling bag, pulling out a needle and a tiny jar filled with a thick liquid.

"Well, Hypothetically I need my testosterone shot and I'm too scared to do it myself."

"Oh okay cool, hand it over." 

The following five minutes consisted of Taehyun teaching the two how to give a shot and prepare it. He also began to notice the adoring looks and subtle staring of lips between the two. 

"Can I ask something? You don't have to answer."

"sure kid."

"Are you dating Jungkook Hyung?" He asked, the said boy was in the kitchen, and an alcohol swap ran across his thigh. 

"Yeah, just don't tell anyone. Only the people in this cabin know and I'm still not sure on what I am sexuality wise."

"Okay."

Taehyun understood. He didn't know his sexuality either, he hadn't ever thought about it too hard since he's always so busy with his gender. But he knows that he's probably not the straightest person, he's aware that he definitely feels something towards both genders, and the people in between, but he can't figure out how it goes on either side. He wasn't much of a sexual or romantic person and had never experimented. He's always just understood that'd he'd most likely always be single and never get past the first or second base with anyone. A part of him also thought he might be asexual or at least on the spectrum of it. 

Taehyun grabbed onto the toned arm of the YCL and tried to focus on the little ice cream bar that he was given as he felt the tiny needle puncture the skin of his thigh, and he shivered at the feeling of having something so tiny in his skin, he could feel it so strongly and it made his brain crash. He fought himself to not squirm away from it. This by far was his least favourite part about being born with the wrong set of chromosomes. 

He remembers the first time he got his shot he almost passed out. The poor nurse had to go get him orange juice from the vending machine. The second time his mom gave him it, and she pushed it in too slowly, making it way more painful than it need be, the third time his dogs burst through the bathroom doors and knocked his mom's hand around made it hurt even worse than the time before. 

But at least he looked like a dude now.

"Oh my god is that a T-shot?!” Hollered a pink-haired individual at the door, making the boy holding the needle jump and move the item a little deeper in his skin, causing a cry to leave his lips and a death grip on his arm. 

"Jimin you can't just do that!"

"I said I was getting our child and I'd be back in like two minutes what else do you need?"

"Shit wait, Beomgyu? Taehyun does he know?"

Taehyun's heart fell to the floor as the needle left his skin, a blue bandaid being placed where it at just been. He unscrewed his eyes and stared at the entrance of the room. Beomgyu's stood next to the pink-haired person, his mouth was hanging open and he was practically frozen.

"Your trans?"

Taehyun's mouth went dry. Heart going crazy. He's never able to read Beomgyu, and it was a hundred times more difficult in this situation. He began to feel like he was drowning, or in a room where the air was rapidly being sucked out, leaving his lungs prying. He couldn't tell if the older was offended, horrified, hurt, disgusted, or just straight-up confused.

"Beomgyu- I-"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

He sounds angry. At least to Taehyun. 

"I thought you wouldn't want to be in the same cabin as me anymore."

"It would be pretty hypocritical of me to not what to share a room with a trans person."

"What?"

"I'm like super super gay."

"You're gay?"

"Yeah."

"Why didn't you say something when we were talking about that stuff at the fire the other day?"

"Same reason you didn't tell me. And don't you think the others would have lost their shit?"

"Oh."

Jimin smiled and sat down next to Taehyun, ignoring the situation.

"Can we talk about gender problems enby to he/him?"

"I- I- guess."

"Probably should have mentioned that we all are raging rainbows."

"You think?"

"Well, I guess we have another child then, welcome to the cabin of sinners."

Now the two stood looking at each other, surrounded by water. One touched the other's chest, almost in a frightened way, while he did the same to his collar bone.

Taehyun worked up the courage to ask him how the tiny scar had gotten there. Beomgyu's and his parents had been in a crash, he had almost died himself and was saved by several surgeries. He even showed Taehyun the scar on the side of his head that had been covered by hair, it was from the one surgery that almost killed him. And they hugged each other tightly while Beomgyu opened up about his parents, tears mixing in with the lake. He felt like the younger was beginning to be a new home. A home that wasn't built on dead parents, controlling grandparents, being gay, straight, or trans. Just them, in their new home of friendship under the waters in the lake. 

Taehyun's head suddenly got dunked under the water and Beomgyu rushed to swim out of the water, getting his leg pulled down, being put in a head lock. They wrestled until the light of flashlight hit them, stopping them in their tracks. An old wrinkling face snarled at them about thirty feet away. 

"Shit." They both whispered, Beomgyu going to move Taehyun behind him, covering his chest, and the younger holding his hand underneath the water in fear. 

"What are you two doing?!"

They were definitely on Mr. Oh's bad side. 

54 days left


	8. Day 7

The seven deadly sins

Pride - Kim Doyon.   
The organizer of the camp's oldest son. He brags about how wealthy his family is, and how he has more authority than the people at his level, he always makes people within his cabin get things and do things for him because of it. He stole Kang Taehyun's clothing while he was in the shower and tied a hoodie around his head. 

Envy - Kang Taehyun   
He longs for other's body parts. He wishes to look like them and bashes his on looks in response. He is always watching the other males in camp as they walked by, almost in slight hatred at both them and himself.

Wrath - Choi Beomgyu   
Cracked the nose of a boy who picked on someone is his level. He didn't stop beating him until the lines of red going across his vision bleed down onto the boy's face and he was told to back off.

Sloth - Kim Taehyung  
Has camp responsibilities, but ignores them to sleep and eat candies within his cabin. He hates camp and would just prefer to rest and listen to music. 

Greed - Huening Kai  
Clings onto his sister at every chance he gets, stealing her from her friends. He hates giving her up and leaving her to go somewhere without him. 

Gluttony - Jung Hoseok and Kim Seokjin  
They have a secret Alcohol cabinet and sneak extra food at meals. More often than not they tend to their responsibilities with a hangover or with low energy from staying up too much. 

Lust - unknown camper   
They have a friend. They never thought they'd like someone like them, but their eyes always find the skin of their stomach when they are swimming or canoeing. They try to not watch as they change their shirt in the cabin or the tiny waistline that is visible under their Sunday outfit. They have thought very unholy things, and it makes them wonder all the things they can do to them. Their innocence and purity turn their mind in directions that they hope the other never discover. 

The seven holy virtues:

Humility - Choi Yeonjun  
He never up to his ego or importance above others. He knows when and when he is not in the right. He is fair and understands others struggles before his

Kindness - Choi Soobin  
The nicest person you meet in camp, he gives people his food when they ask, he helps strangers, and he offers to do people's jobs for them if they seem tired.

Patience - Jeon Jungkook  
He doesn't push his boyfriend to decide who he is, or too out their relationship when he isn't ready. He knows time isn't that important between them.

Diligence - Kim Namjoon  
He puts his entire being into being the best youth camp leader he can, even at the expense of his sleep. He makes sure every last responsibility is attended to. 

Temperance - Choi Beomgyu  
Even though he hangs out with Hoseok and Jin often, he never participates in drinking. He hates the idea of being intoxicated after a drunk driver got his family into a terrible accident.

Abstinence and Chasity - Choi Soobin  
His entire life he's been told that sex is bad and that if you have it before marriage that you'll burn for the entirety in hell. He completely shuts off any desires or lusts he has after people, saving himself till he is married. 

Beomgyu knew that all fourteen sins and virtues had their places within the camp. He was quiet and he listened and understood. He saw the small details among the chaos of their schedules when others didn't. He felt them move onto his thoughts during the night lesson on the seventh day. 

It was Sunday, just like the day they arrived and they all had been asked to wear nice clothes for this lesson. Everyone looked the same, same hair colours, similar clothes, same singing to hymns. But he still saw the intentions people had behind them. 

His intentions show the most, but they were the only ones he couldn't figure out. Taehyun told him he was hard to read, and he completely agreed, he wasn't aware of what he was thinking or feeling most of the time either. Sometimes he did and said things without even realizing he was doing them like he would blackout, and he would forget things that others said would happen. He did have brain damage though so it made sense. 

His head injury and surgery made it hard for some of his motor skills, and it affected his depth perception lightly. He had chunks missing out of his memories and he didn't know how to get them back. He can't remember any of his freshman year, and he was told he lived in Jeju for a year when he was eleven but he still doesn't believe it's true. He lost parts of the Korean language and his vocabulary is sometimes lacking. He also has a way harder time interacting and communicating, he used to be extremely social but know he's quiet and doesn't have very many friends. It's like the accident rewired his entire subconscious and changed his personality. 

Taehyun told him how Mr. Oh caught them in the lake last night, but he doesn't recall it ever happening. He just remembers up until the point of then hugging. So when he was told to clean the bathrooms by the old man on a night he was on the schedule he was extremely confused.

"Hey literally told us we had duty for a week."

"What?"

"Last night?"

"Yea... don't you remember? At the lake?"

"He was at the lake?"

"Yeah, he was."

"It was just us."

".....do you even remember us going back to the cabin's Beom?"

"No..."

The sigh of worry Taehyun had given him clogged his thoughts. 

He felt bad because apparently, Taehyun told him something important after they went back but he couldn't wrap his head around the memory. He tried asking him to tell him again, but he denied saying it wasn't that important. The younger who had been sitting between his legs on the floor at the time, with hands playing with the top of his white shirt, looked defeated but almost realized.

He couldn't read Taehyun either. 

The things he said never matched up 100% with his actions. And his actions were always extremely confusing, especially to the feeling department within him.

While he was sitting on the ground, Beomgyu was above him sat on his bunk, the boy leaned back into him and the wood lining of the bed when he touched his blonde hair, or put his chin on his head while listening to Kai talks about some graphic design program in Canada. He didn't know if he was leaning into him, or if he was leaning into the affection. 

He asked his older friends about it and they all just joked about it and told him not to worry since it's just a thing friends do when they are close.

"You act as you've ever had a friend that likes physical affection.” Laughed Hoseok.

Beomgyu's brain fogged going back to every friend he had. The faces of them were blurry and he could only remember some names. He was very close with someone in 8th grade but he can't quite put his tongue on their name or even what gender they were. 

He only could remember how he and Taehyun are friends and how the younger is very touchy once he gets close with someone. Since last night in the lake, he holds his hands everywhere. Like walking to and from actives, or under the table at meals, during free times, or even in front of the teachers during lessons, which they got weird looks for but he didn't necessarily mind unless someone would say something, causing them to both blush and awkward let their hands fall to their sides. 

They also skipped the morning lesson and met at the leader's cabins to hang out with Jimin who didn't feel well, where all three fell asleep against each other's shoulders just to be woken up by freezing water being dumped on them by laughing YCLs from a different cabin. 

"What happened to you two?" Exclaimed Kai and his sister who were trailing down to the cabin. (Which she wasn't allowed to be at by the way.)

The two were huddled together and shivering, and just glaring at the siblings. 

And when they were cuddled up by the fire Soobin and Yeonjun gave them a weird look followed by a "why do you two suddenly act like your dating?"

They both ignored it. After all, it's not like they were. 

"We just are close."

"Since when."

Beomgyu had flown off his seated position and put them both in headlocks.

"Since you two got so flipping nosey!"

This caused all five to laugh, forgetting everything about the couple's conversation, and another cabin's to stare at. 

But nothing beats how after the lesson on the Seven deadly sins and holy virtues, Taehyun sneaked into Beomgyu's bunk and hugged his back, mumbling a tired "It's cold" before falling back to sleep. 

Beomgyu however couldn't sleep, not with the slim legs tangled within his, and the small breaths in his ear.

53 days left.


	9. Day 8

‘’You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an abomination’

“...just as Sodom and Gomorrah and the surrounding cities, which likewise indulged in sexual immorality and pursued unnatural desire, serve as an example by undergoing a punishment of eternal fire”

‘’If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall surely be put to death; their blood is upon them’’

‘’For this reason, God gave them up to dishonourable passions. For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature; and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error’’

‘’Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God’’

‘The law is not laid down for the just but for the lawless and disobedient, for the ungodly and sinners, for the unholy and profane, for those who strike their fathers and mothers, for murderers, for the sexually immoral, men who practise homosexuality, enslavers, liars, perjurers, and whatever else is contrary to sound doctrine’’

Yeonjun knew this whole lesson was his fault. He was the one that told the directors of how he saw a certain pare of male youth leader’s kissing at the dock two nights ago. 

“We’ll take care of it.” They said in response to his confession.

Taking care of it was really just removing one of the boys from their cabin and placing him in another while being out to all of their fellow leaders. They both were constantly being watched and weren’t allowed to be alone anymore.

“It’s a choice, you can change.” Intoned the middle-aged woman in front of all the campers. “Don’t be a sinner.”

It is a choice, Yeonjun got to choose whether the bubbling feeling in his chest when looking at that one particular boy meant anything. He also got to choose to continue to like the girl who sat with them at lunch. And his choices have anything to do with why he told the directors about the intimate scene he saw. 

He even pushed away and ignored how the boy who now was sitting at a different table than usual, surrounded by different fellow youth leader’s than usual, all ignoring or staring at him in annoyance or disgust, wore a face that was red and puffy with dried tear marks past his face, or how he and the other male were both escorted out of different doors of the meal area before it was actually time for everyone to leave.

“Follow God’s plan.” 

He will. He can do it. Just follow the plan. 

Others at the lesson however weren’t thinking the things he was.

Beomgyu was uncomfortable and filled with anxiety, holding the pinky of the blonde next to him in his, careful to not be noticed.

Taehyun was cornered at how harsh the entire talk was, and how to he knew it was because of the leader's situation. He heard about it from Jimin at breakfast who had pulled him and Beomgyu to the side. 

Soobin hated the atmosphere, it was tense and too serious. The way the teachers talked about homosexuals were so harsh and it reminded of him how his parents would scold him at the dinner table for not eating everything on his plate, or eating before a prayer was said. 

Taehyung and Jungkook were staring at each other from across the stone pit, separated by hundreds of campers. The younger looked at his lover with sympathetic eyes, sorry for outing him when he didn’t even know what he was. They hadn’t even been able to talk about what had happened yet.

Huening Kai was just confused on why the whole thing was necessary in the first place. 

And even after the lesson, back at the cabins, everyone was dead silent. Soobin sat crisscrossed on the top bunk, Taehyun and Beomgyu on the lower avoiding looking at the rest of the people, Yeonjun deep in thought on the floor.

“It’s my fault. The lesson that is.” Whispered the oldest. “I told the directors about how I saw the two leaders kissing.”

Everyone stared at him.

“Why?”

“I dunno....”

“That’s really fucked up. You just ruined a perfectly good relationship.”

“Don’t swear!” Scolded Soobin.

Beomgyu stood up and stared at everyone in the room in disbelief.

“Honestly I don’t care Soobin! I’ll swear all the damn I want. He just broke apart two people I care about, do you know how much they love each other? Jungkook would kill someone for Tae!”

“But they are homosexuals!” Returned Yeonjun

“And so what?! It’s none of your Goddamn Business! You said yourself you didn’t care as long as they didn’t hit on you!”

“And I changed my mind!”

“So you’ll go tattle on me too then? Is it different when you actually know the person?!?”

“Beomgyu, you know you don’t want to go there.” Panicked Taehyun who walked up beside the older and held his arm, trying to pull him away from the argument.

Beomgyu pushed him away harshly and he stumbled back. 

“No! He is being a homophobic piece of shit and I’m not standing for it. He has some serious balls for trying to pull this shit in front of me.”

“What are you even talking about? You’re not even ga-“

“I am! Go tell the directors! They all hate me anyway and apparently you enjoy outing people that don’t want a whole bunch of bitchy bible pushers to known to know who they can’t help being attracted to.”

Beomgyu had a bad habit of getting angry too quickly. But it was rarely about something involving himself. This time his own emotions were involved, along with people’s who he cared about. Angry tears ran out his eyes and his face was beat red. His vision filled with the familiar blood-red colour from when he bunched the two boys earlier in the week. 

“It’s not my fault I like guys just as much as it’s not your fault you were born with brown eyes! It’s not a fucking choice and neither was Taehyung and Jungkooks relationship! You’re just a homophobic low-life who projects dumbass religious beliefs onto people who actually have something they genuinely care about! And none of this would be happening if you kept your mouth shut!”

“Beom stop!” Pleased Taehyun.

“Shut up! He needs to hear this!” He shouted. “Do you know how depressed Taehyung is at this camp? Jungkook was the only drop of happiness he had in this shit hole and now he can’t even talk to him! And Jungkook actually hates himself right now for getting him outed! He doesn’t even know if he’s gay but the whole camp now assumes he should burn in hell for eternity!!! You’ve screwed up people’s lives so badly and you don’t even know anything about them! You don’t even know what their fucking last names are!”

Taehyun grabbed the boy's grey hoodie and pulled him out of the cabin, stopping his yelling.

“What are you doing?!” The other yelled, violently pushed the hands off him, making the blonde fall on the ground, landing on his butt and hands  
.  
From the ground, he looked up. He didn’t recognize Beomgyu, he looked so angry that it scared him, he was always hearing whispers of how he frightened the others campers but he never got it until this moment. Something had taken over his new friend and he wished it would leave, the stinging on his hands burning with the glaring of cold eyes. His throat was dry and his gut told him to run. 

“I wasn’t finished! Why did you butt in like that!”

“He was crying!!”

“And? He deserves to cry!”

“He’s still a person Beomgyu! And so am I so stop raising your voice at me please.”

“I’ll raise my voice if I want to-“

Taehyun now felt his own anger grow, he threw himself up off the ground and walked forward at a fast pace, every step he took Beomgyu took one back. They continued until the older’s shoulders hit the bark of a nearby tree.

“You do not use that attitude with me, Choi, I am your friend and friends don’t treat each other like that. That is so disrespectful and you don’t get to say that kind of thing just because someone got on your nerves.” Taehyun said with a finger Jabbing into his chest. “Do not EVER touch or speak to me like that, or our friendship will be over before it even reaches a week.”

Beomgyu swallowed hard and nodded in fear. The boy scolding him usually was so calm and collected. Serious Taehyun made him want to run and cry for his Mom like a little kid who crashed on their bike. 

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. Now go tell Yeonjun that.”

“But I-“

Taehyun rolled his eyes and glared at him.

“Fine.”

When Beomgyu came back into the cabin he saw Yeonjun sitting with Soobin and Kai on a bottom bunk. He had guilty eyes and his entire face was directed towards his lap.

“I’m sorry.”

“I am too. I didn’t know you were.. gay.”

“No one did. Just don’t pull that shit again or I’ll beat your ass just like that Minsung kid. And don’t tell anyone either.”

“Okay...”

“...can we please stop swearing now that you have apologized? My mom says hearing foul language closes your connection to spirit.”

“Yeah, my bad Hyung.”

The rest of the night considered of Beomgyu pouting and profusely apologizing to Taehyun while he washed the scrapes on his hands. He told him it was fine, be he felt awful. He can’t remember pushing him, or yelling at Yeonjun, he blacked out mentally during the entire thing and was only brought back by the poking finger of the boy he was now putting bandaids on the center of his chest. Yeonjun avoided him like the plague, Soobin stole very obvious secret glances at him, and Kai was just straight-up awkward.

“Did really I tell them?”

“Yea...”

“Did I tell them you were...”

“No Hyung. It was just you that you outed.”

“Ok, that's good .” 

Beomgyu did one thing right, not outing his new friend in his temper tantrum was his only accomplishment of the eighth day.


	10. Day 9

Soobin had pulled Taehyun off to the side during an activity about knot tying. He had said he needed to ask him something.

"Are you and Beomgyu dating?"

"What? no."

"But you guys always hold hands."

"Friends can do that."

"They do?"

"Yeah, I've seen a few of the girls around here do it."

"Oh okay, I didn't know that... Do you like him?"

"Why the sudden interest about us?"

Soobin shrugged and looked around before leaning closer to lower his voice.

"It okay if you do."

"If I do what?"

"Like him."

Taehyun backed up, very confused and had to do a double take.

"Wait aren't you against that stuff?"

"Well I was, my Dad told me all gay people are evil and mean, but Beomgyu is really nice so he must be wrong about it. I kind of think it's stupid to tell someone who they can like."

"You are disagreeing with your parents on something?"

"Yeah, I've done that a lot recently if I'm being honest."

"What do you mean?"

"I read your book about Buddhism that you left on your bunk. It had me thinking I guess. And the whole getting called Bible-kisser and farm boy everyday didn't help."

"What?"

"Well it's just that all the stuff that my parents and grandparents have taught me are almost negative??? Like they are positive things but taught in a hateful way, but the book wasn't like that it made a lot of sense. I still believe in God, but I just think it's a different one then I was originally taught."

"Are you serious?"

"Yes."

"So you are interest in Buddhism?"

"Kind of, not the whole religion part, but definitely some of the teaching about peace and suffering I want to know more about."

"I can you teach a bit if you want?"

"Really?"

"Yeah, of course!"

"Thanks Tae!"

"No problem."

".....so you don't like Beomgyu?"

The shorter playfully rolled his eyes and slung an arm around his shoulders. 

"Come on Bunny boy, we need to do the activity."

"But do you?"

Taehyun never answered, leaving a disappointing frown on Soobin's lips. But he did think about what was the answer when his back was flat on the grainy sand surrounding the lake, Beomgyu with both legs on the outside of his hips, partially sitting on him while he pinned his arms down onto the ground.

"Gotcha!" 

They had been sitting on the dock fully clothed with their feet dangling in the water when Taehyun suddenly pushed him into the water of the lake, and he had scrambled away seeing the both shocked and mischievous face rising out front he water in a yelling.

"Kang Taehyun you're dead!!"

Sand had flown everywhere and he only made it about twenty feet before the wet body knocked him to the ground.

Now a playful and triumphant smirk looked down at him, droplets of water hit his t-shirt and wet jeans began to soak his sweatpants. It was all fun and games until the strong hands held down his wrists. Deep in the pit of his stomach was a burning and twirling that up until that point he had never thought he'd experience. It was a longing for something more than himself and a need for something more intense. He let a strangled whimpering sound out that he wasn't aware he could make, and he became shy and flustered at how the boy was hovering over him. The said male's eyes widened at the sound he heard and the feeling also hit him. He noticed how small Taehyun was underneath him and how he could so easily keep him in this position without him being able to break free.

"Lust is a psychological force producing intense desire for an object, or circumstance while already having a significant other or amount of the desired object. Lust can take any form such as the lust for sexuality, love, money, or power." he remembers the director reading during the seven deadly sins lesson.

Lust was overpowering just like they told him. 

He carefully let go of the wrists he was pinning and in a daze of the so-called lust he trailed his fingers in a feathering way down his arms to his collarbones, over his chest, then on his waist before he held the very bottom of it tightly. The boy's body squirmed and he could hear his breath pick up, innocent expressions starting at his hands and his eyes. His back arched slightly into the grip and Beomgyu gasped in wonder at how he could feel the movement in his hold. 

"Wow," he whispered, rubbing his thumbs at the hip bones of Taehyun, then moving them up to his ribs and the boney ridges they formed. 

He knew his friend was pretty, but he didn't know he was THIS pretty. He looked so ethereal with the way the sun was hitting his features and how his torso dipped in below his ribs like an hourglass. Everything about him was memorizing and he wanted to take a picture to have so he could always remember exactly how he looked in this moment. And the fact that he was just letting him touch him like this really messed up his thoughts. 

Taehyun's mouth dropped open the slightest and his throat began to tingle at the base.

"Gyu," he said in a hushed airy breath.

Beomgyu hearing the familiar nickname realized what he was doing and retracted his hands, stepping off his body. 

"I'm sorry."

The blonde sat up on his hands and looked up with doe eyes, pupils dilated and dark. 

"It's okay."

"I got water all over you."

He looked down seeing dark patches of lake water on his clothes where he was sitting. He looked odd.

"Oh..."

"U-uh here."

Beomgyu pulled the back of his black hoodie reading "my youth is yours" in fancy cursive writing and slipped it off, throwing it down to him. His shirt riding up, making hot move throughout Taehyun. 

"T-thanks."

He quickly pulled off his wet shirt, Beomgyu avoiding the sight of his smooth skin, and he set the hoodie over his body. 

They walked in silence to the showers, no one saying anything as the air was thick in tension and questions that weren't being asked. And when they showered in the two stalls next to each other Taehyun almost impulsively moved into Beomgyu's stall after he hearing a low sign from the warm water hitting his skin. The sound made him nearly crash into the bathroom wall. 

Lust was definitely the most tempting sin. 

Taehyun thought he would end up classifying himself as asexual after talking with that one Leader Jin who personally used the label.

He talked of how he never really felt the spark when sexual actions were made, or when he watched videos during his questioning phase. How he couldn't connect with people like that because he just didn't have that particular switch in his brain. Jin said he felt like he would maybe be interest in sex if it didn't have to involve being with another person. They whole thing just made him full body cringe apparently. Taehyun was just about to confirm himself as the same, but then the tan and mysterious buddy of his made his brain buffer like a scratched cd. Maybe it was because he's never been connect with someone. He actually knew Beomgyu and had a positive feeling when he hung out with him. When ever he heard of other's peoples experiences he wasn't attached or emotionally connect so it didn't affect him. But this time he knew and cherished the person behind the story, it was different now.

He researched it later during a phone break and he found several websites and articles.

'A demisexual is a person who does not experience sexual attraction unless they form a strong emotional connection with someone. It's more commonly seen in but by no means confined to romantic relationships'

He didn't necessarily want to label himself like that. Since he had ever even heard of it before. And he knew there was thousands of different sexuality, he didn't like labels too much. But it made sense. If he was indeed "demisexual" it would explain why he's never been sexually attracted to someone before, or why he doesn't ever get into a relationship. Every person he's tried to talk to has gone straight into the talking about pg-13 things and it always pulled him out of wanted to start a relationship as he began to be weirded out by them.

He may not like Beomgyu as of the moment, but he for sure is attracted to him and her comfortable emotionally with him. And that's the closest to feelings he's had to before. 

The vibe between them was different too. The usual hand holding and arm linking turned into hands brushing each other's waist. They began to make eye contact that was too intense for way to long. Or a hand holding onto the other's thigh, lightly rubbing it underneath tables. Beomgyu even would tug his shirt to pull him toward him to get his attention, almost like he was truing to assert some form of power over him. The whole rest of the day began to feel like a game of tug and war, to see who would snap first and bring up the question of what the hell they were doing and dodging. Before in the past few days of being friends, Beomgyu formed the habit of playing with and braiding small sections of the bleached hair of the younger, but now the soft caressing and scratched of his scalp, became taunting, and sometime towards the end of the night he even tugged at his roots, causing a surprising (for the both of them) moan to come out of Taehyun. 

"What was that?" Asked Hyuka from his bunk.

"I accidentally pulled his hair."

"How did you accidentally do that?"

"I don't know." Beomgyu smirked, subtlety doing the motion again, making Taehyun inhale deeply through his nose and close his eyes to stop from making another questionable noise. 

He turned around and glared at the boy touching his hair, just to see the devilish smirk that reeked of teasing. 

"What?" He said with a voice covered in knowing and mocking.

"I hate you."

"I seriously doubt that Taetae." He whispered in his ear while holding firming onto the roots of his hair. 

Taehyun's eyes bulged and he quickly turned around. He wanted to know how this all happen within a few hours. They only meet a little over a week ago and they already acted like this. 

Beomgyu was definitely not the person he'd thought he'd meeting at a church camp. 

51 days left


	11. Day 10

The blaring sounds of an ambulance filled the west side of the camp where the upper levels were located. Beomgyu's was lifted up into it by a stretcher while everyone watches. 

"Can I come?"

"Only one person allowed."

"It's fine I'll just drive behind. You go sweety."

The old-aged woman in charge of today's activity climbed out of the vehicle and ushered in Taehyun.

The boy's eyes met Beomgyu's and they filled with tears. His face was as pale as snow.

"It'll be okay." He reassured, going to hold his hand.

The injured male began to hyperventilate and squeeze his hand so tightly it was changing colours. Taehyun winced and tried to pry his fingers off but a pitiful and pleading voice stopped him.

"Don't leave Mom."

Everything was suddenly making sense. He wasn't crying or panicking over the metal disk in his knee being knocked out of place during a stupid football game. It was because it triggered him back into the moment his parents died.

Beomgyu's mind instantly snapped the second he heard sirens. He had been calm despite being in extreme pain up until the familiar sound parked next to him. 

Being lifted on the stretcher gave him flashbacks to being in such intense panic emotionally and physically that his chest began to lock up. He had almost forgotten how he was the only one still awake after the crash. His head was splintering and pulsing in agony, and the hand that he touched it with was painted in the blood that was flowing out of it. Looking down his upper leg's skin was split open so deep that he could see a bone sticking out, with his knee dented and sickening to look at. He couldn't move his shoulders or rotate, an obvious bend in his collar bone was present, everything was foggy and turning black and purple as he tried to look around the car that was turned on its side. Both his parent's eyes were closed. He couldn't move but he began to shout and scream at them to wake up. They were right in front of them and he could see the ghostly paleness of his mother who was's entire face was cut up in glass shards. He couldn't do anything. 

Medical staff arrived and whines and shouts left his throat as they pulled him out. Glass rubbed against his side and hip, but he could only hear a male voice saying "no heartbeat." And as much pain as he was in he jumped and attempted to jerk his body out of the people strapping him into a stretcher to go see which of the people who raised him they were talking about. 

And today looking up at Taehyun's face he saw his mother, the one he later found out died instantly. They had such similar eyes and caring smiles. But he didn't have blood dripping down his face like she did the last time he saw him. And his hand felt like his Dad's, so gentle. 

"He passed away in surgery." 

The voice of a sympathetic nurse made anger surge through his entire being. He didn't even get to be with his Dad when he died, he was too busy getting his own stupid surgeries. He wished it was him. He had looked down and all the stitches on his limps and the one arm not in a sling. Defeated sobs shook his entire body and he covered his face with the one hand arm he could move. He wanted to pull all his hair out in self-hatred and rage but it was already gone from being shaved for an operation.

"You almost died." Cried his Grandmother after he said he wished that Doctor's would have never revived him while his head was being cut open in the surgery room. 

"I should have!" He screamed. 

He cried and let go of Taehyun's hand and looked at the ceiling of the rattling Ambulance. 

"Why couldn't it have been me?" He wept.

"Gyu.."

Taehyun made eye contact with the worried driver and person in the passenger seat before scooting forward and laying his head on his chest on the stretcher and pulling the other's hands on his hair. He knew he loved to mess with his hair, he once said it was calming, he hoped it was true in this situation.

Shaking fingers met his soft locks and twirled them around, the two eyes met and Taehyun softly smiled and reached a hand up to soothingly rub his cheek.

"You're okay. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere."

Beomgyu now had to wear a knee brace for six weeks, and couldn't participate in swimming or any activity that would require physical activity, and leaders would drive him via camp trucks to and from lessons, he was advised to not walk around too much for at least two to three weeks after the doctor pushed his knee back into place and he got X-rays. He didn't quite register it because of the blindly share pain he received but Taehyun filled him in on the way back to camp.

The director that followed behind them took them out to eat a fancy restaurant and talked to them about her life back home. Turns out she went to church with Yeonjun and they drove here together. It was nice to eat something that wasn't camp food for one and it distracted Beomgyu from his now swollen knee. Taehyun's hand rested on his thigh above the brace and gently rubbed up and down, to make him feel better of course. The two occasions gave shy and giggly smiles to one another when the woman wasn't looking. 

"Now be careful next time, call me if you need an anywhere okay. And don't let him do anything stupid Taehyun."

"Yes, Ms. Park." They both said, stepping out of her car onto the ground outside their cabin. 

Taehyun lightly held onto the other's waist, guiding him into the cabin with his limp extremely present.

"Are you okay?" 

"What happened at the hospital?"

"Is that a knee brace?"

"Dang what happened to you kid."

"My child oh no."

Five faces met them and rushed to crowd the injured. Three of them were their cabin mates, and two were Youth leaders that definitely weren't allowed to be around each other.

"Back up- what are two doing here?" 

They all looked at Yeonjun who was staring at the floor in guilt. 

"I invited them."

"What? You?"

"I wanted to... apologize... I felt bad."

"So they know it was you?"

"Yeah."

Jungkook sighed and nodded. 

"I mean we are angry with him but obviously he has been beating himself up about it, so we'll get over it, even if Tae is a bit pissed... sorry Soobin." 

Soobin laughed and pouted. 

"It's fine, I'm kind of getting used to the swearing thing living with these two" he chuckled pointing at Taehyun and Beomgyu. 

Everyone laughed and the limping boy sat on the nearest bunk. 

"So what did they say?" Kai said referring to his knee.

"Just a minor displacement. They popped in back into place."

"Ouch."

"Well, it would have hurt more if it wasn't my metal one... I think."

"Why do you even have a metal one?"

"Car accident."

"Ooh. Where you the only one in the car or where there other-"

"Kai you should just stop there."

"What?"

"Just.. touchy subject," Taehyun mumbled, looking at the downturned face of his friend.

"Sorry Hyung."

"It's okay."

Suddenly a ringing of a phone cut through the tension-filled silence. Everyone looked around and went to grab their phones.

"It's mine hold up." Spoke Yeonjun.

The boy stared down at the screen and gasped. Face filled with surprise and confusion. 

"What wrong? Who is it?"

"Uh, my Dad..."

"Oh, then why the face?"

"U haven't spoken with him in fifteen years. I didn't even know I had his number."

An early silence sweep over them, all that was heard was the cracking of the cabin door, and Yeonjun rushing out to answer the call.

"I didn't know he didn't talk to his Dad." Sadly said Soobin.

"There is a lot of things you don't know about people until they tell you." Mumbled Taehyung who had been quiet in the back of the cabin. "A lot of people here actually have to shit lives back home."

"Oh really?" Curiously asked Soobin. "Do you guys?"

Small nods and sad looks were giving by practically everyone.

"For real? All of you?"

Taehyung stood sighed. 

"You don't?"

That sparked something in Soobin. He's never been asked something like that he's never actually thought about if his life back home was good or not. 

"I don't know.."

"Well you should probably figure that out before you go back.... anyways I got to go back to my Cabin before homophobe central finds me here and thinks I'm "spreading the homosexual agenda to the innocent minds of the youth" again. I'll see you all later."

"Me too, they kind watch us like hawks nowadays."

Jungkook put his hand on the doorknob before hesitantly turning around and hugging his boyfriend and whispering a "sorry" before planting a kiss on his forehead then his lips as he cupped his cheeks, then turned out the door.

"Leave a few minutes after me, okay baby?"

"Okay."

Both their voices sound sad and defeated. But yet Soobin had never seen something so filled with affection back home. He had only seen his parents kiss maybe three times in his whole life, and he was beginning to think that they were the screwed-up ones and not all the so-called "sinners" that they told and warned him of. His parents always preached kindness and love, but his new friend that just happened to be someone they would hate treated him with more kindness than they did. They were always watching his every move and scolding him for every little thing did wrong. And boys were cute enough so he didn't see what the problem with being attracted to them was. 

As he looked at the boy wearing a new knee brace something hit him. He wanted to figure out who he was, not who his parents wanted him to be. Even if it meant they'd hate him. He wanted to try alcohol, figure what the big deal around sex was, cuss, discover his sexuality, explore other religions, party, break the rules. He wanted to be free. And after all, he did have two months without their watchful and judgmental eyes against him twenty-four-seven. 

"Beomgyu how did you know you were gay?" He asked the second the other YCL left.

"What?"

"How did you know you were gay?"

50 days left


	12. Day 11

"Ok, just don't do too much at once-"

Jin was cut off by the tall boy that Beomgyu brought over to his cabin picking up the bottle of Alcohol and sipping it down at a fast past.

"Woah there-"

The YCL grasped the bottle out of his hands and Soobin's face twisted in disgust.

"That is awful." he shivered.

"Yeah, I warned you."

Soobin had skipped a lesson, breaking a rule for one of the first times in his life, to drink alcohol. All his cabin mates minus Kai (who wanted to be with his sister) were in YCL cabin with him and they all gasped at how he went to take another sip. 

"It tastes like nail polish remover"

"Then why do you keep drinking it?"

"Let me be a sinner Yeonjun, shut up."

"Damn ok."

Soobin's eyes sparkled and he wore a mysterious smile marked in euphoria. He felt high on freedom.

"Wait! Someone tell me to swear!"

Beomgyu and Taehyun looked at each other with an odd face.

"Are you sure you want to swear?"

"Yes!"

"Ummmm... ok then. Go on."

Soobin took a dramatic breath in for entertainment purposes before leading out a child-like "bitch!"

The room erupted in laughs and shouts, campers falling and hitting each other in hysteria. 

"Ok sinner, Imma take this now before you throw the f-word around." Chuckled Hoseok with a pat on the back and a grab of the alcohol bottle.

Soobin smiled proudly and flopped down on the bunk next to Yeonjun. 

"This is fun."

"There is a lot more where that came from." 

"Like what?"

Hoseok eyed the others before tsking. 

"You really want to throw away the entirety of your perfect Christian boy exterior don't you?"

"Why not?

"Hmm well, you should go find someone willing to make out with you."

"Who?"

"I dunno, you said you wanted to experiment. Ask Beomgyu."

Soobin smirked as the imaginary idea lightbulb hovered about his head and sat up down in front of the said boy, knees on the ground and hands held together in front of him.

"Choi Beomgyu, please let me make out with you. A man needs to make his parents upset."

Beomgyu's eyes widen and his face flushed. He never had kissed a boy before. He had kissed several girls in dumb spin-the-bottle games, or awkward sexuality cover up dates: But never someone of the gender he was actually attracted to

"I've never kissed a guy..."

"You said you were gay though!"

"Yeah Yeonjun, and you said you play six instruments but I haven't seen you play any!"

"And what about it?"

"Please Beomgyu. I haven't either. Just friends doing friends things?"

"How is making out with you a friend's thing?"

"You are helping me figure out my sexuality!"

"O-ok I guess."

"So you'll do it?"

"Sure?"

Taehyun felt annoyance build up in him for some reason at the cheers of Soobin. The sight of the two looking at each other made him feel sickly. Yeonjun was dead quiet, bringing his knees up to his chest, trying to ignore the situation at hand.

And when they both walked into their cabin with Kai later that day, the colour rushed from their faces seeing Beomgyu above Soobin in the same position that he and Taehyun had been on the sand around the lake, but what was different was how they were kissing each other while the older's fingers moved into his hair. 

"I thought you weren't being serious about the kissing thing!"

"I need to experience life!" Smiled Soobin, who had his hands at the knee brace of Beomgyu whose hair was sticking in every which direction with red slick lips and a wrinkled shirt.

Kai stared and shook his hands in front of him. 

"Wait- Did I miss something."

"He's trying to figure out what gender he likes, disobeying his parents, he drank alcohol, said bitch, blah blah blah." Huffed Yeonjun in a cold voice.

The boy pushed past everyone and walked over to the bag underneath his bunk, rolling his eyes as he snatched clothes and a towel from out it.

"I'm going to go shower, I'll see you all later." He exclaimed, slamming the door. 

Soobin looked at the door and shock and pushed Beomgyu off the top of him, making him roll on the sheets to rush and open it again.

"You can't go by yourself, I'm your buddy!"

"How bout you go make Beomgyu your new buddy since you like him so much." He hollering, walking off without turning around.

Yeonjun had always been so nice to Soobin up until that point. He was so gentle and always spoke kindly, careful to not upset anything he stood for or do anything that made him uncomfortable or uneasy. But the middle finger that was held up to the sky directed towards him was not apart of that.

"what crawled up his butt and died?" Coughed Taehyun, who was trying to fix Beomgyu's hair and messy clothing.

"Beomgyu." Cackled Kai moments before the entire room glared at him and he raised his hands in defence. "Ok not a time to be the comedic relief emotion support friend, got it."

They all returned to their separate bunks, and Beomgyu stayed on Taehyun's which he had been kissing Soobin on.

"...how was it?"

"Good."

Beomgyu liked kissing. It was freeing and it took his mind off things. It made his heart rush and his hands shake with a blush on his cheeks. He always imagined kissing a boy as weird, despite how many times he fantasized about it, but the second Soobin let him control how it went pride caught up to him. He felt static at how he never tried to push him off him, or how he let him bite at his lip with no complaints. And the fact that he was the younger of the two, but still had some type of authority over him, really made him want to never go back to life without kissing boys.

"Good actually... like better than the normal kiss."

"What's a normal kiss like?

Beomgyu gasped and a teasing grin met his face.

"Tae have you never kissed someone?"

"No..."

"Why not? Plenty of girls like you around camp. I hear them talking about you all the time!"

"I just have been connected to someone like that I guess? Like I can't just kiss ANYONE."

"Why not? It's just a kiss."

Taehyun sighed, he didn't even know if he liked girls, and he couldn't experiment because he hated the idea of flirting with someone he wasn't used to. By the time he got close enough to anyone he could kiss, he already had it engraved in his mind that they were just friends due to how long it took an emotional bond to form inside him. 

"Yes... my first kiss."

"The importance of a first kiss isn't all that big ya know? Like it just lips on lips."

"I know... but like... I don't know it's weird."

"How is it weird?"

"Like it's awkward and cringey to think about doing that with someone."

"Kissing?"

"Yeah, and just everything about romance and sexuality." 

"Are you asexual by any chance"

Taehyun instantly thought of the burning and throbbing sensation in his stomach when Beomgyu pulled his hair and whispered in his ear two days before. But he couldn't just say that he had been very interested in the way his hands looked straight up to his face like that.

"I guess? Kinda? Maybe? I don't know... It depends."

"Oh.."

Disappoint cut Beomgyu's lungs. He partially knew why, but he was still very confused at the magnitude of it. Taehyun didn't even like guys in the first place... or at least that's what he assumed. If he was asexual he wished he could take back all those suspicious touches he actions he did and gave to his friend over the past few days. He must have been uncomfortable.

That's why he found himself kissing Soobin again in the east side bathrooms. He pushed out the image of Taehyun and focused on the lips of the older. He pulled back and stared at the eyes of the boy, he was more sensual and confident in kissing than he thought he would be. Every touch and press of fingers and mouths given by him was lined in sin. 

"You're really are something aren't you Hyung?"

His eyes were hooded and glazed over and he twisted his black shirt around his fist. 

"Mhm."

"So do you know if you like guys yet?"

"Oh yeah... guys are waaaaaaaaay cute."

"Interesting."

Beomgyu then held his waist and got serious.

"You know we can't date though right? Like I don't like you like that."

"And I don't like you like that either, it just two dudes kissing."

"Okay good. So just friends that make out then?"

"Just friends that make out."

"Aight bet."

However, the whole rest of the Cabin didn't see it like that. Taehyun and Kai whispered at the dinner table to each other, questioning what they were. And Yeonjun rolled his eyes at the casual mentions of them kissing, then turned and obviously and very loudly flirted with Lea, Kai's sister, who he thought was very pretty, and made him forget why he had been pissed off at Soobin in the first place.

And of course, the camp leaders were beyond confused when Taehyun showed up in the middle of the night, completely pissed, stressed, and crying.

"What happened?"

"I like Beomgyu that's what happened."

"What?! Aren't you ace?"

"Did Jim tell you that? I was only questioning it. Plus ace people can have romantic feelings. But obviously, I'm not, so let me in I'm sleeping in here tonight."

"Are you gonna tell us whyyyyy?" Answered Jimin.

"Soobin and Beomgyu snuck out to kiss in the fucking bathrooms and woke me up when they came back."

"Soobin the farm kid?"

"Yes, Don't ask, it was Hoseok's idea." 

Taehyun blocked out the memory of Soobin's giggles at the door, and the hushed whispers of Beomgyu telling him to be quiet. His chest burned and his heart clenched, immediately realizing why it hurt so bad. He waited till he believed they fell asleep and tip-toed out the room to start crying. He was so stupid, if he had just realized a day earlier it would have been fine, but now Beomgyu was sucking faces with a boy who wasn't even planning to kiss someone until he was in his thirties just less than a week ago.

"K, c'mon in then. You can be my little spoon for the night." 

Taehyun then fell asleep sniffled against the chest of a pink-haired leader. They moved their hands up and down his back and they snuggled him close. 

"Boys aren't shit okay?" He mumbled seconds before he drifted off into a dream.

49 days left.


	13. Day 12

Taehyun hadn't gotten his period in a year in half because of testosterone, but for some reason, it decided to make an appearance at the end of the second week during camp. He's been crying all morning.

He remembers waking up and immediately panicking.

"Beomgyu!" He whispered yelled to his bunk, he was awake earlier than everyone else drawing.

"What?" He said back.

Taehyun had did a hand motion to get him to walk towards him and he whispered the situation in his ear. 

"U-um okay, j-just umm.... go to bathrooms real quick and I'll change your sheets and try to find something alright?"

"Ok, thank you."

Taehyun rushed out and ran as fast as he could to the bathrooms just as directed. Beomgyu changed the sheets. Secretly placing them in a random pile of sheets in the laundry rooms outside a section of girl cabins and stole a new clean one. 

"Hello, ma'am." He suspiciously voiced towards the nurse at her small shack by the lake.

"Hello. What are you doing here so early? It's barely 7:15."

"My.... sister.... texted me that she started her period and she's too embarrassed to ask for any products from her cabin mates."

"Oh that's so sweet, you've come to get some for her?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Here." 

Beomgyu quickly bowed and rushed a 'thank you' after the box of items that was put in his hand. He speed walked to the bathrooms, limping and wincing due to his knee. He was trying to hurry because he remembers how Taehyun told him how bad his dysphoria had been before testosterone and surgery and how he would shut down during his periods, he knew he was probably freaking out right bow. 

When he finally arrived he heard sniffles, making his heart sink.

"Tae?"

"...G-gyu?"

"Yes, I have it."

He walked in front of the stall and pulled it out of his pocket and held it over the door. He felt shaking fingertips lightly touch his and shyly take it from his hold.

When Taehyun was finished he awkwardly opened the door to see Beomgyu leaning against the wall playing with his phone.

"Thank you." He mumbled.

Taehyun felt weak and his lower back stomach ached, but mostly defeated. He went so long without having to feel this type of emotional struggle that it was like having to deal with it for the first time all over again. He was finally starting to see himself as a boy, fully, but it all came crashing into the floor.

He suddenly started to sob.

"I'm sorry." He wailed in insecurity, wrapping his arms around his waist due to pain and the want to cover himself.

He wished to no longer been seen. Especially in front of a boy he just decided he liked. He couldn't believe that he even started having those types of feelings when he himself was just pretending to be the gender he liked (which wasn't even a bit close to being true). He wasn't what he wanted and there was nothing he could do to stop it because he wanted someone who was born as a boy and didn't have to deal with stupid period problems, someone like Soobin maybe. 

"Tae..." Beomgyu said sadly, his tears picking at his heartstrings.

He moved forward and put his hands on the boy's wrists, moving them off and out of the self-protective stance he had put them in, and replaced the arms with his, letting him put them back around his neck. His dark hair tickled Taehyun's ear as his head was face down into his neck while rubbing circles on his lower back while he cried. 

"It's okay, it's not your fault. You can't control it."

"I know..." 

"Do you want me to tell the others you are sick today? I can stay in the cabin with you and we can just talk and listen to music."

"Yes please." 

Taehyun later found himself bundled in every single one of the blankets inside the cabin in a so-called "burrito" made by Beomgyu.

"Gyu... it's kind of hot."

"But you said you usually used heating pads. Isn't this the same?"

"I- know I only need it on parts that hurt dodo."

"Oh- well in that cause, where does it hurt?"

"My lower stomach mostly."

Beomgyu smiled and started to unravel the blankets around him one by one until there was onto two left, he pushed the younger by his shoulders onto his back so he was looking at the top of the bunk above him, and he continued to slightly open up the two blankets and shimming into them next to Taehyun.

"What are you doing?"

"I am becoming a human heating pad, let me do my job."

"Okay?"

He slightly scooted down so his head was lined up with ribbed caged and he hugged the bottom of his torso, looking up at him with doe eyes.

"This better?"

"Yeah actually."

Taehyun's fingers subconsciously met his crush's hair and he swallowed at the dry lump of a fast heartbeat in the back of his throat that had formed by the fingers of the other dipping under his shirt and his palm laying flat against the sore muscles on his stomach. His thumb traced the area around his belly button and he nudged his head against his side cutely. 

"Good"

At some point, after the others left to do whatever activities and lessons were planned Beomgyu stripped the Grey jacket he always wore off, revealing a black muscle-tee that showed off his shoulders and arms and cut low at the armpits to reveal the top of his side and rib cage. Taehyun shyly and nervously moved his hands from out his hair and down to the bare shoulder and upper bicep to lightly poke it, causing Beomgyu's body to shake in tiny laughs.

"What are you doing?" He giggled.

Taehyun is shown with embarrassment and the fluster of a blush. 

"I dunno... it was just right there."

Beomgyu chuckled again at the response and dragged his hand from under his shirt, holding the fingers on his shoulder to bring them to his ribs. 

"I like to feel right here sometimes, it more fun than my arms."

"Oh- o-okay."

The hand slipped back under his shirt and cupped around his side, thumb now painfully close to the waistband of the Lilo and stitch pyjamas he was wearing. The boy's head covered in brown hair moved further so it was slightly on his own rips and lower chest. 

Taehyun felt warmth all over the underneath of his skin and he was praying that Beomyu couldn't here the obnoxiously loud beating coming out his chest. 

His hands trembled against the ridges of bone and light muscle of Beomgyu's ribs. He didn't know what to do in the situation, and what to take of his friend being so shameless, almost flirty, and way too casual for someone who had a hand up to his shirt.

"Your skin is really soft," Beomgyu whispered so quietly that it nearly missed Taehyun's ears.

Beomgyu felt like he did when he was pinning Taehyun against the sand of the dock. The shaky fingers on his ribs burned and he tried his hardest to not squeeze onto the boy's side to test if it would make noises escape him like when he pulled the root of his hair that one time. 

The sound of caught breathing and loud heartbeats thickened the air of the Cabin. 

"Taehyun?" Beomgyu asked after several minutes of not talking.

"Yeah?" 

"I've never been as close to someone as I am with you.... and it's only been two weeks... do you think that's weird?"

"No, I'm the same way."

"Ok..."

The silence sounded again and Jealously crept up on the blonde. If Beomgyu was so close with him then why was he kisses Soobin and not him? 

He began to curse inside his head for how sensitive he was being, he knew it was just because of his hormones but he felt like yelling and both crying at the same time. 

"We'll see each other after camp right?" He said, throat closing up in emotions.

"Yeah, of course, we are both from Daegu, I don't see why we wouldn't."

The conversation abruptly ended when Taehyun's stomach twisted in pain and he hissed, bringing his legs up in a quick motion from the flat way they were against the bed. 

"What's wrong?" The other asked, quickly sitting up by propping his hands underneath him, leaning over the younger's body.

"It's just c-cramps. They'll go away in a second."

Beomgyu's eyes searched Taehyun's which were squinting and framed by creased eyebrows. Before he knew it or even had to think the action through he threw a leg over him, pushed his raised knees back down and held his hips steady from the tensing of his muscles.

"Tell me if you want me to stop." He mumbled.

"What-"

Taehyun felt his thin long sleeve white shirt being pushed up, then two hands against the skin of his abs. His breath hitched and eyes shut closed. His stomach was falling and rising dramatically and Beomgyu could see twitching of the muscles. The hands started to massage it away.

By this point the boy in pain had sat up, leaning on his palms, and made eye contact with his helper. The whole situation felt so domestic and intimate and it could be found in the way they looked at each other. His entire body could feel some type of tension, hoping he wasn't the only one who liked how his hands were so big in comparison to his stomach. 

Beomgyu softly smiled before looking back down at his hands that had a white shirt draping over them. His mind began to slip at the sight and his entire aura changed, he suddenly couldn't remember getting into the position and he couldn't recall waking up, or practically any of the day that was slowly passing. And the way they were was very suspicious. His head burst into a stinging headache. 

Taehyun's face was beat red and his bottom lip was glossy and irrated (from his bad habit of bitting it when he was nervous but he didn't know that.) His mouth was slightly open and his eyes were glazed over, hair jumbled in a mess. He then looked at himself and he was wearing less clothing than he usually did, he always wore his Father's grey jacket when around people, but all he had nowon was a sleeveless back shirt. 

His face washed in confusion and pulled his hands back. He wondered if he touched him in a way he probably wouldn't like again. 

"What?"

"I didn't say anything."

"No why are we sitting like this? I- I can't remember."

Taehyun's face paled and he completely dismissed the pain in his stomach. 

"W-what? You don't?"

"No, I only remember leaving the Cabin with Soobin Hyung last night."

"Oh."

Beomgyu awkwardly got off of him and looked around at the mess of the Cabin. Blankets and pillows were everywhere and they were the only ones in the room. 

"I got my period and you told me you'd stay here with me, you were just helping me with cramps."

"Period- only girls get those though?"

Taehyun had never felt so fucked within that moment. Those words hurt.

"Do you not r-remember?" 

"Remember what?"

"T-the day we went to the lake and Mr. Oh showed up?"

"No, I remember that, we talked about my parents for a lite bit, but I don't recall Mr. Oh being there."

"No, no, no, you're joking. You're telling me you just forgot? Gyu you've known about it for like a week and a half though!"

"Known about what? And we've only been here for one week that's not possible."

"Beom... it's the fifteenth now, I think your head injury made you forget too much this time. Don't you think it's weird that you and Soobin started kissing in secret if you really can't remember that much?"

Beomgyu stood and gasped.

"Oh my god! That is weird! You literally aren't joking. I thought you were pranking me."

"No... I can fill you in on the things you don't remember though?"

"That- okay please."

Taehyun told him about everything his injured brain had dropped from his memory. All except for the day he came out to him... making up some random lie on how he knew he was gay before the others did. He really hadn't forgot that much, except for Soobin's "come to sin" moment before they decide to kiss, him finding out about him being Transgender, the seven deadly sins lessons, and bits and pieces of other days, including the entirety of his trip the hospital

"You told me at the lake before Mr. Oh came." he said about him coming out.

Maybe if he didn't know he was the part girl he'd have a better chance of liking him back.

"Oh okay, that makes sense. Sorry, I forgot so much."

"It's fine. It isn't your fault."

48 days left.


	14. Day 13

Yeonjun remembers the day his dad left him and his Mother so vividly that it's as if it occurred just yesterday, even if he was he was only three years old at the time. 

He and his mother had been fighting the entire day and he had packed a suitcase and left everything behind when she threw a glass vase at him. He still doesn't know why that was the last straw for him because it was the first time she had ever done anything to him, despite how often he hurt her and her kid. 

Yeonjun doesn't recall getting hurt by his Dad, but he had been told about it when he was thirteen. 

His mother was a high-school dropout and didn't have a job because she got pregnant with Yeonjun at the young age of sixteen, so when he left and never came back they were searching for pennies in every the last corner of their extremely small apartment, living paycheck to paycheck from the nine to five job she had serving tables at a local restaurant. At some point, Yeonjun even got taken into foster care because he wasn't getting food as often as he should, causing the teachers at his elementary school to be worried about how skinny he was, contacted authorities when he said he only could eat at school. 

But everything seemed to turn up when his mom got promoted to assistant manager within the restaurant. She works twenty-four-seven so she never gets to see him, but at least he isn't going hungry anymore.

Yeonjun used music to cope with the usual absence of his mom, that's why he knows how to play so many instruments and how he's so good at singing. 

So when Yeonjun received a call from the man who cause all of this to happen when Beomgyu arrived back at the Cabin after his trip to the hospital he was furious and shocked. 

"Your mother and I are getting remarried."

Apparently, they had met again for the first time at the restaurant, and he quickly became a regular. They had been secretly seeing each other being Yeonjun's back for eight months now, and he proposed on the third day of camp. 

He has been in a bad mood ever since. He's irritable and annoyed at all hours of the day, but he usually keeps it covered. It only comes out when something triggers him.... like Soobin.

Soobin confuses him because he is sweet and caring and feminine in a way. He hates how he finds him attractive and how he recently decided to start kissing Beomgyu. But don't be fooled... he doesn't like him. Or at least that's what he'd tell someone if they asked. 

Yeonjun is straight. It's just that Soobin isn't your typical boy and it angers him how much he makes him question that statement. He has never once been entranced by a male before, but he just happens to be the one that somehow managed to do it.

Trying to ignore this situation, he and Taehyun sat outside the arts and crafts building today after one of his blowups. Beomgyu had something a little too suspicious around the subject of Soobin's lips, and he started to yell at him over how he's trying to change him. Ever since the "come to sin" day of his pretty friend, he's been acting differently... he isn't as innocent or sweet, and he began to enjoy swearing and inappropriate jokes. But Yeonjun could tell it still made him slightly uncomfortable... he believed Beomgyu was causing it.

"You know he's still the same person right, he's just figuring himself out, Beomgyu doesn't have anything to do with it."

"Is that why you hate them kissing too?"

"W-what?"

"Don't lie to me... I know you like him. I have eyes Taehyun."

"I mean I guess? It's just jealousy but I'm still not the one trying to force them into stopping... they obviously enjoy whatever they are doing."

Yeonjun huffed and rolled his eyes.

"It just pisses me off."

"Everything pisses you off lately."

"I know..."

"Why?"

"My parents are getting married again."

"Isn't that a good thing?"

"No."

"Oh... well whatever happened before they divorced the first time doesn't involve Soobin."

"I never said it does?"

"Well, you sure as hell are taking it out on him."

"W-what?"

"How many times have you been rude to him in the past two days? You're being an ass to him."

"No, I'm not."

"You literally almost made him cry this morning."

"I did?"

"Yes."

Taehyun remembers waking up and hearing Yeonjun getting mad at him for asking him to walk to the bathrooms with him.

"Why the hell would I do that?" He muttered, slipping on a camp shirt.

"Well we are buddies... and friends so I thought-"

"You can walk by yourself dumbass." He mumbled, walking out of the cabin.

Soobin's eyes and face were running in hurt. The same way they did when he got pushed into the mud. 

"...did I do something?" He asked Kai and the male shrugged.

The boy pouted and wiped away any tears that were trying to form and painted an obviously fake smile on his mouth, to ask Taehyun if he could walk with him instead. 

Yeonjun thought back on this and guilt hit. He felt like a Jerk. Soobin wasn't his father so he shouldn't be putting his feelings around him onto him. 

He sat in front of the cute boy later that day, feeling bad and planning to apologize.

"I'm sorry for being mean to you for the past few days Soobie... I didn't mean it." He whispered softly, looking into the confused eyes.

Soobin's face softened and his lip jutted out, eyes glazing over. 

"So you don't hate me?" He asked in a shaking voice on the brink of breaking down.

Yeonjun felt a thousand times worse and subconsciously leaned forward to move hair out of the taller's face.

"No, no, of course not. You didn't do anything, Hyung was just in a bad mood, okay? And he promises not to do it again."

"Even if I like boys and kiss Beomgyu sometime?" He voiced, head-turning down, little tears dripping onto his lap. "I can't control who I like Hyung... I'm sorry if you don't like me now because of it."

Yeonjun's throat closed at the sight and he suddenly began to feel like an idiot forever saying anything negative about liking the same gender. 

"Bun, I'm just not used to the whole gay thing and I'm still trying to understand it, but you can like whoever you want and I'll still going to think of you as a close friend."

"Y-you sure?"

"One hundred percent."

Soobin nodded shyly and wiped his tears off in embarrassment, looking up to meet Yeonjun's face full of self-hatred. 

"I'm sorry for crying."

Yeonjun rolled his eyes and dismissed the words by hugging him tightly. They were once again Yeonjun and Soobin. Not Soobin and Beomgyu, or Yeonjun and his Dad. Just them. 

Next to apologize to was Beomgyu. 

He made his way into the cabin and found him drawing a picture of a familiar face that made him smirk.

"Is that Taehyun?"

"Is that the dick that yells at people for no reason?" He retorted, looking up with annoyance.

"Ok I deserved that... but I came to say I'm sorry. You can kiss Soobin all you want, I get he's trying to find himself and I'm sorry for blaming you for it."

"Hmmm okay... fine I forgive you, but on one condition."

"Which is?"

"Give me your almond milk at dinner."

"What- you don't like almond milk though."

"I know... but Taehyun does."

"Oooooh okay." 

Yeonjun agreed to the condition and played down on his bed to knowing smirk and a growing idea within his head.

He's going to start playing cupid. 

He confirmed Taehyun's feelings, he just needs to get Beomgyu's to be official. That way they too would finally stop pretending that they weren't holding hands under the lunch table every day and that they could finally confess. That way Beomgyu could stop kissing Soobin and start kissing Taehyun. It was a win-win situation and everyone would get what they wanted, even if they didn't know what it was they wanted yet. Maybe he could even take Beomgyu's place in kiss-

Yeonjun stopped in his thoughts.

"Why would I kiss Soobin? I'm not gay," he told himself.

Yes, It was completely normal to be straight and stare at the light reflecting off of your male friend's lips when he's talking, and to imagine the girl that you flirt with at meals as him because you don't see anything when you don't. And it was super straight to have dreams about his collarbones and constantly think about how he leaned over you in your cabin to get a pillow and you couldn't push the intense feeling to touch his neck that was above you. Or to get jealous at how he kissed someone that wasn't you. 

Completely and utterly straight. Choi Yeonjun. 

And he wasn't writing a song about how much he appreciated Soobin and how he wanted to be the person who he came to when he was upset. 

47 days


	15. Day 14

Taehyun was an insecure person, just like most teens his age. He doubted himself often and criticized himself in pictures and mirrors. But yet he still believed that if he started to develop feelings for someone he wouldn't lose himself within them. But he momentarily did for almost two days when Beomgyu's memory of him being a transgender dropped out of no where.

He was still a sensible person, of course, even though he knew that the other would mostly only interested in a person who was born the gender he was attracted to and that he'd have a better chance of him liking him back if he just didn't know, he was also aware that lying and hiding your true colours to someone you hope to be a relationship with one day, no matter what level if unrequited you believed it to be, was a plan that could only go bad. 

Because of Taehyun’s maturity levels around the situation involving his crush’s head injury side affected, on the fourteenth day of camp, exactly two weeks in, making it a family day, (Soobin, Yeonjun, and Kai's parents had already arrived at the entrance but Beomgyu and Taehyun's hadn't) they to sat and waited in their bunks for a director to notify them when their guardians would officially check in and be verified, he finally dropped the bomb, coming clean. 

"I'm transgender." 

"....so you want she/her pronouns?"

"No Gyu, I was born a girl."

"Oh... OHHHH is that why you said you had your period the other day?" 

"Yeah." 

Taehyun wished he didn't have to be such a good person when it calms to keeping a healthy dynamic between you and those you cared for. He already wanted Beomgyu to forget the fact again. Doubts and insecurity crawled under his skull at his sudden confession. 

"Wait... doesn’t that mean I already knew?"

"Yes."

"And didn't you say anything when I forgot stuff?”

"No. And I'm sorry for lying. You didn't actually tell me you were gay at the lake, you told me when you and Jimin walked in on Taehyung giving me a testosterone shot."

"Why did you lie?"

"It would just make things easier."

"What things?"

"Just- don't worry about it. I'm sorry Beom."

"It's okay, you told me now and that's all that matters.

"Okay."

Taehyun's lips trembled in a smile and reached for the boy's fingertips, thumb rubbing the scarring knuckles from when he had hit those boys a week or so ago. They sat crisscrossed in front of each other on the bunk above the older's. Beomgyu's own thumbs found their way above his and he moved their hands together to be held down on their shins.

"And this is the Cabin." Soobin annoyance at the now open door. 

Two ageing figures stood beside him and they wore loose outfits that covered the majority of their bodies. They were also slightly fancy, as it was Sunday. 

Taehyun felt his blood run cold at the judging look from the man with peppering and balding hair, staring at the two's hands. He let go slowly and awkwardly let Beomgyu's fingers glide out his, then he scooted back a few inches on the bunk.

"Are these your Cabin mates?" He pointed.

Soobin nodded, looking up at them with a nearly pained expression screaming "help me".

"That's Beomgyu, and that's Taehyun. They're both younger than me."

"Where are your parent's boys? Have they not come yet?"

They are dead.

Beomgyu's face turned down and he looked at the navy smooth blanket on the bunk. Soobin scratched his neck and touched his father's arm lightly.

"Dad he d-"

"I think he can speak for himself. Did your father not teach you to answer your elders?"

"Um Beomgyu's parent's ar-

"Honey-"

"Be quiet Minsoo. Are you going to answer me?"

Tiny incoherent mumbles fell out of Beomgyu's at such a low volume that the man huffed.

"Speak up." 

"I said they are dead. They died in an accident six months ago."

Taehyun cringed at the cracks in his voice and he rubbed the shell of his braced knee to try and console him. Beomgyu's hand naturally found its way on top of it without thinking, 

"Now don't tell me you let them touch each other like that right in front of you Soobin."

The man's son tried to shrink in size despite his towering height at the stern voice he was so used to hearing. He used to get the same tone when he’d mess up on a chore, or say he didn't want to go preaching with them as often as he did. He avoided his sharp gaze and met the caring ones of his mom. 

"They aren't doing anything, it's just hand touching."

"Not doing anything? I could tell they were faggots from the moment I laid eyes on the sissy one's hair! Don't go lying to me now or I'll take you right back home."

Sissy. If Taehyun wasn’t feeling dysphoric and insecure before, he was now. His hormones were not helping the angered part of him either. 

"I'm not lying! They are just friends!"

"Sir he's right. We aren't- we don't-"

"Zip it." He boomed.

"Dad don't talk to them like that!"

"Since when did you learn to speak back to me?!"

"When you decided to call my friends faggots. Even if they were it's not any of your buses-"

A loud echoing of a slap hit the walls of the cabins and the frames of the beds. Soobin cried out and held his stinging cheek in shock, slowly looking down at his short father. He saw his mother step behind him, trying to not be seen.

"Do not ever speak to me that way! God said to respect and follow your parents! Do you want to go to hell!?"

"N-n-no."

"That's what I thought. Now you better teach these two some sanity before the next time I see them or you are going back to the home with us."

"But Dad-"

"Nope. You don't have a say in this, I'm going to go see your sister now and hopefully you have thought about the things you have said to me before dinner."

"Yes Sir."

The door slammed and Soobin's eyes hooded in embarrassment.

"I'm sorry... he usually isn't like that. He has never actually hit me before...” He whispered, not facing the two teens. 

The younger boys met in a glance of concern before the blonde pushed past the the brunette to climb down the ladder of the bunk. 

Against Soobin's face a red mark in the shape of a hand shown, and his eyes were glossy in shame. Taehyun did not say or do anything but hug him. It was one of their first one-on-one interacts since he started kissing Beomgyu. Which was getting more and more frequently by the way. 

The taller hid his face in his hands, feeling guilty.

"I'm so dumb. I should have just listened to him in the fir-"

"Hyung shut up."

"But-"

"Just shut up."

Beomgyu then found himself following what the other did and shimmed himself in between the two to hug them both. Soobin pouted and sniffled, finally giving in and embracing them back. 

"They'd hate me if they found out."

"Found out what?"

"That I've been kissing a boy."

The spoken of scoffed and let go. 

"It's not like you need to tell them. We live in different cities outside of camp, so I seriously doubt we'll be making out at your barn anytime soon."

"But what happens when I like a boy later on though? What then?”

"Well, then you can cross that bridge when you get to it. But you don't have to worry about it right now." Whispered Taehyun in a gentle tone, cupping the cheek with a red mark to further look at it and frown. "He hit you hard"

"Yeah... it only hurt a little though, I’m fine." He told moments before a long pause and a sharp inhale of a breath filled in pain. "But what if I already like a boy?"

"Soobin I thought you said you didn't like me like that?"

"I don't... it's someone else."

"Who?"

"It doesn't matter. He's straight anyway." He whined, folding his arms in annoyance like a child having a temper-tantrum. 

"It does matter... you like him Hyung. That means he's important." Taehyun spoke, smiling.

"Yeah definitely! Do we know him?"

A nod.

"Ok, then who is it."

"....Kai."

Teases and giggles surrounded the three as a certain ashy/blonde boy with growing in dark brown roots stood frozen with a hand against the outside of the door. 

"Honey, what's wrong?" Asked his mother, who was a few feet behind him.

"Ah um, nothing..." he faked, his chest closing in itself.

Hearing the voice of Soobin saying that name made him wish he had never stepped foot on the campgrounds two weeks ago. It felt like he was expierncing his his first heartbreak all over again. It was the same stinging in the back of his lungs. 

Stop it Yeonjun. He's your friend. You're not gay. You don't like him. 

He plastered on a grin and pushed the door open.

"Hey everyone! Meet Mama Choi!" He cheered, probably a little too enthusiastically. 

"Hi!"

"Hello!"

"Hello Ma'am!"

"Hi boys, it nice to meet you. I brought a cake from my restaurant in Seoul!"

"Really?!"

"Seriously?"

"Is it chocolate?"

"Yes, yes, and yes. Don't let it spoil your Dinner."

“Hyung. I love your Mom.”

Yeah.. And apparently so does his stupid dad.

46 days left


	16. Day 15

Beomgyu had been starting to get bad again. 

The first two days of camp he felt normal, aside from the part where he had felt like he couldn't move without buffering due to numbness and dissatisfaction with his body.

The next few days he felt better. He had made friends with leaders and gotten close with a boy in his cabin. Then it came crashing down when he suddenly had to take a trip to the hospital that triggered memories of the accident that he'd been trying to suppress for several months. Then he forgot it even happened within the next few days. He went up and down, and up and down, and up and down again, never knowing how he would feel when waking up. 

His head always hurt and underlying stress was growing underneath his skin from the uncertainty that he kept forgetting things even though that happened minutes before. This even causes people to begin to call him Dory because he would often stop mid-sentence and need someone to fill him in on what he was saying before his brain cut off. 

It made him worry, which would often make it worse. It was like the more negative he thought or the more stress he put on himself to remember things, the more things would slip. He was losing control of the storybook of his life and it was driving him crazy. He couldn't sleep either the past four or so days either, and when he did he'd have nightmares.

He remembers gasping awake at three in the morning on the fifteenth day of camp, a hand on his chest and beads of sweat rolling down his face. He had felt chills all around him and he felt the unbearable need to cry at his dream.

He had seen himself stuck in the middle of the stone stair pit used for lessons by the lake, every last person at camp stared at him with disappointed eyes as he moved his eyes around not remembering anything or anyone around him. Kai had walked up to him and had stepped back in a swift motion of defence, not recognizing him. Then Yeonjun tried asking him what was wrong and the same occurred, then the YCL's he befriends all angrily shouted at him for not knowing who they were, second to last stood Soobin. The red mark across his cheek from his father was still there and he was crying thick tears, shouting in agony asking why he wouldn't respond to him. Finally was Taehyun, he looked sad and heartbroken, his arms reached out to his and he very obviously trembled at how he pushed him back. All while he watched the scene unravel, he pounded on a tv screen showing it, trying to get himself to remember everyone.

It was almost as bad as the dream from the night before where his parents never got into the crash and were still alive, but he had no recollection of being raised by them. He didn't even know his name.

Beomgyu whimpered and held the blanket on his legs tightly, afraid he'd forget about it too. He didn't like to cry, but he had to. What kind of friend forgets memories of entire days?

"Gyu?"

He looked up and saw the boy's in his cabin sitting up, every single one of them. He hadn't known he had woke them up with his cries but they all looked tired and confused.

Kai's blankets and sheets ruffled and a thud sounded as he jumped off his top bunk. He saw the outline of his dark figure coming towards him.

"Hey... What's wrong?" he softly questioned, sitting on the edge of his mattress.

"I had a nightmare."

"Wanna talk about it?"

"... I forgot everything. Like even you guys."

Beomgyu shook and hugged his knees against his chest, stuffing his face into them to avoid letting him see him crying, even though he knew he already had heard him.

He felt the bed dip again, and then again, and then one more time. He heard the voices of all his friends close by but his senses began to numb over and it seemed like he couldn't perceive anything correctly, it's like his brain suddenly shut down to stop him from feeling and he abruptly just stopped feeling anything, including what was being his crying.

As he moved his head back out where it was hiding behind his knees he looked up, everything seemed somewhat foggy or fake. The four kept trying to talk to him but he didn't respond back, he just continued to be entranced by the walls of the Cabin within his silence.

Taehyun knew what was happened, he'd notice him do it before, and he even had told him a little about it. Once. 

"Guys... I've got this okay? Just go back to bed."

"But Tae he's-"

"I know, just trust me."

"Okay."

As they climbed back into their beds Taehyun looked at the zoned-out boy with tried tears. His heart hurt at the site but it wasn't what mattered, he grabbed his head and pressed a kiss on top of his it, whispering a "hold on just one second."

He quickly stepped over to the suitcase of his by his own bunk and fumbled around the pockets, pulling out a necklace on a black cord with a red stone wrapped in silver bands, then he frowned gazing back at Beomgyu who has stilled zoning into the wall.

Soon Taehyun's hands connected the clasp on the end of the necklace around his neck and moved so he was sitting behind him, legs at the side of his that we're pulled to his chest, and pushed his hands into the small space around his waist. 

"This will help. The crystal is suppose to ground you and your thoughts... Can you say something for me?"

"Hmmm.."

Taehyun sighed at the response and pulled his body closer into his chest, and his head so it would fall from its place looking at the wall and against his shoulder. 

He had done research when Beomgyu had told him about the feeling he randomly gets that is like he isn't the one who controls his body, and how everything felt weird and numb, with so the inspiration or drive to move. He did a bit of self-diagnosing for him and decided it was almost like a form of dissociation from trauma. He stayed up late trying to figure out to pull people out of this type of thing when he occurred. The doctors on youtube and different information sites and pages had all said to give your loved one who was experiencing the sensation something positive to focus on, like physical touch if they were okay with it.

One of Taehyun's hands laid over one of his that we're holding his legs up and he rubbed it over the material of the blanket. All while the other played with his hair and played with he is and the skin on his neck. He lightly blowed on his neck with his mouth a fee inches away and soon he heard tiny giggles.

"Hey Gyu... You there now?" he smiled as the boy turned around with a little grin and looked up at him, nodding. "Feel better?"

"Mhm."

The two of their eyes met and Beomgyu's squinted as he smiled harder. He thought Taehyun's sleepy face was really cute and the arms around him made him was to giggle like a little girl. 

"You're cute Tae," he whispered, just enough for them to hear.

Taehyun tried to ignore how much his heart fluttered at the statement, watching Beomgyu's legs fall back down on the mattress, partially on top of his. But it was nearly impossible.

"Am I?" he inquired with a chuckle.

"Yeah... very cute. Like the cutest in camp."

"Really? Even Soobin Hyung?"

"Yes!"

Taehyun didn't know what he did to the boy, he was acting innocent child as opposing to his usual serious, quiet teasing personality. But he was glad he wasn't so far off into space that he couldn't even form a full sentence. 

His eyes widened as the male leaned his head towards him, looking at his lips and poking them, even pulling the lower one out and letting to go make a little noise when it hit the front of his teeth.

"Your lips are pretty." 

"A-are they?"

"Mhm... I'm going to go back to sleep now, can you keep hugging me?"

"Yeah, of c-course."

Beomgyu woke up the next morning with arms loosely wrapped around his middle. He knew how who it was, as it was had happened before but he didn't recall them getting there. He knew they talked last night and he had accidentally tried to flirt with him in a child-like daze, asking him to stay. But when had woke up and how they got there, was not to his knowledge. 

As best as the boy could without waking up Taehyun, he turned around within his arms so he faced him. He had a sleeping pout and messy hair, and his collar bone was showing from how his grey sleeping shirt that was falling of his shoulder.

Beomyun gently lifted the material and moved it over the bone, knowing how modest he was. Sunlight pooled through the window and lit up his entire face. His eyebrows flinched and he moved a hand up to cover his eyes with a tiny groan, eyes then fluttering open. 

"Hi, Taetae."

"...heyy. Are you feeling okay?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

Taehyun frowned and rubbed the crystal on the necklace he gave him, which Beomgyu had just noticed.

"You were just having some bad dreams, do you not remember?"

"No..."

"How bout everything else like how yo-"

"Like how I called your lips pretty? Yeah."

Taehyun blushed and covered his face with his hands.

"I meant it. The cutest in camp thing too, so don't compare yourself to Soobin anymore."

"I wasn't"

"Are you sure? You brought him up though."

"It was just the first name that came to mind."

"And it wasn't because I was kissing him? Because I can stop doing that if you want."

"No, no, no don't stop doing that. I don't even have a reason for you to have to stop because of me in the first place."

"Really? Cause I'll end it at the drop of your word."

"Yes. You're just having fun, no need to stop. It makes you happy."

"Okay.."

45 days left


	17. Day 16

“I dare you to kiss Taehyun.”

The blonde whipped his head towards Yeonjun and hit his arm, laughing and oo’s left everyone's mouths around the fire. 

“Sorry Hyung, but Tae hasn’t kissed anyone yet and he thinks first kisses are important. He should wait to have someone he likes to kiss him.”

“But it’s a dare, you can’t chicken out on a dare!”

“Gyu it’s fine, you can kiss me.”

“You sure? I don’t want to make you uncomfortable because of a silly game. We can just shove Yeonjun in the lake instead.” 

“Hey!”

They often played truth or dare, nearly every night. But each night the dares and truths would get bolder, more dangerous, or just straight up gross. And the truths would get more and more personal. But if you denied doing your task you had to do something most likely worse as a penalty. 

“Yeah, it’s fine.”

“See! Now smooch the boy!” Exclaimed Yeonjun who was clinging on Soobin in excitement, Kai laughing on the side of them. 

“Okay, tell me if you change your mind?”

Taehyun nervously nodded, turning his body towards him. And the three others began to cheer and squeal like fanboys at a concert. 

How does one even mentally prepare themselves to kiss someone? Or for their first kiss? Or kiss someone they like? Taehyun didn’t know. And his hands felt clammy and he started to feel cold as Beomgyu hushed their friends and stood above him while he sat on a tree stump that was placed around their fire pit. The cold tips of his fingers met the side of his neck lightly rubbing his earlobe, and his fluffy jacket sleeve forced his face to look at him by his jaw. 

“Hi, Taehyun.” 

“H-hey Gyu.”

Beomgyu stifled a laugh at the small stutter, finding it heartwarming and cute. 

“How long does it have to be Hyung?” He asked, rotating his head at him but never breaking eye contact with the shiny eyes of Taehyun. 

“At LEAST thirty seconds.” 

“Ooh, and be careful he bites Hyun!”

“He what?!?”

“Hehehe you’ll find out,” Soobin smirked while giggling and whispered something into the ears of the other, making them laugh and clap in excitement.

“Alright, I’m gonna do it now, are you still okay with this?”

“Yes, Hyungie.”

Hyungie. The phrase made heat run across Beomgyu’s veins and he tried to not squeeze the side of the other’s neck as an instinct. At moments like these he was reminded of how alluring and etheral he thought Taehyun was. He was so cute both in personality and in looks that it made him want to hug him so tightly that he’d break, not purposely though. His eyes were wide and shimmery, and he saw the night sky and outlines of camp tries in them, they cried for attention and he refused to deny. 

Taehyun’s hands trembled, he couldn’t stop looking at him no matter how flustered and nervous he currently felt. He licked his lips and swallowed at how dry his vocal cords were becoming. The tembling stopped, or at least tones done when he latched onto the bottom of the older’s jacket from the bottom like he was trying to tug it down. Beomgyu was so close, and he loved how he looked being so far above him. His legs stood between the space of his that was slightly opened, and his arms leading to the hands that held his face in place to keep him looking up were resting and folding on his shoulders between them, smooshed by his lower torso. Taehyun’s face was directed lined up with what was probably the bottom of his ribcage.

Beomgyu couldn’t get over how adorable he looked. This was all for a game, but he looked so serious and almost zoned out on him. He pushed back a laugh and leaned down to connect their lips in a soft touch.

Both their eyes fell closed and hoots and hollers filled the outside of the cabin. Beomgyu no longer felt like laughing. For someone who was so inexperienced and innocent, Taehyun could kiss well and it was obvious despite the few seconds they’d been doing it. He knocked the air out his body the very moment they touched, his lips were soft and smooth, and his mouth moved perfectly against his. Beomgyu felt something take over him and he stepped forward to be closer to him, making his chin brush his chest, every time they moved the younger would let out a quiet airy breath and it makes him want to never stop hearing it.

Taehyun gasped, feeling teeth lightly sink against his bottom lip and a tongue enter his mouth. It made everything so much more intimate and warmer. His heart was thudding against the walls of his chest so hard that he could physically feel it and he moved his hands up and cupped the small dip in Beomgyu’s waist underneath his rips, he heard giggles and shushes following the sounds of leaves being crunched under shoes and broke the kiss, looking behind him to see the three others running away into the cabin, very poorly trying to be sneaky and unnoticed. He only got to witness it for a mere second as Beomgyu sharply turned his head back and made them kiss again, letting another gasp leave him just to get cut off. Taehyun was shocked and his hands flung to the outer forearms of the brunette. His neck began to hurt at the angle it was bent at to meet his affection. 

“Beomg-“ he tried as they turned heads. 

It was like he knew what he wanted and he broke their touch to sink onto his knees, wincing at his injury and brace pressing uncomfortably against him, but ignoring the pain to tug Taehyun back towards him desperately. 

The blonde smiled and set his palms against the shoulders now below him, hand toying with the bottom of his hair. 

A loud crack of a stick by the cabin sent them flying apart, breath heavy and lips irritated and red. Beomgyu was fond with his butt on the ground and legs folded awkwardly lying in front of him, Taehyun twirled his torso around and rubbed at his wet lips, eyes filled with comply panic.

“Who's there?!”

“The Jesus police.” Joked a voice.

Sighs of relief came out of them both and their bodies visibly relaxed, Jungkook laughing hysterically as he came forward. They had almost thought that they were going to be found in a very none-camp friendly scene by a director or camper that would rat them out, causing them to be separated just like Taehyung and Jungkook had been due to Yeonjun’s stupid past actions. 

“Sorry, if I knew you two were about to make a baby in the middle of a Christian camp, I would have come later.”

“I-its fine.”

“When did you two start this? Are you dating?”

“Ummm no. It was a dare.”

The YCL’s eyebrows raised and he put his hands on his hips, making a weird comedic face as he looked around the area. He honestly didn't believe it one bit. 

“I don’t see any other people though... did you just dare yourself?”

“No, Yeonjun did.. they must have gone back in.”

“They did, I saw them.”

“You didn’t say anything?”

“I tried to, but you were too busy trying to bite my lip off!”

“You’re crazy good at kissing, I’m sorry but a man got to do what a man got to do.”

Taehyun snarled and stuck his tongue out at him. Beomgyu sending the same back and they made fake angry faces at each other.

“Are y’all okay?”

“Shut up we are having a moment.”

“Wha-“

Beomgyu flung forward off his butt and sat on his knees again with a handout. Taehyun mirrored it and they started to aggressively play rock, paper, scissors. An inside joke they had recently developed.

“Ha!” Shouted Beomgyu as he slammed a flat hand over Taehyun’s fist. “I won.”

“I won the last three times though!”

“But that was earlier!”

“But you still suck!”

“You two were literally just eating each other's faces what the fuck?”

They slowly put their hands down and blushed heavily. They weren’t in the state that they were when Beomgyu had tugged at his lips with his teeth anymore. Their heartbeats had settled and the fog and adrenaline of Taehyun’s first kiss had cleared.

“Sorry I took it a bit far didn’t I?”

“Yeah, I little...” 

Beomgyu recalled their conversation about kissing from days back when he said he might be asexual. He felt bad because he pushed Taehyun to continue and kiss him even after he broke it without even thinking of what it could cause in him or between their friendship.

“Can we just forget about it?”

Taehyun was disappointed, to say the least. He just lost his first kiss to his friend that he liked quite a bit, and he seemed really into it. But after all, he said himself that kissing didn’t mean that much and that it was simply “lips on lips”. He told him that he didn’t like Soobin and that they just enjoyed kissing each other in secret a lot. Before tonight he had wished to be Soobin’s place in being the one that got to kiss him. But it was now present that it hurt him worse than just being the person who watched. 

“Yes, please.”

Please. He said please. Beomgyu felt terrible. He must have really not liked it at all. 

“Hyung can we go to your cabin for a little bit?” He asked, trying to forget his (very unnecessary and stupid) guilt. 

“That’s actually why I came here, Taehyung snuck in and we are playing “how many shots till Hoseok and Jin pass out” again. He thought you’d like to join?”

“Oh yeah, that’s always fun, sure.”

“Okay, how bout you Tae?”

“Mhm.”

When inviting the younger boys he didn’t know that it would end up in the blonde joining in partaking in the underage drinking that was so common at the youth leader cabin. Beomgyu had said he was Buddhist, and he knew that the majority of people who practiced the religion didn’t engage in that kind of stuff. But of course, he had seen the look of hurt dripping down his face when Beomgyu had asked him if they could forget them kissing, so he watched over him the entire time and pushed his hair out of his face when he began to throw up outside the cabin.

“You know you shouldn’t use alcohol to try and forget your problems, right?”

“I don’t have problems.” he slurred

“I’m pretty sure unrequited love is a pretty big problem.”

“.....please don’t tell Gyu.”

“I won’t, just be careful. You’re smart and you shouldn’t be putting this shit in your body.”

“I know. I will. I’m not going to do it again, it tastes way worse coming back up.”

“That’s what I’m saying.”

Taehyun reminded him of himself two years ago. And it worried him. 

44 days left


	18. Day 17

Beomgyu and Taehyun couldn't stop staring at each other's lips the entirety of the time after they kissed. They both long to do it again but they had convinced themselves that it's not what the other wanted.

Beomgyu stood with his back against the wall of the empty art building kissing Soobin, the usual euphoria he got from this wasn't there, he found his mind drifting off and trying to imagine Taehyun, but it kept getting ruined by how tall Soobin was and how different his lips felt. And they just didn't act the same. The more the two kissed the more confident Soobin would feel and the more he would try and assert himself over him, which made him feel almost uneasy. He would much rather him being against the wall than himself, but Soobin's hands kept him in place. 

He thought back to yesterday when Taehyun let him control the pace of how they kiss, and how he let him move his head around with his hands in any direction he pleased. Lately, Soobin had been doing the exact opposite and he craved what Taehyun had given him at the fire pit last night. 

Soobin's hands were large against his stomach, and it crashed his imagination again, Taehyun's hands were small and cute. He sighed into the kiss and gave into his Hyung trying to be dominant, he put his around his neck and felt him smile. He never put someone like him being as dominant, but then again he also didn't think he'd be kissing him. Every time he tried to change the pace he'd avert it back. 

"Hyung, I have a headache, can we go back to the cabin?"

"Sure. Are you forgetting things again?"

"No. Just a normal ache this time." 

"Okay, c'mon baby," Soobin spoke, grading his arm pulling him onto the dirt road.

Baby. Beomgyu didn't like that word when it came out of his mouth. It made him feel little and small, even a little weak. And he was painfully aware of how Soobin towered over him by a few inches as they walked in silence down the path to their Cabin.

They never made it through. As the camp speakers rang and a woman's voice-directed all the upper levels to the stone pit.

"We have an announcement to make." Spoke the same voice when they met up with their friends at the destination.

Taehyun stared at Beomgyu, his lips were wet and red, and so were Soobin's. He remembers how he had been the one to make that happened the night before, and the jealousy he had been regularly feeling tripled. 

"In a few weeks, you will all be going on a trip outside of camp for a few days!! We just have to notify your parents and get their consent, or else you will stay behind and hang out some of the under levels."

The boy tuned out the words, he could only register how close Soobin ear to his crush. It angered him slightly, he felt possessive annoyance raise in him, so he rolled his eyes and nudged his body closer to him and held onto his arm. He met Beomgyu's gaze and he smiled. Mission accomplished, Soobin watched the entire thing and the award shuffled an inch or two away. Taehyun felt victorious as put his head on the older's shoulder. 

He believed himself to be a decent person, but seeing the way Soobin reacted to his movement made him feel powerful like a mean girl in a cheesy high school movie.

"Hyung you got something right there." He spoke, seeing the tall boy in his side vision, watching them.

Taehyun's held part of Beomgyu's face and rubbed a thumb across his bottom lip, making sure to make it seem flirtatious and a little too long to just be getting something off them. When he was done he looked him in the eyes, then down at his lips, and turn back to his spot on his shoulder, tangling their feet together, not caring that they were surrounded by their whole level. 

Beomgyu put a hand to the spot the other had touched him and blushed. He didn't know he could act that way and it excited him a little too much. And when he crossed his leg over his, with a hand on his upper thigh, he panicked, he felt too much from such tiny actions and he desperately needed to breathe and not let the not so innocent Taehyun notice.

"I-i have to go to the bathroom." he rushed the second the woman given the announcement stopped speaking. 

"ok, let's go then.'

He widened his eyes and grabbed the nearest person to him, who happened to be Kai.

"Actually he already said he'd go with me."

"I did?

"yep! now let's go."

"i-"

Kai's body was pulled forward and forced to quickly walk out the pit and to the bathrooms.

"Hyung what was that?"

Beomgyu was splashing his face with cold water from the sink and trying to get any bad thoughts about his friend out of his head. He had been stressing all day as he's been so sensitive to Taehyun's touch and it's driving him mad. He couldn't stop thinking about kissing him or how pretty and small he was. 

"I think I am gayer than I thought."

"Uuuuuuuuuuh? Care to elaborate?"

"I think I'll get sent home for very unholy things if Taehyun even looks at me again today."

"Are you saying you took me all the way up here because Taehyun's s made your hormones out of wack?"

"Yes! I don't know it's like he hypnotized me with his kiss last night. I can't think straight! And he was all up on me. Which he usually is, but it was very very sus this time!"

"...Maybe you like him?"

"No, no, no. He's straight or asexual and either one, but both mean he would not appreciate what me liking him would do."

"Straight? Ace? What? Are you sure?"

"Yes- I mentioned him liking girls once and he never corrected me. And he said he might he ace when I asked."

"Asexual people can still date thought right? Like they have romantic feelings, some of them do. And maybe he didn't correct you cause he's bi?"

"He said the idea of dating is weird though so he's most likely not one of them."

"How about you ask him?"

"I can't even look at him right now without wanting to bite his neck off!"

"Then you should try and direct your hormones onto someone else. Like Soobin maybe, you basically already do that."

"I'm not attracted to him like that though."

"Your gay, shouldn't you be?"

"Hyuk I'm not attracted to every male that I meet, I have a type."

"....what's your type then."

"Well different? Like doesn't follow the crowd. Sweet but sassy. Able to tell me when I'm being a dick. Pretty and cute. Cuddly. Friendly. People with dyed or bleached hair get my attention a lot too."

"So Taehyun?"

"Dude!"

"What? It's not like I'm wrong!"

"I don't like him."

"Mhm. How do you feel about him then?"

"I dunno. He's just really pretty and caring and I just wanna protect him and be a better person when he's around. And god his lips... I'd go to hell for the thoughts I have about them. And he makes me feel at home ya know?"

"So you like him."

"I don't!"

"News flash dory! Friends don't fantasize about each other's lips."

"He's just attractive okay! That doesn't mean I like him."

It doesn't. At least not in his book. But it was kind of weird how his entire mouth went dry seeing Taehyun's Adam's apple bobbing up and down as he drank orange juice at the dinner table.

"Stop staring, you don't like him remember." Teased Kai.

"Shut it!"

Soobin heard it and raised an eyebrow. He was starting to form a theory about what was going on with the boys in his cabin and he was honestly still quite confused, despite how obvious it seemed. He tugged the sleeve of Yeonjun, who was talking to Lea and called his name.

"Hm?"

"Do you notice anything weird between them?"

The cupid inside Yeonjun finally figures out how he was going to accomplish the master plan of getting the boys together and stopping Soobin and Beomgyu from kissing.

"Yeah, they like each other."

"Really? Did they tell you?"

"Taehyun did. And Beomgyu is just obvious, look at him."

Soobin saw the boy's eyes light up every time the blonde spoke and how badly he was blushing early before he ran off with Kai to the bathrooms.

"Why haven't they told each other?"

Soobin scoffed and laughed, knowing it was working perfectly.

"Bin, Gyu has been kissing you for like a week now, you really think Taehyun is gonna want to confess while he's doing that?"

Soobin gasped and nodded in realization.

"Right! I'll stop then, and we got to get them together!"

"Yes, of course, we can hang out later and talk in private about it okay?"

"Okay Hyung!" 

A sly smirk was on the eldest face, poking at the food he wasn't eating, pushing it around and cutting it up to make it seem like he had taken parts of it. He felt good, Beomgyu and Soobin weren't going to kiss anymore, And Soobin was in on his cupid plan so he'd get to be alone with him more often. The camp was more fun when it was one on one with the boy.

The slightly upward corners of his lips however did fall when he caught Soobin staring at Kai, softly smiling at him like he was precious.

He stood up and dumped the rest of his food in the trash. He didn't feel like even trying to look like he was eating it anymore. He had a terrible relationship with food on and off since freshman year, but it had gotten dramatically worse since a few days ago when his Dad called him to tell him of the wedding. 

"You didn't finish your food, why did you throw it away?"

"Just wasn't hungry."

"You could have given it to me then." Pouted Lea.

"Sorry L, I would have if I thought about it."

"It's okay Junnie!" She said, trying to be cute. 

Yeonjun pretended to coo at her action, but it just wasn't the same as when Soobin would call him that. But it's easy to say that he liked it better when she did it. 

He was spiralling.

43 days left.


	19. Day 18

"Sometimes I check out from reality. And I can't get out of it for hours or days, and sometimes it lasts for weeks at a time if I feel bad enough. Then I can't remember what happened after I get out of it."

"What does this checking out from reality feel like?"

"Like you are watching everyone around you be happy and can't seem to connect because nothing seems real."

"hmm okay, have you experienced any trauma?'

"Like what?

"Like abuse, death of a loved one, moving around a lot as a kid, accidents, war, and so on."

"oh... I was in an accident with my parents and they both died."

"Do you think this relates to why you have these reality checkouts?

"um, I don't know."

"Did you get them before the accident?"

"No..."

Beomgyu watched as the psychologist/therapist wrote stuff down on a paper through the screen of Taehyun's laptop who had set up the appointment as he was worried about his zoning out sessions that would lead him to forget things. 

"Are you sure it's cause of your injury? You usually only forget stuff that happens when you are out of it." He heard him say after he had to yet again pulled him out of being hypnotized by the apple on the lunch table.

He was almost certain that it was just the injury and nothing else, but Taehyun had insisted that he'd have a zoom meeting with his Mom who was better equipped to handle those types of things, as it was her job. And the older only agreed because it would be free.

"Well from your medical files and what you and Taehyun have told me, I think he was right. Your head injury has nothing to do with your memory loss, you just have dissociative amnesia from the trauma that came with your accident and parents dying. I suggest either you ask your grandparents to start paying for a therapist who is used to working with clients who have PTSD, or you schedule another meeting with me. Of course, the next meeting will cost you, but it won't be as expensive since you are Taehyun's friend. The amnesia only gets worse if it goes untreated."

"O-okay, thank you."

The zoom meeting soon ended and he shut the laptop. He felt another "reality checkout" coming on at what he was told and every breath he took felt heavy and forced.

Every time he had forgotten something it was his fault, not his head's like he had thought. He was just so messed up mentally that he dropped things out of his mind to cope. It had been so much easy to accept when he could just pin it on a car accident

He always deserpartly tried to control things and his memory and sexuality were the only two things that he didn't have any control over. But now he had even less, he couldn't control his thoughts despite them making him forgot important things like his sixteenth birthday, and he couldn't control how Taehyun made him feel either. 

He felt angry. He wanted to punch something or someone so hard that he'd blackout and forget himself instead of everyone around him. He could feel irritation running across the underparts of his tan skin and he launched a hand at the frame of the bed, then another one, then a few more until a figure held him back, locking his arms behind him. He felt even more out of control, he couldn't move and it was just like when he was stuck in the back seat of his car looking at the lifeless faces of his parents. He thrashed around and swung his limbs in every which direction. 

"Beomgyu stop it, it's me!"

He didn't, he just yanked himself out of the grip and he felt his hand connect with the face of the person, erupting a pained cry from out them. The restraint from around him loosened and he rolled out of the bunk, panting in fear. Every inch of him wanted to look around for his mom and dad but he knew it was no use no matter how badly his brain was trying to tell him that he was still in the aftermath of the crash. 

He looked around, chest falling and rising fast, sweat forming against his brow-bone, body shaking. He met the look of a blonde boy cradling the side of his face, in what was confusion and ultimate shock. He looked both offended and hurt. Beomgyu's air evened out and his thoughts broke into only him at the sight.

"Tae."

He carefully walked back towards him and he flinched. Hurt and guilt caged him in and he wished he could have taken back every action he just made. 

He walked even slower, as to try and get him to realize he was no longer freaking out, and he gently took his hand off his face. A tiny bruise and scratch were at the very top of his cheekbone and almost the corner of his eye. He shut his eyes briefly and cringed at the guilty self-hatred-filled words that clogged his skull. 

"I'm sorry." He shook out, carefully pulling Taehyun's head against his chest and hugging him. 

"It's okay."

His words were muffled against his shirt, but he could still hear the hurt within them.

"No, it's not. I- I hurt you."

"You didn't mean it. You were out of it again."

"But I'm always out of it. If I could just-"

"Stop it. Do not blame yourself for this."

"But I-"

"My mom texted me. I know what she told you. It isn't your fault. You physically can't comprehend what you are doing sometimes and it's okay. If you blame yourself for it then it will make you stressed and you'll just have another checkout." 

Taehyun pushed himself out of his grip and placed his hands on his chest. 

"It's okay." He repeated.

Beomgyu nodded, eyes turned downwards, swallowing hard before leaning down and kissing the bruise for a few seconds. 

Taehyun sighed in content at the action. It made him feel peaceful, his lips were cold and somewhat chapped, just like the rest of his body was, but he could still feel every intention behind them. He wanted to move them onto his lips but after all, the two of them weren't like that.

Beomgyu curved his hands irritated hands around the back of the other's head and looked him in the eyes seriously.

"Next time you hit me back, okay?"

"Okay, Beomie."

"Okay, prince."

The nickname sent chills and tingles from the top of Taehyun's head, all the way down the soles of his feet and the tips of his toes.

"What did you just call me?"

"Prince?"

He felt hot heat go to his neck and up to his jaw in the face and he heard chuckles above him.

"You like that name huh?"

Yes, Taehyun was dizzy at it. The simple word made his mind foggy and his belly fill with imaginary butterflies. Beomgyu looked so pretty when he called him that.

"U-huh." He said dumbly, staring at the older with such obvious eyes.

"Well then, you are a very cute prince then darling." 

Thumbs rubbed his jaw and he leaned into the touch. They lifted his face and he got instant flashbacks to the dare that made them kiss. They were placed the same way. Taehyun was sitting with his legs slightly apart, Beomgyu between them holding his face, making him look up at him as he stood above him. He tried to ignore him rushing a little look at his lips but he shook his head and stood up. Beomgyu only kisses people for fun, not because he likes them. 

Taehyun's mind still was filled with how "prince" and "darling" sounded with Beomgyu's low voice, but he distracted it by grabbing his arm and taking him out of the cabin. 

Today's activity involved swimming and that was something the older wasn't allowed to do with his knee, so they had both stayed back. Which meant they could technology to do whatever they wanted. 

"Where are we going?"

"To see Jimin."

"Oh, okay. Why are we doing that prince?"

Taehyun shuttered and almost glitched in his steps. It sounded way too flirty, making him smile in a fluster.

"S-stop that. They said they wanted to watch Phineas and Ferb together when you got off zoom."

"Stop what prince?"

"Choi Beomgyu!"

"What?"

The blonde tried to hide the smile but failed when Beomgyu walked in front of him with a msychveious grin. 

"Bud, what do you want me to stop?"

"I- g-gyu, stop teasing"

Taehyun felt his feet moved backwards underneath him as he began to be pushed back. He felt small and shocked as Beomgyu walked him against the wall of a camp sign. His face was so close and a hand was above him against the sign. He face was so close that he could feel his breath against his mouth. 

"So my prince doesn't like it then?"

Beomgyu could see him looking at his lips and the embarrassed but dazing expression he had. He laughed at how he stayed silent and pushed his hand off the sign and down to his waist. But before he could complete it he was turned around and he was now in the very position that Taehyun had been. 

The 'my' that had been added to the phrase really pushed him to the edge and he was reading to burst at any second. 

"Call me that one more time and I'll-"

"You'll what? Kiss me?"

Taehyun's jaw dropped at the confidence pouring out of him. He tried to build up every last bit of willpower he had to not say yes, because the last time he did the other had asked to forget it happened, leading him to drink until he threw up.

"You wish." he scoffed.

"How'd you know?" Beomgyu said, leaning forward and leaving a peck against the skin of his cheek and winking before pushing himself off the sign. Leaving the other confused.

"W-"

"Can't keep Jimin waiting!"

Taehyun spun around and the boy's entire vibe was different. He couldn't figure him out.

He sat with his face scrunched up in thought as his head rested on Jimin's shoulder when they reached the cabin. The two were watching the children's cartoon that they had wanted to watch with them on their phone and he couldn't pay attention.

Did he really mean that? Beomgyu was always a tease, to everyone. He started off very quiet, but the more he started to talk the more he'd flirt with everyone. He was probably just messing with him.

Jimin sat up and went to get the bag of popcorn out of the microwave in the leader's cabin, their fading pink hair bouncing. 

"Stop thinking so much."

"Huh?"

"I can practically hear your thoughts."

"Sorry, I'm just sorting things out."

Beomgyu turned over on his laying position.

"About what prince?"

"...you mostly."

42 days left


	20. Day 19

“... you mostly”

“What, why?”

“I dunno, you are just confusing I guess.”

“How?”

“You call me all these cute things and you let me hold your hand cuddle you. But then you’ll stop and pretend it’s all a joke and I can’t tell what any of it means.”

“Oh...”

“Yea.”

——-

Beomgyu skipped lunch with Yeonjun to watch the ceiling of their cabin in thought the day after their conversation.

“What do you think he meant?”

Yeonjun groaned for the hundredth time talking to him.

“I think you are a confusing person.”

“What?”

“Dude, if you treated me the way you treat him... I’d be “sorting some things out” in my head too.”

“I don’t treat you like him though.”

“Exactly! You treat him like you are dating, it’s probably messing with his head!”

“I don’t mean to do that.”

“Then what do you mean to do Beomgyu? News flash, Taehyun likes you... like a lot. And you are kind of playing with him if what you say about not liking him back is true.”

“He likes me?”

“Yes.”

“How do you know?”

“He told me after I yelled at you for kissing Soobin. He was super jealous.”

“Oh.... and you’re sure?”

“One hundred percent.”

Beomgyu frowned. He didn’t know that. His whole perception of Taehyun was now screwed. He thought he didn’t like boys. Wrong. He thought he didn’t even like to date. Wrong. And he thought that he was just flirting back for fun. Also wrong.

“Well, what do I do then?”

“Talk to him. You guys are terrible at communicating from what I can tell.”

He nodded and folded his hands on his stomach. He was laying down on Soobin’s bunk and Yeonjun was sitting on the edge of it messing with a guitar. 

“By the way, why did you want to skip lunch with me?”

He shrugged and strummed the instrument. 

“Just didn’t feel like going.” 

Beomgyu let out an “ah” and listened to the music coming out of the guitar and now Yeonjun’s mouth. He was really good. He had never heard him actually play before but he heard him sing a few times. He lived up to his expectations, to say the least. His mind drifted back to Taehyun at the lyrics of the song. They talked about wanted to protect someone who was insecure about themselves. He recalled how emotional Taehyun had gotten on a few occasions over his looks. It made him feel almost emotional.

“What song is that?”

“Oh, it’s an original.”

“What?! Are you serious? That is so good!”

“Yes. Thank you!”

“What inspired it?”

“Um, Soobin actually.”

“Wait really?”

“Yeah, he kind of opened up to me about some stuff a while back and I wanted to make him feel better. I still haven’t shown it to him yet though.”

“You should!”

“I’m kind of nervous too.”

“Why?”

“He just makes me nervous I guess?”

“You? Nervous?”

“Yea.”

Beomgyu was surprised. Yeonjun was always so cocky and confident and it shocked him to hear that the kind and gentle person that was Soobin could change that. 

But he started to realize how true it was at lessons when Soobin had put his hand over his shoulders and he began to fidget with his hands and bit his lip with nerves. He kept sneaking looks at him and Beomgyu felt a realization come upon him.

“Do you think Yeonjun likes Soobin?” He asked, pulling Taehyun to the side when they were walking back from lessons,

“Huh? He’s straight of course not.”

“I- yes- I know but like, look at him!”

Beomgyu’s finger pointed at the male watching the other carefully as he spoke happily to him and kai, giggling when he said something that was even funny.

“Ok yeah, that is kind of weird. But I wouldn’t try and assume anything.”

“Alright.”

Taehyun slipped his hand into his and swung their arms as they walked. He kicked rocks in the path and picked up a stick to drag behind him, forming a line wherever they walked them. He was so pure and childlike sometimes and it made Beomgyu smile. His shoes swivelled against the ground and he stopped to pick up a different stick, replacing it. This one was swirly and twisted and looked like a giant wand. He squeezed his hand and continued walking, but Beomgyu stopped him again by pulling his arm. 

“You three keep going, I’m going to talk to Tae for a little okay?”

“Okay!”

Taehyun turned his body to him, still holding his hand and presented a curious expression. 

“Why do you need to talk to me?”

Beomgyu sighed and took his other hand, pulling him to be directlt in front of him so they were face to face. 

“You like me don’t you?”

“Yeah, you are like my best friend.”

“You know what I mean,” Beomgyu mumbled, forcing himself to look at the other’s eyes to show he was completely serious.

Taehyun let go of his hands awkwardly and put them into his sweatshirt pockets.

“I mean m-maybe. I guess?” 

“You guess?”

“Y-yeah I mean, like I’ve never liked someone before and I’m still kind of trying to figure out what it means, but I know I like you more than the normal friend does..... is that okay?”

“It’s okay.”

Taehyun breathed out a shaking breath and turned back around in embarrassment, walking off but Beomgyu’s hand gripped his hood and pull him back.

“Why do you like me?”

“U-um can we go back to the cabin?” 

“No. We need to talk everything out.”

“O-okay.”

“When did it start?”

“The day you started kissing Soobin...”

“Did that make you feel bad?”

“I snuck out and slept with Jimin because I started crying.”

“You cried?”

“Yea...”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because you don’t like me back, and you were kissing another guy, what else was I suppose to do?”

“Tell me you didn’t like me kissing? Come to me for comfort and talk to me about it?”

“Beomgyu I shouldn’t have a say in who you get to kiss, that’s your decision, not mine.”

“I value your opinion though.”

“That’s okay, but we are just friends and you shouldn’t let it stop you from doing things. I wouldn’t exactly like you kissing anyone, to be honest.”

“But you liked it when I kissed you?”

“Yeah, I thought that was obvious.”

“It wasn’t.”

“How?”

“Well, you said you thought you might be asexual so I thought I was pushing you.”

“Well, I did think that- but then stuff happened between us and I realized it probably wasn’t true.”

“What stuff?”

“U-um the lake incident? Or the hair-pulling thing...”

They hadn’t even spoken about those things after they happened or the kiss. And it was like they had walked into uncharted territory and they felt somewhat lost and afraid. 

“I thought you felt uncomfortable then.”

“No, I liked it.”

Beomgyu pulled him closer with his hands on his waist.

“So your okay with this kind of thing?”

“Y-yes.”

Taehyun felt anxious and embarrassed by the whole conversation, so he leaned forward and hid his face in Beomgyu’s neck.

“This is embarrassing Gyu.”

“No, it’s not. I’m okay with you liking me.”

“But if you don’t like me back so it makes it weird.”

“Why wouldn’t I like you back?”

“Y-you never said you did. And I was born a gi-“

“Hey! You are still a guy! Don’t you dare continue that sentence.”

“But it’s true! You still don’t like me so it must be-“

Beomgyu rolled his eyes and lifted his head, holding the sides with both his hands.

“I never said that.”

“But you don’t-“

Beomgyu huffed and abruptly cut off his words and pecked his lips.

“I. Never. Said. That.”

“w-what why did you d-do that?”

“Because I might like you back and you are being stupid.”

“Might?”

“Yeah. I don’t know if I like you, but I think I’ve had like 500 dreams about kissing you and taking you on dates over the past week and it’s driving me crazy.” 

“So that means?”

“I want to figure it out if that’s okay?”

“S-sure it’s okay.”

“Okay.”

Beomgyu smiled and went to kiss him against but Taehyun put a hand over his lips. 

“Don’t.”

“What why not?”

“I don’t want you kissing me unless you know for sure you like me. I don’t want to be another Soobin to you.”

“Alright, that’s fine. Anything else?”

“U-um I don’t think so, but I’ll let you know?”

“Ok, let’s go back then.”

“Okay.”

Taehyun couldn’t help but wonder if Beomgyu had said all those things because he felt bad for him and just didn’t want to hurt his feelings. Or if he was just playing him. Or maybe he was trying to convince himself to like him back so he could have another person to kiss. Insecurity crept upon him again and he felt stupid and pathetic. He decided he didn’t like romance all that much because it was too complicated and painful. He stared at the other’s hand covered by his grey jacket, wanting to hold it. But the casual gesture now felt weird that he knew that he liked him. Everything he did now felt like his mind was yelling at him that Beomgyu wouldn’t like what he was doing or would think he was being clingy or weird. 

“You can hold it ya know? You don’t have to stare.”

Taehyun cringed and averted his eyes and stepping a little further away from him, making Beomgyu sigh, pulling him back by his hand and keeping it there. 

“You’re okay. You liking me shouldn’t change anything.”

“O-okay.”

At night, Beomgyu was by the fire pit drawing a series of sketches with dialogue across his notepad. He wanted to have a record of what happened in case he forgot it. He wrote notes for himself and tried to draw everything he could remember.

In the very center of the page was a cute cartoon version of Taehyun with little lines on his cheeks to show a blush, he had a speech bubble saying “I like you, more than a friend.” and he put stars and exclamation marks around it. Underneath it read “You asked Taehyun if he liked you and he said yes, you are going to figure out if you like him back but you can’t kiss him yet!!! Don’t forget!!” 

He didn’t want to forget anymore of Taehyun that he already had. He was determined this time. 

41 days left.


	21. Day 20

The cheap camp arrow flung forward, completely missing its target as Taehyun couldn't focus with how Beomgyu’s hands were on his hip and arm.

"You literally have gotten worse since I started helping."

A small and short girl in their level set down her bow and trotted over to the pair. 

"You are supposed to hold it like this." She said, guided Taehyun's hands around. 

He tried again, this time the Arrow hit near the middle of the target.

"Ah thank you!"

"You're welcome, I'm Mulan."

"Like the Disney character?"

"Yes, my parents are quite the fans of the movie, so here I am."

"I see, I'm Taehyun."

"What year were you born in?"

"2001."

"I'm 2002."

"Oh cool."

"Well, Just holler for me if you need me. See you around Taehyun Oppa."

"Okay! Thank you."

Beomgyu folded his arms and pouted.

"What?"

"How come she can teach you but I can't?”

"Maybe she's better at archery than you."

"I guess... do you... think she is pretty?"

"Well I didn't really look that hard, but I guess. Why?"

"Nothin."

A smile broke out on his face and he put his bow and arrows done on the table. He cooed and pinched Beomgyu's cheek.

"Are you jealous?" He teased.

Beomgyu swatted the hand away and let out a "humph"

"No, why would I be jealous?"

"Hmmm okay, I'll be back then."

Taehyun smirked as his little plan caught up to his actions and walked over to the Girl, tapping her shoulder. Beomgyu's mouth hung open as he watched him blatantly flirt with her and ask for her number while she giggled and played with her hair. Anger and frustration built up in him and Yeonjun laughed, patting his shoulder. Taehyun put the number into his phone and pushed some of her hair behind her ear and saying a flirty goodbye, and coming back to him.

"What the hell was that?"

"Oh, just me talking to a pretty girl, not jealous are you Gyu?" 

Beomgyu scoffed and his bottom lip popped out subconsciously.

"Nope!"

"Yeah okay Hun, keep telling yourself that." He whispered knowingly, touching his pouting lip and going back to the archery activity.

Beomgyu felt like a little kid was denied of his candy and he huffed, turning away and nearly stomping to Soobin.

"Oh hey Hyung, what up?"

"Hmph," he whined, plopped down on the ground beside him, hugging his leg.

"Uuuuhh, what are you doing?"

"Hugging a tree for comfort?”

"Did you just call me to leg a tree?"

"Yes."

"Psh, okay."

He clung onto the older for the rest of the day, not missing the glares from Yeonjun, giving Taehyun the silent treatment like a petty teenager to his parents. 

“Gyuuuuuuuuuuuu.” Whined Taehyun shaking his shoulders on his bunk.

Beomgyu turned his head and pretended he wasn’t there, making Taehyun sigh and hold his hands. 

“Beomgyu talk to meeeeeee.” 

“Is that a ghost I hear? Maybe it’s the wind.” Joked the older, pretending like he was looking through Taehyun.

“Choi Beomgyu you ass!”

“Wow that’s some really loud wind, I hope it isn’t a storm.”

Taehyun sat up and extended his arms and legs out in an “x” shape.

“Mr. Choi, your prince requests you talk to him!”

Beomgyu tipped his head, then bent over to get his notepad off the floor, flipping through it. 

“I think I need to get my head checked out again. I am hearing some weird things.”

“Prince Taehyun demands the intellectual discussions that are the knowledge of Gyu-Gyu knight in shining armour.”

He pulled out a pencil and scooted against the wall, drawing something on the paper, making Taehyun drop his arms in defeat. He suddenly felt sad and insecure, maybe he had been annoying him this entire time and that’s why he wasn’t talking to him. He climbed up on the blunk again and sat on his knees in front of the other, pulling down the pad and looking at his face.

“I’m sorry if I annoyed you, can you just say something please?”

“....”

“Okay...” 

Taehyun started to sit up but a hand met his outer thigh pulling him back.

“You aren’t annoying.”

“Then why you are ignoring me?”

“I’m just dumb and was aggravated at the Mulan thing. I didn’t think you would believe you were annoying because of it.”

“You could have just told me that! It was meant to be a joke.”

“I think I took it too seriously then, sorry.”

“.... so you were jealous then?”

“Yes. Extremely.”

Taehyun smiled and shook his head in disbelief.

“You act like a little kid sometimes you know?”

“C’mon you know you like it.”

Taehyun felt like he was mocking his crush on him and his lips turned downwards and fidgeted on his spot on the mattress. He knew it was silly but he definitely had overthought those words to the point of no return within seconds. Beomgyu didn’t like him after all. He was just “figuring it out”. He probably already decided that he didn’t actually like-

“Tae-“ 

He cut himself off and exhaled, putting down the notepad and setting it to the side. He held out his arms and Taehyun looked at him confused.

“Come here.” He nudged, giving him grabby hands.

Taehyun didn’t feel too good, anxiety and self-doubt rubbing him the wrong way, but he complied and crawled forward, straddling him shyly, feeling the arms settle around him and rub his back.

“I didn’t mean it negatively. Stop being so insecure.”

“mm sorry, I just thought... I don’t know.”

Beomgyu could only concentrate on the anxious feeling coming off Taehyun skin, he slipped his hand up the back of his navy shirt and caressed the skin, all the way up his back and the base of his neck, shirt riding up.

Taehyun squirmed backed, dysphoria travelling with the skin-on-skin contact. Everything about Beomgyu was making him insecure in himself right now, no matter how much he was reassured. 

“Please stop.”

The brunette met Taehyun’s paling and uncomfortable face and nodded in concern and disappointment, but he understood, pulling his hands off him. 

Taehyun climbed off and sat a foot or two beside him on the wall. 

“What are you thinking about?”

The younger brought his legs up, so his knees were by his chest and he put his hands on them, poking and tracing patterns of childhood scars on his kneecaps.

“Everything?”

“Then tell me.”

“What?”

“Tell me, what everything is. I want to know what is worrying you so much.”

“You. Us. Me, mostly me. I just- I overthink too much.”

“Why overthink?”

“I’m scared of the unknown I guess? And you are really unknown.”

Beomgyu remembered the YCL that told him of having the same fear. Taehyung lately had been reminding him of Taehyun and it was really present now.

“That’s pretty common actually, but I promise the known is a lot more frightening than the unknown.”

“You see you don’t know that is true. You could secretly hate me without realizing it, or you could decide you definitely don’t like me the way I like you and you could leave me for Soobin Hyung, or you could decide you don’t want to like a trans person, or I could chicken out, or the directors cou-“

“Taehyun.”

“What?” 

The boy dramatically breathed in the air he had been missing from rambling so much and he shyly connected with the worried eyes of his crush who had recently learned of his feeling.

“I’m not going to hate you. I probably already like you, I am not even attracted to Soobin, you being trans doesn’t matter to me, and you can chicken out but I’m still going to be your friend, and fuck the directors.”

“Okay....”

Taehyun rubbed up and down his shins and nibbled on his lips, pushing himself to say what he wanted to.

“Do you think I’m ugly?”

“What? No, of course not.”

“But I look like a girl, and my eyes are weirdly shaped, and my lips are too-“

“Shut up.”

“But my hips are-“

“Kang Taehyun you are the most beautiful boy I have ever met.”

“W-what?”

“I said what I said. It’s true and you better start believing it our I’m shipping you off to North Korea.”

“Okay.”

“Can I touch you again?”

“Yea”

Beomgyu held the bottom of his knees and pulled him across the bunk so he was laying down. He stepped off the mattress and kneeled down beside it. He grabbed his hand and put a kiss against it, then he put more up his arms. He whispered compliments and praises and tried to be as gentle as he could. And he made sure he went slow in case he wanted him to stop and he kissed all across him. He lifted up his shirt and heard his breath hitch at the lips on his sensitive skin, hands met his hair and he smiled against him. 

Taehyun felt like all his senses were on high power mode and he was on cloud nine. The air felt thick and hard to inhale when his shirt rose more and Beomgyu touched his two scars on his chest, whispering “perfect” before looking up at him cupping his face. 

“Stop worrying prince.”

“I will.”

For a moment Taehyun thought that he’d kiss him, but Beomgyu knew he shouldn’t yet since he didn’t know if he like him. He hovered over him with a cute smile and traced his features instead, then pecked his forehead and stood up. 

“Alright, let head to dinner now.” 

Taehyun grasped the hand that was helping him up and leaned into him, feeling extremely connected to him again, more than before. 

As he twisted to knob of the Cabin door it was pushed open from the other side, Yeonjun jumping in surprise.

“Aren’t you guys suppose to be eating?”

“We were just going to...aren’t you?” 

“I don’t have an appetite.”

“Again? You didn’t eat anything this morning.”

“Yeah, I did.”

“No, you just poked around at your food.”

“You saw that?”

“Yes.”

“Oh.”

Taehyun rolled his eyes and held Yeonjun’s hand with his free one, connecting the three of them.

“You are eating with us.”

“What? No, I’m not.”

“Yes, Hyung. You are.”

“Fine.”

40 days left


	22. Day 21

"Hyung he is so pretty omg." Cooed Soobin

"Uh-huh"

Yeonjun would usually care that the boy was talking his ear off about his "small" crush on Kai, but he didn't feel very good today. He was tired and his head hurt, he was shaky, and he was slightly dizzy. 

"You know he wants to become a graphic designer with Lea?"

"Yeah, he told me."

Weakness spread across Yeonjun's limbs and back abs he felt like he couldn't sit up anymore, so he put himself against Soobin's mattress, breathing heavily for some reason. 

"Do you think he likes bo- are you okay?"

Soobin reached over and put a hand over the boy's pale forehead, finding it was warmer than it should be, he felt him shaking under his touch. He then pressed two fingers against his neck and realized his heart was beating fast and strong. 

"You need to go to the nurse."

"I'm fine."

"You have a fever and you look like you just saw a ghost, come on down," Soobin spoke as he hopped off the top bunk. 

"No, I just need to lay down for a little."

"Hyung please!"

"What's happening?"

"He's sick and needs to go to the medical building."

Yeonjun sprung up and waved his hands to dismiss it. A wave of dotty vision was brought to him and he could tell he was swaying at his sitting position. This had happened to him on many different occasions, but it was weird and awkward when friends were around.

The boys in the cabin exchanged worried looks and Beomgyu pulled his phone out the pocket of denim shorts, pressing buttons and putting it against his ear.

"I'll call the lady who drove to the hospital with me and Taehyun to come to pick you up in the camp truck. You two are friends right?"

"Yea... we uh.... drove here... together." Mumbled the male that Soobin was helping down the bunk ladder. 

"Did you eat something bad earlier?"

"No no, I ate... the same as... you guys."

"Were you around a sick person?"

"No"

"How about cancer?"

"Kai he doesn't have cancer!"

"You never know!"

Ysonjun strumbled off the last step of the latter and his knees momentarily buckled. 

"Woah Hyung... be careful."

Soobin's large hands were holding Yeonjun up by his lower back and side, he was grabbing tightly onto the taller's sleeves and slowly nodded. 

"Just stood up to fast, it.. is okay."

A car engine pushed past the outside of the cabin and a door shut, then a small knock against the door.

"Yeonjun, honey are you okay?"

Taehyun opened the door and it revealed the woman who had taken him and Beomgyu out to a restaurant after he displaced his knee. He greeted her and let her in. 

"Yes, I'm okay."

The lady shook her head and took him from Soobin, who looked somewhat resistant. He wanted to say something but he felt nervous, so he just let them walk out of the cabin before he surged forward out after them.

"Can I come? I'm his buddy... and I want to make sure he's okay."

"Sure, you can sit with him in the back"

He smiled and lifted himself into the black truck lined with mud and scratches. Yeonjun didn't even respond to his presence, he just sighed extremely loud and let his body fall onto his shoulder next to him limply in defeat. 

"What the-"

"Yeonjun your mom would be mad that you are doing this again."

He hummed and closed his eyes in exhaustion, limply taking the juice that was handed to him from the front by a wrinkly hand.

"I know...."

"Ma'am, what do you mean again? Jun what are you doing?"

The female looked at the two campers through her mirror and shook her head in disappointment. 

"Just make sure he drinks that Juice sweetheart, his blood sugar is low."

Despite his confusion, he listened and nudged the other. When he did not listen he took the little bottle out of his loose grip on his lap and unscrewed it, he was scared it would spill everywhere since they were driving on a dirty and rocky road, but they were almost there anyway. 

He held the plastic up to Yeonjun's lip, and he scrunched his face in displeasure, weakly pushing it away. 

"Hyung, you need it."

"Nuh-uh"

"Oh, my, Yeonjun how long has it been this bad? You always drink the juice."

"Just a few days... Mama is getting married to dad again." He whispered, turning his head away from Soobin's attempts to get him to drink, whining in annoyance into his shoulder with his eyes still closed. 

Soobin felt very left out on what was happening, he was quite confused about the back story of what was going on. 

The truck parked by the medical building and the director climbed out the front and around to the side, pulling the metal door open. She took the juice from Soobin and gently, but strictly forced Yeonjun's head up. 

"Don't want it" he complained, but her hand kept him still and sugary orange liquid hit his tongue, and he gasped at the flavour and let go of his struggle to sip it down quickly.

"See? Just juice Daniel." She chuckled and pet his hair in a motherly fashion. 

"Daniel?"

"Mhm, that what we call him back home."

"Oh- can I call you that?"

Yeonjun handed the bottle back to her and cutely nodded and clung back onto Soobin, rubbing himself against his arm. 

"Wow he must like you, he doesn't do that to many people... 

"Really? He's always like this with me."

"That's sweet, can you help him out, I don't want him to fall."

The two guided Yeonjun into the small shack belonging to the nurse, he felt a little better but he was still shaky.

"Hey, Ms. Park." Yeonjun smiled, weakly hugging her. 

"You know her?"

"She goes to my church."

The nurse cupped his tired and shaky face and tsked at the pale tone of his usual sun-kissed skin. 

"Danny I thought you go better?"

"I did... it's just... I'm sorry."

"Just don't let it get to the point that your sophomore year was again or I'm calling your mom."

"Please don't! I'll eat more I promise."

"You sure? Even some crackers?" She asked in suspicion, pulling out a packet from her desk. 

He looked hesitant, but agreed and opened the clear seal around it, popping one in his mouth reluctantly.

"H-hyungie?" 

They all look over at Soobin who had glassy eyes and a big cute pout. He had put it together finally.

"What?"

"Please don't stop yourself from eating anymore.... your not fat, you're really pretty and I really care about you. All your friends do too and they'd be sad! And beomgyu would probably break your nose."

The three softened at the pure gesture and Yeonjun felt bad. He never really felt guilty for making others worried throughout the years of this problem, but as per usual Soobin was different and changed his way of thinking again.

"Bin, I don't think I'm fat, I just... food helps me control stuff when things are stressful. But thank you."

"How are you in control if you couldn't even drink orange juice?"

"I-"

He'd never thought about it that way before. It was more of a distraction than anything. Honestly, the food thing really made him more stressed out and worried. But at least he was doing it to himself instead of someone doing it to him, or his mom not being able to pay the bills or get paid enough to go to the grocery store. After all his Mom being low on money was what started it. If she was struggling to choose between paying to keep the electrical system going or put food into his mouth. He just wouldn't eat. Simple enough. At least to his younger self's brain. 

"Please stop. My sister got really sick cause of that kind of thing and I don't wanna see you like that. You'll eat with me at lunch? Like actually eat?"

"...sure"

He actually meant it. At lunch, he shovelled spoon fulls of kimchi stew into his mouth without having to be told to keep his word. He avoided the roll and rice though. And Soobin watched with a really wide smile and patted his shoulder, completely forgetting Kai was there for one of the first times at camp, only focusing on Yeonjun.

"Have I ever told you to have really pretty eyes, Daniel?" He asked after they made eye contact for a little too long to be normal.

"N-no."

"Well, you do. They are like little fox eyes." Soobin squealed happily. 

Yeonjun forgot he was trying to force himself to eat and could only think about the compliment and attention he was being given. The stew was a lot less scary with Soobin by his side.

After meals, he felt a bit stuffed, like he had eaten too much. He missed feeling hungry and lightheaded somehow, but it didn't matter with the way Soobin was attached to his hip 

"You like Kai right?" He asked, coming back from lunch.

"Yes, obviously, look at him." 

"Yeah- you say he's cute like 24/7 I know that. But how did you know you like him? Or like boys for that matter?"

"Well, I kissed Beomgyu first of all. Then I started noticing Kai more and more and it kinda just made me come to the realization... why?"

"I think I might like a boy...."

"What?" Soobin stopped in his step and shook his head. "A week ago you were homophobic and now you like another male?"

"I know, I know, don't remind me. I'm still straight, and all that. I think, don't get me wrong." 

"How would you be straight if you like a boy?"

"First of all I said MIGHT like a boy. And second of all, you can still like someone and not let it affect your label like there are acceptations right?"

"I suppose yeah... you shouldn't have to change your entire sexuality if you like one guy within your entire life. So it makes sense.... who is it?"

"Not telling. And I still don't know though, as I could like more guys in the future, but for now, It could just be the one."

"You should find someone to kiss then. It really clears things up." Soobin laughed 

"Who?"

"Well I doubt one of the YCLs in the "sinner cabin" will agree to since you did the whole Taekook exposure thing. We need Beomgyu and Taehyun to get together. And there aren't any other boys who would kiss another boy that I know of- WAIT."

"What what? What did you think of?"

"You can just kiss me Hyung" 

39 days left


	23. Day 22

Beomgyu and Taehyun were dancing around actually kissing. And what they were doing to deal with it would probably terrify camp directors in every way possible.

They stared at each other with blown pupils at every chance they got, waiting till one of them broke. 

They’d push and pull over dominating each other, whether it a little tug of the hair on Beomgyu’s part, or a firm teasing flirt and a pull forward by the shirt on Taeyun’s

And the events following evening lessons definitely would have gotten them sent straight out of camp for good thought

They went to go shower and Taehyun had pulled off his shirt and grabbed a towel, opening the door to the stall but being tugged back and lead to the entrance of the bathrooms, Beomgyu locking the door and lifting him on the counter.

“What are you doing now Beomgyu?”

He didn't respond, just put their foreheads together and a hand on the outside of Taehyun’s legs on both sides of the tiled surface by the sinks. The blonde wrapped his legs around his hips, looking back at him through his eyelashes as something took over him. He twisted his shirt in his hand and kept him in place. 

A corner of Beomgyu’s mouth turned up and he pretended to go in to kiss him but laughed the second the other closed his eyes. He meant to tease him because he thought it was cute, but honestly, it was funny how compliment he was to break the “no kiss rule” that he had made, he swiftly shifted down to his neck and wet the skin of it with his lips. They didn’t do anything further than that, but Beomgyu did leave a purple mark on his shoulder that made Taehyun gasp in horror when the two finally separated and went to shower separately. 

“Choi Beomgyu what the shit did you do to me?”

“You liked it!” He hollered over the walls of the shower.

“You literally bit me, you vampire!”

“And you moaned my name afterwards. So I believe this conversation is over! 

“Asshole!”

“I thought I was a vampire?”

“I- be quiet!”

“I’ll bite you again human!”

“so you aRE a vampire!”

“You’ll find out sooner or later.” 

A shampoo bottle that Taehyun threw over the opening above the two showers hit Beomgyu’s head and he cried out. 

“Oh, you are going to get it you brat!” 

Taehyun jumped and in a panic brought by the door of Beomgyu’s shower flying open and he swung for his towel at him climbing under his stall door.

“Gyu what the hell!” He screamed, towel around his waist, getting wet from the shower, one hand covering his eyes.

“Bro I’m not naked I have a towel chillax

“Do not call me bro while you are literally sharing a shower with me right now!”

Beomgyu laughed with his belly and shut off the water, then pulled Taehyun to him by his waist and bit his neck.

“BEOMGYU OW WHAT THE FUCK!” 

The boy began to laugh just like the day he got caught beating up Soobin’s bullies and he told Taehyun of how Mr. Oh called him an “evil bean sprouts.”

Taehyun rubbed his neck in pain and let his hand fall from his eyes to hit him. 

“Your fault for throwing purple shampoo at me while I peacefully cleansing my beautiful face!”

“Then go back to your skincare routine in your own shower you cannable.”

“Ah but this is fun.” 

“Get out.”

“Eh.. nope.”

Beomgyu turned back on Taehyun’s water and let his towel drop, make the other shriek and cover his eyes again.

“We are absolutely not showering together right now! Get your man bits out of h-“

Taehyun froze when a soft and wet hand met his that was holding up his soaking towel, voice reaching his ear from behind sounding sweet and comforting.

“I won’t look?”

He dumbly released his death grip on the towel at the words and it fell with a plop, Beomgyu kicked it to the side and brought his cover over his eyes away, then put conditioner in his blonde hair, massaging his scalp with it. 

The two eventually got out after several minutes of hugging under the hot water and got a new towel and dried themselves off, then put new clothes on before walking into the cabin. Which was surprisingly empty.

“Where are Yeonjun and Soobinie?”

“They said they were “going out” for a bit.” Dismissed Kai.

“Oh okay.” 

Little did they know that they were sneaking off to fulfill the agreement they had made yesterday revolving around a certain boy kissing another one. 

“Hyung-ah it’s just a kiss.”

“I know, I’m just nervous.”

“Cause I’m a boy right?”

“...”

Soobin rolled his eyes and put his hands on Yeonjun’s shoulder.

“How many girls have you kissed?”

“Five or six?”

“Wow okay, well it’s the same except I have short hair and I’m tall.”

Yeonjun moved his head around, trying to ignore how Soobin would follow him with his eyes wherever he went, determine to have him look at him. He made him feel weird and he couldn’t put his tongue on what the feeling was called. He was used to Soobin being cute and passive, but the second he had pulled him across camp to the torn-down arts and crafts building so they wouldn’t get caught in what they planned to do his entire being changed. He was confident and kept trying to make the first move, Yeonjun always freaking out and dodging his lips at the last second. It’s like the two's personalities had switched. So much for Yeonjun’s reputation for being a confident flirt. 

The taller backed up a little and softened to his usual self saying “we don’t have to do this you know.... we can just head back and pretend it didn’t happen?”

“No! No, I mean... I want to.”

Soobin hummed. 

“How can we make you less nervous then?”

Yeonjun squeezed his eyes shut tight and stiffened his body like aboard. 

“Just do it, don’t tell me when just do it.”

“You are sure?”

“Yes?”

“That didn’t sound like you are sure.”

“Yes. Yes, just do it already.”

Honestly, Soobin was feeling nervous too, but he was hiding it to make his Hyung feel better. He was worried that he would he would decide he hated it mid-kiss and push him back in a fit of internalized homophobia. 

He stepped down one step on the miniature staircase to the art building. He believed that if he made himself seem less intimating in height it would be better for him. He stood up on his tip-toes and pressed a short kiss to Yeonjun’s lips, then backed up to gauge his reaction. 

The male let one eye slowly open to looking at him, his body slightly less tense and he shut it again.

“Do it again.”

Soobin put his hand so lightly onto his chest that he could barely feel the feathery sensation. He reached up again and kissed his lips, moving a little against them this time. Despite how softly he was touching him, almost to the point that he nearly wasn’t, he could feel his chest rise and fall along with a thumping heartbeat. 

It is just a kiss. Just a kiss. C’mon only a kiss.

Yeonjun’s thoughts were screaming but he felt frozen against Soobin. He felt like he was going to have a panic attack. Everything was so different and new. 

The younger eventually began to back up, thinking Yeonjun didn’t like it, but the said boy forced himself to move his hands behind his neck and trap him against his mouth, pulling him in again. Then he finally kissed back

Soobin couldn’t help but giggle and smile, he didn’t know his Hyung was that cute. His kiss was shy and unsure but it was still nice.

He moved back. 

“Are good? Was that okay? Too much?”

“N-no it was okay.., can we.... do it again?” Yeonjun spoke, whispering the last part in uncertainty. 

Soobin chucked, connected their lips again. Yeonjun shuffled forward a small amount and his arms enveloped his shoulders and neck. He felt hair against his short fingers and it made him suck in a sharp breath of air, he was definitely not used to that. He was used to girls with long flowing hair that didn’t ever put such a stronghold on his sides like Soobin currently was. The panic greeted him again and he tipped his head down, stopping this kiss. 

“Sorry.”

“Ir’s okay Hyung... do you want to stop now?”

“Yes please.”

“Alright.” 

Yeonjun felt like he was started to crash. He just kissed a boy. And he definitely likes it more than kissing girls

He cried himself to sleep that night. 

He had thrown his sleeping bag over himself and crawled deep within it, shimming to the very bottom. And rolling in a ball.

Years of hearing about how awful it was to be homosexual from members of Korean Society, or from his Mom, or people at church. When seeing kids getting bullied in the school hit him.

He knew of a boy named Holland in his freshman year who came out and started dating a junior on the Basketball team. The Junior would make fun of him behind his back and tell everyone it was a dare to date him and that he was just waiting to break his heart at the right moment. That moment came on homecoming night, the boy won homecoming king and introduced his girlfriend to everyone in front of the whole school while he was still toying with Holland. He and the other basketball players pushed him around the dance floor and poured grape-flavoured punch on his head, ruining the cute suit that his mom had made for him. Nearly everyone in the school started to bully him and push him into lockers at school. 

Holland shot himself exactly a week later. 

He was Yeonjun neighbour, so he went to the funeral and the kid’s Dad spoke of how he deserved it since he was a sinner and an abomination. 

Yeonjun didn’t want people to think of him and treat him the way that Holland had been. He was so terrified of it that he almost became the person who did the bad things to others. 

And now his worst nightmare had come true. He definitely likes Soobin. He doesn’t know what's worse, that statement or the one that talks of it being unrequited and having to watch him like Kai everyday. 

He wanted to go home and forget any of this ever happened. He was beyond stressed and in need of control.

38 days left


	24. Day 23

Seven days. Seven days that the upper levels would be travelling to the main area of Busan and attending a small festival outside of camp. The first day they'd drive about forty minutes on a rental bus and settle into their hotel rooms, and then they'd go into the city the next day. 

The five boys who shared a cabin looked around their room and Soobin and Kai ran in, fighting over who would get the bed by the window.

"Why are there only three beds?" Asked Yeonjun

"I don't know, the typical hotel room has two I think. And some Cabin's have like eight people in them, so we are lucky."

"Ah" 

Soobin and Kai were hitting each other with pillows in the background and Taehyun sat his bag next to the other bed, crawling onto it and getting his phone out mumbling "you do realize you could just share the bed right?"

Soobin had said he liked Kai, but whenever they were together they fought like little kids, and it was quiet annoying. 

"But I sleep in starfish position!"

"Then sleep on the floor and you'll have lots more room!"

Soobin swung the pillow he was holding at Kai and he plopped onto the bed with an "oomph". 

"I am older Pabo!"

"Exactly! You should let your cute younger cabin mate sleep all by himself on the bed."

"Ugh fine whatever. You're lucky I value your existence."

The older groaned and trudged to the bed closest to the wall, plopping to the floor in front of it with a pout. Beomgyu clambered into the room, walking slowly with a blank expression, sitting on the very edge of the bed that Taehyun was at and let his shoulders drop. 

He looked tired, he had a really hard time being in Busan traffic, seeing so many cars close to the bus and several honks, sirens, rubbing of car tires. At his fuzzy blue seat in the vehicle that was rented he had closed his eyes trying to block the sounds out by grabbing his seatbelt with both his hands. He pretended to be asleep and put headphones in but he still felt Taehyun trying to comfort him by rubbing his leg and massaging his shoulder, even pulling him to lean on him near the end of the ride (which was much longer than expected from traffic) He had been in a similar situation when the accident happened so it made him extremely uneasy and tense. 

Every sound that left car made him shiver with traumatizing memories, he hated every second of it and he slowly started to slip into another daze.

"Hey, how about you go take a bath and relax a bit, i know the bus sucked." The other on the bed said quietly only to him.

He heard the words but he didn't register them. They mixed with all the other sounds in the room and he couldn't distinguish them from anything else. He felt heavy and worn out, letting himself fall back against the white hotel blankets. Whenever he moved his eyes his vision seemed shaky and blurry. Like in the movies when a character is set standing in a busy street and everyone is sped up and walking around them.

"Hyung." Taehyun shook him. "Hyung-ah"

Beomgyu could tell he was moving his head to look at him, eyes going slower than the rest of him, but he couldn't recall actually making himself do it. Taehyun seemed troubled at his state. He wanted to stop his "checkouts" because he always had to watch it worry him and it made him feel bad how often it happened, but he never knew when it was starting before he would get so far into it that he couldn't pull himself back out.

He wished he could be normal and just live his life without zoning out several times in a day 

"Blink twice if you can hear me." 

Two slow blinks.

"Okay, do it again if you feel sick."

Beomgyu kept his eyes open, but they seemed droopy. He didn't feel sick at all, just out of it.

"That's good. Um is it another checkout?"

He wasn't asked but he gave two more pushed blinks and began to feel the sensation of being pushed up from his laying position. 

"Soobin can you open the window please?" 

Beomgyu heard shuffling and then the sounds outside of the hotel. He appeared limp like his feet and arms had fallen asleep as Taehyun walked him to the window, putting a hand on his back. 

"Look, it's really pretty outside... right?"

The scenery was lined with colorful skyscrapers and buildings lit up in florescent lights, the clouds were puffy and white and the sun was almost against the horizon. It was very different then what he was used to at camp. 

"Mhmm."

Taehyun stroked the back of his head and smiled. 

"Yeah? What's pretty about it?"

"Sky." He whispered. "...lights."

Yeonjun, Soobin and Kai observed them and got goosebumps. Taehyun was so naturally gifted in knowing what to do when he was in a bad Dissociation. His mom was after all a therapist so it made sense, he probably got it the talent from being raised her, but it still was amazing. Not only did it calm Beomgyu, but it calmed them too.

Soobin felt less fidgety and energetic from getting to see the city, Kai was less stressed that he wouldn't see his sister for a while, and Yeonjun didn't feel as stressed about everything going on in life anymore. 

"Draw it."

"What?"

"Draw it, draw the sky and lights."

Beomgyu looked a little more present so the nodding in agreement came quicker and the grabbing of his notebook and pencils that Kai had brought to him did too. 

His legs still felt weak and like they were made of jelly when he sat down in front of the air conditioner outside the window. His hand moved fast against the paper and his brain started to start up again in a frantic state of creativity and an explosion of emotions being transferred onto paper.

The paper began to have a dark rim of scribbling graphite, Beomgyu's tongue stuck out in consideration while he looked back and forth between the outside of the window and the sketch. The boys all watched over his shoulder in curiosity. The rim turned into a bleeding shadow against the outline of a window and messy shapes of five boys around it. 

He dropped the notebook and crawled on his hands and knees to his bag, getting coloured pencils and coming back so fast that the others were surprised at the sudden change in him. 

Four of the shaped boys on the drawing were drawn over in colour, making the pencil disappear. One was taller than the others and he was given green tones, then next was looking at the green one and filled with reds, then the third had a youthful face and got drawn in light and dark blues, the fourth was the brightest in yellow and held the hand of the last one who had been covered in deep blacks, all colours bleeding onto the darkness. The sky was rainbow and he wrote little words by each boy.

Green: Bunny Soobie

Red: Jun-Jun^^

Blue: baby Hyuka

Yellow: Prince Taehyun

Black: Choi Beomgyu 

Everyone looked at each other as he ripped out the paper and stuck it with tape he had gotten with his markers against the unopened part of the window. Taehyun stepped forward with a shocked expression, raking his eyes over it. Beomgyu already back to his bed and playing on his phone, feeling completely better.

"Did you assign us colors based on the personality types?"

"Yeah."

"What personality types?"

"My mom told him he needed to find his colour in his second session with him yesterday. In some psychology teachings everyone has a colour that is associated with them, like an aura kind of? He gave Soobin green because his loving, kind and likes peace. Yeonjun red cause he's headstrong and passionate. Kai blue because he's creative, emotional, and family-driven. But why did you give me yellow? I told you I was purple." He explained, voice changing at the end as look behind him to Beomgyu.

"Cause you are my yellow duh." Beomgyu laughed, aggressively pressing his phone screen as he played a mobile game

"Gyu..." taehyun softened and felt his stomach twist.

"And I'm black and I'm absorbing everyone's colours because you guys help me out so much, as I understand myself better when I'm with you all." 

He said it so casually but everyone took in deep within him, and Soobin crashed into him, hugging him.

"Hyung my game!" He whined phone knocked out his grip. 

Kai came over too, hugging his other side, Yeonjun sitting in the center of the bed with Taehyun next to him.

"It wasn't supposed to make you all sappy and clingy!" Beomgyu complained.

"It did though... and I think we found a good coping mechanism for you. Forget anything this time?"

"I don't know. How am I suppose to remember forgetting things I don't remember?"

"Good point."

They all looked up and saw a director and a blonde boy they hadn't seen walking in. They looked surprised at the sight of Soobin and Kai clinging onto Beomgyu, but they didn't question them, going to explain their presence.

"Hi! This is Hyunsuk, he's Mr. Oh's kid and he couldn't make it to camp this year because he had sports programs he had to attend, but the directors agreed that he could come on this trip with everyone!"

"Oh- hi"

"Hello"

"Hiii"

The boy smiled and waved to them. 

"They said you were the smallest group so they wanted to see if I could room with you for the week."

"That's fine, we don't have many beds though."

"I can sleep on the floor, don't worry, I don't want it to seem like I'm intruding."

"You aren't, it's okay."

"Alright, then, I'll see you later Hyunsuk-ah, have fun with your new roommates."

The directors rubbed his back momentarily and shut the door behind him. The room was awkward and the new boy moved his bag in.

"Um- what sports do you play? You know the ones that you couldn't go camping for?" Asked Soobin, trying to break the tension.

"Actually, don't tell anyone, but I lied about that, I go to the local theatre to be in the play set up by teens every day."

"Seriously?"

"Yea.... my dad is kinda weird about me going."

"Your dad is kinda weird everything."

"You've met him?

"Yeah, he caught me beating the crap out of someone."

"And us in the middle of the night at the lake."

"And me skipping lessons."

Hyunsuk nodded, recognizing the talk from the previous years he had actually attended camp with everyone

"My brother is a YCL and he's been texting me that he's being the Jesus police just like he always is, so I'm not surprised."

"Who is your brother?"

"Well half brother, it's Taehyung. Tan, wavy hair, doubt you know him since he's assigned to the lower levels and avoids the human population most of the time."

The five stopped in their places and chaos began to boom within the hotel room. 

"Taehyung?!"

"Tae?"

"Like Jungkook's Taehyung?"

"Witchcraft Taehyung?"

"The sinner's Cabin Taehyung?!?"

Hyunsuk laughed and ran a hand through his hair trying to calm them down and shush them.

"Yes, yes, yes. He doesn't tell anyone since my dad is his step Dad and he low key hates him with his entire body. Every time we go camping he pretends he doesn't know him."

"Damn... plot twist." 

"Yeah exactly... I assume you know about the Jungkook thing then since you know him?"

"Yeah, unfortunately, they shouldn't have separated them like that."

"So you guys are okay with them dating then?"

"Yeah of course."

"Ok good, that means I am with a cool cabin this time. I am usually stuck with Doyon and Suho's gang."

"Ew, Doyon stole my clothes while I was taking a shower."

"Suho was the kid who got his nose broken by Beomgyu."

"so you are Beomgyu then?" He asked, pointing at him.

"Yep, and that's Soobin, Yeonjun, Kai, and Taehyun."

"Oh okay cool."

Beomgyu then flinched like he had been hit and forrowed his eyebrow, looking lost. 

"Why are we in a hotel room?"

“...”

“...”

"I swear to god did you forget again Dory?

"Dory?"

"He has a type of amnesia so we call hi-"

"Who are you?"

"....Hyunsuk.... we just met like two seconds ago?"

Beomgyu groaned and whipped his head back, hitting his head on the bed frame. 

"Seriously? Again?" He hit his head with his hand and frowned in defeat "this is stupid.... fill me in again please."

37 days left


	25. Day 24

"You asked Taehyun if he liked you and he said yes, you are going to figure out if you like him back but you can't kiss him yet!!! Don't forget!!"

The little message Beomgyu wrote to himself rang in his drawing notebook shown in bright to him while he sat between two of the beds, back pressed against one. He did forget. He didn't remember the moment that was drawn out on the paper in cartoons. But he remembers being extremely flirty and romantic with Taehyun the past few days so it makes sense that it happened, but he still can't pull it out from his head. 

"Gyu, what wrong?" 

Beomgyu looked up from the cartoons and words and saw a worried Taehyun, he had been so concerned all morning and it was making him feel bad within himself for forgetting stuff again.

"Yeah... I just, I forgot stuff about us."

"That's okay, I can just tell you about it again."

Beomgyu frowned. He didn't want to live his entire life hearing stories and reading notes of the things he experienced. 

"But what happens when I kiss you? I want to remember it."

"You can just kiss me again, it fine."

Beomgyu shifted himself so the paper journal fell off his raised lap and pushed himself off the ground to climb onto the bed. 

The other three boys from the cabin were in the corner of the room playing a board game with the new boy Hyunsuk. They all really liked him and thought he was cool and charismatic, so they all had practically been clinging to him. 

"But Tae- what if I forget I like you?"

"You like me now?"

"Yes."

"You figured it out?"

"Yes."

Beomgyu knew he liked him for sure when he saw the look on his face when he forgot stuff again yesterday. Of course, he didn't know about the promise he made to figure out his feelings, but he knew that he saw the entire universe within Taehyun's sad look.

Taehyun suddenly seemed shy and unsure, head downturn to his lap where his hands were messing with the white hotel blanket. 

"Hey, what's with the sudden face?" 

Beomgyu hand met his knee and he moved himself so he bent his neck at a weird angle to meet his eyes. Taehyun quickly avoided his look and stood up off the bed.

"What happens now?"

"Is that what you are worried about?"

"...yeah I don't want anything to change between us."

"It won't, we can just keep doing what we are doing. Except I get to kiss you now... I'm not going to push you into anything you don't want, you can call all the shots."

"Really?"

"Yes, prince."

The corners of Taehyuns mouth turned upwards and he shyly kissed both Beomgyu's cheeks.

"Get a room!" Whine Yeonjun from the other side of the room. 

Beomgyu glared and jokingly flipped him the finger, grabbing Taehyun's hips and pushing onto the bed behind him, legs on both sides of hips. 

"Woah, Woah, Woah, some of us are minors here keep it pg!"

Taehyun squirmed and attempted to push off Beomgyu before he started to kiss his neck, leaving light-coloured splotches along his jaw which he was holding firmly. 

"B-beom!" Taehyuns feet kicked against the mattress and the other finally rolled off.

He slowly sat up and awkwardly grinned at the other four boys, then leaned over to hit Beomgyu. 

"Idiot you better have not left any marks this time!"

"This time?!?"

"You ask that like he didn't have a whole bite mark after coming out of the shower the other day!!"

Hyunsuk laughed with a shake of the head and rolled the small dice to the game. 

"What what are you laughing at? You've been here two days and we've been dealing with the grossness for like three weeks!"

"Nothing, nothing, they just remind me of my girlfriend and me, that's all. We used to do stuff in the showers too."

"We didn't do anything in the showers!" Taehyun gasped in the offence. 

"Don't lie!! I am willing to put money on you guys doing VERY non-church-friendly things in there!"

"We didn't!!"

"Literally we are both are virgins please shut up."

"I don't believe that for two seconds."

"Whatever.... now I am going to actually shower because I need to clean myself of the three of you's stupidity for the hundredth time."

"Don't forget to bring "Prince Tae-the"" teased Soobin who was batting his eyelashes and swinging his legs to appear innocent.

"Actually yeah, I won't. C'mon Tae." Grumbled Beomgyu, grabbing the boy's wrist.

"W-what?!? I already showered earlier!"

"And?"

Beomgyu dragged him off as he gave a pleading look to the others, stumbling along the way.

"Don't do anything Soobin wouldn't do!"

"Oh shut up!" Hollered Beomgyu, stifling a laugh.

Soobin folded his arms and huffed, turning to Yeonjun. 

"I do things."

"You kiss people and drank Hoseokie Hyung's alcohol once. You are innocent as hell."

"That doesn't mean I couldn't do more!"

"Yea yea, whatever you say." Chuckled Yeonjun, moving his game piece against the board as the faint sound of the shower in the bathroom starting reached them. 

Soobin whined and clung to Kai. 

"Ning-Ning, Hyung is being mean to meeeee."

"And?"

The taller gasped and broke from him, offended as he stared at him who was shrugging. 

"Fine. I'll just be besties with Hyunsukie." He spoke dramatically like a kid who got grounded as he pushed his chair out from the hotel table and sat down beside Hyunsuk who was honestly just confused at the whole cabin's dynamic, he held onto his arm and rubbed his head on his shoulder.

"See? He's nice. And I am the only one invited to him and his girlfriend's wedding."

"Actually we aren't getting married ye-"

"Shhhhhhhhhhhh"

"Okay, okay, fine but it's your turn, so let go of me you tree."

"Tree?! We are the same height!"

"So? I never said I wasn't also a tree!"

Soobin's mouth went into a flat line and he sent daggers to all three boys at the table, muttering an "I hate you all" as he rolled the dice. Quiet and muffled laughs ran out from the bathroom and they all turn to it, quirking an eyebrow. Within the room, Beomgyu was trying to pull Taehyun into the shower but he was hiding behind the curtain.

"It's not like I haven't seen you before." He laughed, grasping him with a wet hand. 

"I know! But I'm still naked!"

"I won't look down I promise, just like last time."

"You swear?"

"Swear on my life."

"...fine, move over"

Taehyun wrapped their arms around himself to cover as much as he could and stepped into the stream of water, making Beomgyu laugh again. 

"Don't look!"

"I'm not! You're just cute okay?"

The brunette reached up above him and grabbed a mini bottle of shampoo, squirting some in his hand.

"Can I wash your hair again? Or you would you prefer you do it."

"Ummm... you- you can do it Hyung."

Beomgyu smiled. He usually didn't call him Hyung, despite the obvious understanding that he should. He usually only did when they were close like this. His fingers moved in the blonde hair with growing in roots and moved the shampoo around, Taehyun's eyes closed and he relaxed at the feeling, coming a little closer so he wouldn't have to reach across the shower. 

It felt so nice to be taken care of like this. It was a really simple thing but he still enjoyed it. And he appreciated how the older never tried to initiate something other than just showering in the two times they had done it together. Taehyun still didn't know completely if he was into anything other than romance at the moment, and even if he was he definitely wasn't ready to actually act on it yet. He had way too much insecurity and dysphoria for that right now.

"You like this don't you?" Beomgyu smiled, looking down at him. 

"Mhmm."

Taehyun leaned into his touch against his cheek, feeling lips against his forehead and Beomgyu's body pushed past him for conditioner. 

He felt like tiled walls were closing in at how close he was. Everything felt so intimate and domestic all of the sudden. So many things that he wasn't used to. His chest raised in a sharp breath and Beomgyu stopped in his movements. 

"Are you okay?"

"I-its just, I'm not used to this- it's a lot." He slightly panicked, nearly wanting to climb out the water flow and back into the hotel bed. 

"Woah, where is this coming from?"

"I don't know. I- how did we get so close so fast? It's only been three weeks. How do I like you so much? And how do you like me? How-"

"Taehyun." He cut him off.

"What?"

"You're okay."

Hands held his waist. Too many things were happening and it felt overwhelming to him, making him back up. 

"Tae.." 

Beomgyu voice seemed hurt and confused as he watched Taehyun cover himself again. 

"I'm just- it's just fast okay?"

"We can slow down if you want, It's fine. I want you to be comfortable. 

"But I don't want to slow down. And it's freaking me out. I went from never ever liking someone, to suddenly showering with you like a married couple on their honeymoon. But I want to keep doing it. It's not right, how- I didn't even know I was capable of feeling like this a month ago."

"Prince that's okay, it's okay to feel things."

"I'd prefer others to feel things not me. It's easier to comfort others over yourself."

Beomgyu frowned, slowly stepping forward and cupping his face, water falling directly above them, making it hard to keep their eyes open.

"Let me comfort you then."

"What?"

"You help me all the time. Let me return the favour. I don't feel enough sometimes, and you feel too much. We can balance each other out okay?"

Taehyun weakly nodded, pushing himself to touch his sides and meet his gaze.

"What do you see? That what you have me do right? What do you see in front of you right now?"

"You...."

"What about me?"

"Your eyes. And lips, cheeks."

"Yeah? Tell me about them."

"Your eyes are really pretty. They are a dark colour and they are bigger than most people's are. Your lips are really cute and kind of chapped because you always pick at them when you zone out. And your cheeks are pink because I'm making you blush right now... I think."

"You are. What else?"

"Your hair gets so long in the water that it gets in your eyes." He whispered, pushed the wet locks away to frame his face. "And your ears turn red when I compliment you. And you are smiling right now."

He seemed calm again and he stepped forward to put his head against the curve of his shoulder, lips mumbling "thank you" against the wet tan skin. 

"You're welcome." 

Beomgyu put a hand against the back of his head and slowly grabbed the conditioner again, he kept his hold on him and rubbed it onto his hair, feeling him smile into his shoulder. 

"Why are they taking so long?" Asked Kai, playing with his phone between turns of the game back in the main room of the hotel. 

"Dude, what do you think they do when they are naked together?"

"Maybe they are JUST showering?"

"No way."

Hyunsuk set his piece down on the board and clasped his hands together. 

"Okay, I hate to be that guy that shows up and assumes he knows everything. But I am pretty sure that they don't do that stuff. Like Beomgyu just said that he was going to let him take it slow while you guys were busy bickering about club penguin, and it wouldn't really matter if they were doing anything since that's personal. And Taehyun seems really insecure, haven't you seen him look at himself in the mirror before? He looked disgusted and I seriously doubt that he'd let Beomgyu touch him in that way yet if they've only known each other for what? Three weeks?"

"How did you pick all that up in like 24 hours?"

"They act exactly how Taehyung and Jungkook did when they first started talking. It's just a replay of last year's camp with different people."

"How?"

"Well... I don't want to expose my brother. But he isn't as confident and laid back as he seems, he was really overwhelmed by Jungkook at first because of it. "

"Really? He seems like he doesn't give a crap about anything."

"Far from the truth me friend"

36 days left


	26. Day 25

Some people smile when they aren't happy so others don't worry. They crack jokes and laugh to show they are okay. But then when their back hits the cold metal of a chair lined on the sidewalks of a city, looking at rainbow of fireworks for a small festival they are attending with their friends they feel like crying because even the beautiful scene can’t make the crushing feeling of the reality of themselves better. 

Yeonjun slipped one of the dumplings the six boys were served at the festival food stand onto Hyunsuk’s plate and another onto Taehyun’s. He then wrapped one in a napkin tightly and subtly pushed it in his pocket. This left the last one alone on his plate like he had eaten the others. No one saw because they were too busy watching the small light show above the city street. Apart of him wanted and pleaded internally for someone to notice and make him eat the small items of food, the rest of him was relieved that he got away with it. His pants were slightly looser than normal and his the skin on his ribs showed a little more than they did last week. It gave him a sense of accomplishment that pushed back his recent extreme self-criticism that pounded his brain at all hours of the day. 

“Why do I have five? I thought they gave us each four?”

Yeonjun’s body chilled at Taehyun’s voice. 

“No, I have five dumplings too.”

“Oh, they must have just given us more then.”

“Hyung did you already eat your others?”

The surprised looked Soobin gave him made him feel guilty. It was shocking to him that he ate them so fast, even though he really hadn’t eaten them at all. It made him feel bad for eating even though he didn’t.

“Yeah, I was really hungry haha.”

Soobin pet his hair and praised him for eating without him asking him to, which he had been doing at nearly every meal since he had to go to the nurse back at camp. The younger had hawk eyes on him whenever food was around and it was a little suffocating, but he had been finding his way around it while still making him believe that he was being normal. He felt bad for sneaking around but he couldn’t stop himself. And he felt like an awful person when he pulled him into being a little spoon on one of the three hotel beds when they finally left the festival for the day. 

“Hyung-ah I’m really proud of you. You did well today.”

He wanted to push him off for making him feel the way he was. He’d never let himself be the little spoon person, he always had been the big one in his past relationships. It made him feel vulnerable and cared for, but he didn’t think he really deserved it all that much. He felt like crying and slightly shifted so he was laying on his stomach with his head shoved in the pillow. He shouldn’t like him like this. He should be liking Lea. Lea is a girl. Soobin is a boy.

He felt the small amount of rice and fruit, and singular dumpling he had eaten through the day in his stomach and he wished he could go back in time and not have consumed them. He shouldn’t have. Not when he likes Soobin. 

He pushed Soobin off him so lightly that he barely even moved an inch, just coming back to hug him tighter. 

“Really I’m serious! You had all four dumplings! And you ate your rice too! That’s really good!”

‘Stop reminding me.’ Boomed in Yeonjun’s thoughts. 

He really hated himself right now and need the tall boy to let go of him, but every time he’d move the hug would get tighter and Soobin would nuzzle his head against his neck so he could feel his fluffy black hair that smelt like coconut shampoo. 

Yeonjun could feel his heartbeat in his ears. It was so fast. It was so loud. It was so noticeable. It was because of Soobin. 

He rolled on his opposite side and the other whined cutely, making grabby hands at his yellow shirt.

“Danny Hyung let me cuddle you.”

His eyes were wide and sparkly, and the English name he had called him felt so personal. Yeonjun had anxiety inside him but caved like he always did for him and came back into his hold. 

He could see all the others over Soobin’s should. Huening Kai was drawing something on an art tablet. Beomgyu was laying between Taehyun’s legs on their bed, both laughing about something on the older’s phone. And Hyunsuk was on a chair by the tv face timing his girlfriend back home. 

They are normal.

Yeonjun couldn’t stop the intrusive thoughts coming in. Everything from “they all hate you” to “what if you left camp early?” came to him. 

“Bin? I need to go to the bathroom.” 

“Can you hold it???” Soobin clung onto to him further and he shook his head in panic. 

Why was he so interested in cuddling him when he was such an awful person?

“N-no, I really really got to go.”

“Fine.”

Yeonjun gasped and rushed his way to the small restroom, shutting the door being him and crouching in front of the counter trying to catch his nervous breath. His hands were above him, holding onto the edge of the marble counter. The floor became his new favourite thing, he started attempting to memorize the patterns on the tiles to get rid of his racing thoughts. 

The doorknob turned. 

“You’ve been here for a while? Are you-“

Soobin looked down at the pale colour of his face. He closed the door and locked it, coming down to his level. 

“What’s wrong?”

“Shouldn’t have- I shouldn’t have eaten it.”

“Ate what? Do you feel sick?

“Everything.

“Hyung. It’s okay, you didn’t even have that much.”

“Yes I did, I could have given it to you.”

“Why would you give it to me?”

“You need it more.”

“But I already had food, you didn’t, it’s okay.”

“I don’t need it though.”

“It’s food, everyone needs food.”

“I wish I didn’t.”

“...where is this coming from?”

“I don’t know! You all probably just hate me I-“

“None of us hate you.”

“Yes, you do.”

“No. We love you. So you need to eat.”

“I know....”

“How long have you had problems with food?”

“Years. Only really bad once though. I won’t get that bad again I swear! I’m just eating a little less than I normally do, you don’t need to worry.”

“Yes, I do.” Soobin sat crossed leg next to him, and tried to meet his eyes, but he was avoiding it. “If you were bad once, you can get bad again.”

“No, I have it under control.”

“You don’t. You think you do, but you don’t. What even happened when it was bad?”

“I just stopped eating, like I’d have some stuff here in there.”

“So like now?”

Yeonjun finally connected their eyes, with a deadly serious look that frightened Soobin. 

“You don’t see me in a hospital right now though. I’m not that bad.”

“Y-you went to a hospital?”

Yeonjun sighed, pushed against his hands to slide across the floor to meet the bathtub against his back. 

“Sophomore year yeah. I had a seizure in my English class.”

“Hyung!!”

“See! I’m not as bad as I used to be! I’ve gotten better!”

“No, you haven’t. You still are dealing with it.”

“And?”

“And, I care about you so I’m asking... please, just let yourself eat without worrying.”

“Lot easier than it sounds Bin”

Soobin touched his face, turning it back to him. 

“Please? For me? And if not for me, for your mom, or for yourself, or even your dog. Just anyone. Think about being a choreographer or voice coach, you can’t do that if you keep this up.”

Yeonjun melted at his gentle words. Whenever someone had been upset over him and his food problems they’d be annoyed or frustrated with him, but soobin just seemed caring and understanding. 

“Okay.”

“Thank you.”

They sat there for a while in silence before the younger got up and reached for the door. But Yeonjun is a surge of adrenaline quickly god up and turn him around by his arm. 

Soobin stared at him with asking eyes and Yeonjun held the front of his shirt in his hands and kissed him. He didn't even know why, but he needed to, he really really needed to. 

He felt a gasp against his mouth but it was soon returned. It was desperate, and filled with needs and wants emotionally. Soobin didn’t know why he felt like he needed to have every last bit of his hyung but he wanted to kiss him forever. Teeth were clashing and hands were grasping onto anything and everything. When Soobin kissed down his neck he completely forgot how confused he was, he felt high on Yeonjun and couldn’t stop to ask what was happening. The second his lips hit him he was swarmed with self-questions. Why? All of the sudden? 

They didn’t know what they were doing, but Yeonjun sank on his knees in front of the boy and looked up at Soobin, asking for permission, getting a nod from his flushed face. Both can’t believing what was about to happen. 

This is not what either of them thought was going to happen that day, but they had stayed quiet enough so no one heard them in the room, and they fixed their messy hair in the mirror before coming back out nearly twenty minutes later.

No one even looked at them.

“Can we not tell anyone, please? Like, keep it a secret?” Yeonjun whispered once he calmed down from everything, letting reality sink in. 

“sure.” 

“Also, can we just pretend it didn’t happen?”

Why did that question hurt Soobin so badly? 

35 days left.


	27. Day 26

Yeonjun pulled Soobin behind where the rental bus for the camp was parked and ran his hands down his clothing-covered chest. He couldn't take them being awkward for another second. He was so drawn to him that it would be physically impossible to not touch him like that again, despite what had told him after it happened.

"I thought you wanted to forget it?"

"I can't."

"Me either."

Soobins breath hit his face, noses brushing as yeonjun pulled the tied strings of his beige hoodie so the hood would come off, revealing his tangled hair that he had forgotten to brush. 

"Just don't tell anyone about what we are doing."

"Of course."

Soobin reached forward and cupped the sides of his face, they kiss just like the night before. He didn't necessarily want to keep it a secret, he wanted to scream to the entire city that he was getting to kiss Choi Yeonjun again, and how he was the only person who could make him giggle and blush like a little school girl in an anime would. But he understands. Yeonjun doesn't know his sexuality right now, and he's already going through so much, he doesn't want to add being forced out of the possible closet to his troubles. He found himself to be the only person that actually knew about the real Yeonjun. 

The Yeonjun everyone sees is cocky and energetic, funny too. But the one he knows is a little shy, caring, and has a lot more going on than he'd like to admit. He wanted to continue to see this side of him and help him understand that's okay to act that way, to not put up a front all the time. Kissing him might help. Plus he really really REALLY enjoys the feeling of his lips against his... And against /other/ places. 

No one really knew where they went, blankets had been laid out on the parking lot of an art museum in the city that was sponsoring part of the week-long festival, everyone was sat on them eating and talking, but the two boys were off in their own world, seemingly disappearing into thin air.

Both had stayed up to ungodly hours of the night rerunning what took place in the bathroom on a loop, not being able to think about anything else.

Yeonjun's mind was dazed with both worries and the way the boy looked and acted when he did a very not-so-family-friendly too. Him not having experienced anything semi-close to it felt like his senses and nerve-endings were working on a full time, completely drunk on it. He both loved and hated how ruining his complete streak of innocence made him feel so warm and tingly. He was the first person to touch Soobin like that, and he didn't want anyone else to. He wanted to get off his bed and snatch Soobin out of his pile of blankets and pillows and do it all over again. And it terrified him. 

And Soobin stayed awake imagining how his parents would react if they ever found out and if it was ever going to happen again because he wanted to return the favour to him so badly. 

"Where are the Hyungs?"

"Uhhhh... I don't know."

"No idea."

"They'll show up eventually."

Beomgyu leaned across the blanket to grab a soda and talked for the first time since getting out of the bus in the busy traffic that he hated. Everyone just thought he was zoning out again, but he was really just thinking hard about life 

"What happens when camps end?"

"What do you mean?"

"Are we just gonna stop being friends? Are we going to text and call? Soobin Hyung doesn't even have a phone so how are we going to keep in contact."

"He's eighteen, he'll move out soon. We can just write letters."  
.  
"What if we drift?"

"Why would we?"

"Everyone drifts."

"Huh?"

"Whenever I make friends we stop talking the second we don't see each other in person.

"We'll facetime a lot. Why are you so worried about this all of the sudden Gyu?"

"You guys are my only friends, you too Hyunsuk, even if I've known you for only three days."

It was true. Beomgyu had lost most of his friends after his accident. He missed a lot of schools so people stopped contacting him, and when he finally got back everyone said he had "changed", which was somewhat true, he did lose the people that raised him, but he was still Beomgyu. He went from being one of the most popular students to the loner who sat by himself at lunch. 

"I live in Daegu to remember? I'll hang out with you, we probably don't live too far away." 

"Really prince?"

Taehyun nodded and rubbed his shoulder in comfort. 

"Yeah, I'm finally stopping homeschooling because of us moving from Seoul. We can meet up after classes and stuff. 

"Do you know what school you going to?"

"Some all-boys one, Kyung... something"

"Kyeongbuk?"

"Yea, I think so."

"Oh god."

"What?"

"Our schools are like ten minutes away from each other and we are rivals in literally every sport to ever exist." 

"Are you serious?"

"Deadly. I'll be shoved into a toilet if the basketball team sees me hanging out with you while you are wearing the uniform."

"Damn."

"At least we are close though?"

"Yea, but toilet water smells gross."

"Oh shut up." 

Hyunsuk set down the sandwich he was waiting for, holding a finger up to tell them to wait for a second while he finished chewing. He then cleared his throat.

"I go to Kyeongbuk too, I can show you 'round on your first day. And are you Daegu national?"

"Oh okay, thanks!"

"Yes, I am."

"Dear lord, you are lucky I'm not on the soccer team anymore or else I might have you hit you right here."

"See! Rivals!"

They laughed and Taehyun stopped them. 

"If you go to an all-boys school then how did you meet your girlfriend?"

"Oh she's Jimin's cousin, they introduced her to me at camp last year."

"Why didn't she co-"

Hyunsuk's phone rang, making them all stop talking as he swiped the accept button. 

"Hey, what's up? I'm with my roommates right now, you're on speaker-"

His face drained of as he heard a sniffle come out of the device.

"Babe, is something wrong?"

"Can we talk alone? I need to tell you something."

"U-um yeah, one second." 

He clicked the speaker button off and held the phone to his ear, and walking off the blanket. 

Yeonjun and Soobin were still behind the bus, the short of the two pressing light kisses on the pale skin on the other neck as hands went up and down his side and back. They were completely unaware of their surroundings, but the drop of a phone made them jump aware from each other, several feet apart. 

Hyunsuk stood at the other end of the bus hand still hovering by his ear, staring at them with wide eyes. 

"H-Hyun-suk! H-hey.... did you see anything?"

"Yes, but-

"Your phone."

Soobin pointed at the now cracked phone on the parking lot pavement. The boy scrambled down and picked it up. The two that were just kissing moments before awkwardly looked at each other, tension all around. They thought they were done by for, Soobin for possibly ruining Yeonjun's newfound interest in him, and Yeonjun for being caught kissing a boy. But their worries were cut the second Hyunsuk spoke into the phone. 

The words he said, made them forget the situation and gasp. They didn't think they'd ever leave their heads. Their stomachs churned and their hearts fell against the ground. 

"I-i'll call you back okay? Just- it's okay. I'm fine, you didn't do anything wrong, it's all my fault. Just let me think for a bit, and I'll call you later tonight so we can talk about this, okay?" He continued "I love you."

He brought the phone down and pressed the screen, looking back up at them in horror, automatically beginning to cry when he hung up.

"Hyungs... I don't know what I'm going to do." 

The two ran over to him and hugged him. They didn't know him for long but he was really sweet and always tried to include everyone, he was a mediator the cabin-mates didn't know they needed. They felt awful for him and his situation.

"It's gonna be okay."

"My Dad is going to kill me! He'll kick me out! What is a 16-year old supposed to do when he gets kicked out!"

"He won't, and you can just stay with her? Or Jimin maybe? Jungkook?"

"My life is literally ruined."

"You don't know that."

"My Dad does though."

Yeonjun whipped out his own phone and started texting someone. "I'll see if we can stay home today. I can stay back and you can call her again, I am friends with one of the directors and she'll understand if we explain it to her."

"Wouldn't she be mad?"

"No, she's cool."

"Okay."

"Soobin, go tell the others that Hyun doesn't feel good and we won't be at the festival for the rest of the day okay?"

He nodded, jogging around the bus and Yeonjun put his hands on Hyunsuk's shoulder.

"This happened to my Mom and Dad. You can talk to her when she gets off from work and she can give you advice. Mrs. Park said we can just call an uber, she won't tell the other directors."

"Thank you, Hyung."

34 days left.


	28. Day 27

"Gyu.."

"Hmmm"

"stop."

Beomgyu moved his head back and removed his lips from Taehyun's stomach. 

"Why? What's wrong?"

"I don't think I'm ready." 

He had been pushing himself across an uncomfortable line since Beomgyu attached himself onto him when the other's went downstairs for breakfast without them. 

He had looked at him with a weird glint in his eyes and crawled over to be in front of him. He looked so tall at that moment. Taehyun had been laying down, phone held above him and glanced at him in question to see how he made him look so tiny in comparison. 

Beomgyu smiled mischievously and took the phone out of his hand, putting it beside him and hooking his hands around the back of his knees to pull him towards him in a quick motion, making his yelp. Taehyun's legs were then found nearly around his waist, with hands at the bend of his hips. His breath caught inhis throat as he moved to caress his inner and outer thighs. 

"Am I allowed to kiss you now?"

Beomgyu knew the answer, but he still wanted to make sure. He did say he could when he decided he likes him after all.

"Yes please."

Somehow they got to the point where the older's shirt was off and Taehyun was clinging onto his shoulders and hair. His lips were moving down his torso and hands were tugging at his black pants with white stripes running down the side of them. That's when he started to panic. He didn't want to say anything though. 

The pants were stripped off his legs and it got worse, heart beating loudly, he was underneath Beomgyu with only a white t-shirt and boxers. He seemed so into it, he didn't want to ruin it for him, but he was afraid if he didn't say something he wouldn't ever be able to. He wasn't ever near ready right now. He broke when waves of dysphoria came across him, lips were on his hip bones and stomach, right above the top of his boxers. What would happen if they went lower? 

"That's okay love." 

He could tell he was somewhat disappointed, even if he smiled in a caring matter with his words. Taehyun hated his skin, it burned with the need to escape himself as Beomgyu shuffled to lay down against his stomach hugging it, completely changing moods with a soft cuddle. 

His legs were still around him. There were small. Too feminine. 

You are still a girl.

He felt like running off a building at his thought. His dysphoria hadn't been this bad since he had long hair. He was aware of every "female" part of him, especially how he was acting moments before. He was too submissive, boys didn't do that. Girls did. If he really were a boy he would have been pushing and pulling for dominance, instead of following everything Beomgyu did. He couldn't even be assertive in telling him he wasn't ready. 

When his Dad finally accepted he was trans he started to point out little things he did that were "too girly" or "not very manly". He stopped painting his nails black every day and wearing his dangling piercings because of the judgmentsl looks he'd give him. And he'd try and act more interested in sports and dress a little more conservatively masculine to avoid the remarks that weren't even negatively directed to him. It was just his Dad'sway of thinking, he didn't ever realize how badly it was affecting him. 

With Beomgyu still on top of him, he could practically see his dad lifting an eyebrow at him, questioning why he was letting him do it. He then squirmed in discomfort and deep insecurity. He wanted to tell him to get off but he liked him there.

Before he came out his dad was weird about feminine stereotypes too. He believed a woman should serve their husbands and submit to their desires. 

Taehyun was torn between the part of him that grew  
up female, getting drilled to act nicely and let his lover do what he pleased, and the part of him that was most definitely a boy, being taught to take what he wants and not back down. He had too much of a double-sided childhood that embedded stupid rules within him. Pulling him in two completely different directions. 

"Be a nice girl and let him stay where he is" he could imagine his Dad says. 

And "Be a man, you shouldn't let him overpower you like that. Be the "alpha male""

Taehyun hated that term. Alpha male. Whenever he walked in on him watching a music video by an idol group, he'd sat that they need to become one. He thought the dyed pink and blue hair, fancy outfits, and light makeup were weird, making them lesser of a man. And Taehyun had wanted to be an idol until he had heard the complaints about them from his father enough times. 

He said he was a boy. He had put people through so much with his transition, created so much strain within his family, so he couldn't just sit around and let a boy be on top of him this way. 

He pushed Beomgyu's shoulders up and move his legs off him, leaving him on the hotel bed with a confused look. 

"You seem off. What's wrong?"

"Nothin."

"There you go again."

"Go again?"

Beomgyu rolled over, so he was sitting with his hands behind him on a pillow, holding his body up. 

"Not communicating what you are feeling. I've told you a thousand times to just be honest with me."

"I am being honest with you."

"Really? Then what's wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong."

Beomgyu groaned, hands moving to rub his face in frustration. 

"Please. Just once can you tell me what you are feeling without me having to pry it out of you?"

His voice was slightly harsh and it stressed Taehyun out. He was offended.

"I never asked you to pry anything out of me!"

"Well someone has to do it!"

"So it bothers you?"

"What does?"

"My feelings. You obviously find them burdensome so I'll just save the breath I would have used to tell you."

Taehyun felt annoying and stupid for ever thinking he would want to know what was happening in his head in the first place. He yanked his pants back on and threw Beomgyu shirt at him. He couldn't tell if he really thought like this, or if the dysphoria and words of the man that raised him were clouding his judgement and critical thinking skills 

"Tae! That's not what I meant!"

"Then what did you mean? Or would you want me to "pry" it out of you? Oh no sorry that's too much work isn't it?"

"Prince, I just wanted to know what was going on. You suddenly changed, did I make you uncomfortable? We never have to do that kind of thing if we don't want to.

"No god! You didn't. I'm just dumb okay! I don't want to bother you with it more than I already have."

"You never bothered me!"

"Then why are you freaking out right now?!"

"Because I fucking girl Beomgyu! I don't have a dick! Why in the absolute hell would you want to sleep with me?!"

"What?!?" 

Four boys stood at the now open hotel door, some with mouths hanging open, others with hands covering their shocked faces. 

"Great! Now the whole world knows that I am pretending to be a dude and they are all are going to hate me! Thanks!" 

Taehyun yanked the charger connected to his phone out and shoved the device in his pocket, pushing past the others while he was trying to grab at him, attempting to pull him into the room. 

"Fucking stop!"

Taehyun's face was beat red, he was hysterical. Harshly pulling his arm out of Beomgyu's pleading hands. 

"Tae, baby, please. I don't care, it doesn't matter! I still-"

"No, you don't! You are just trying to convince yourself that you do! You are gay!"

"I am, and you are a guy! So there isn't a problem!"

"Then why do I never feel like I am one?! I always feel like I did before I transitioned whenever we get remotely sexual!"

"That's something you have to tell me! I need to know that kind of thing if we are going to work Tae!"

"We aren't working!" 

Soobin gasped, stepping between them.

"Stop it! You two like it each other remember?"

"And? I'm not ready for that! I just- it's too much!"

"Then tell him that not me!"

Taehyun met Beomgyu eyes that were desperate and pleading.

"Tae please-"

"I can't do this."

"We can figure something out, Prince I can help you. We don't have to do anything you don't want to."

"But they are things you want to do."

"And I'm fine with not doing them. I'll live, just please... let's just calm down and we can talk it out, yeah?"

"You deserve to do them though. I saw your face when I said I wasn't ready. You were so disappointed! We can't keep doing whatever the hell we are doing if I disappoint you!"

"You don't disappoint me! Sure I was a little bummed, but only cause I wanted to make you feel good, and if doing it wouldn't have I'm glad that we stopped."

Taehyun sighed. 

"Beomgyu. We won't work."

"But-"

"We should be friends again."

"Don't-

"Please, don't fight it, okay? It's better."

"...okay." 

"Oh my fucking god" groaned Yeonjun, "y'all are going regret this one."

Kai shook his head, looking at them with sad eyes and Hyunsuk gave a tiny, sympathetic smile to them.

Soobin started to cry. 

"Hyung why are you crying?"

"Cause you two are perfect for each other. He doesn't care that you were born a girl, he cares about you so much and it makes me sad that you can't see it."

Beomgyu inhaled deeply and stopped him. 

"Bin, it's okay. Just go lay down."

"But Beom-"

"Lay down. Yeonjun Hyung will cuddle you, okay?"

Soobin looked behind him, doubting the statement, but he saw Yeonjun patting the spot of the bed next to him, scooting over to give him room.

"Okay."

Hyunsuk rubbed his temples, stressed while saying "I can switch beds with one of you, I guess."

"Thanks."

"Mhm."

Hyunsuk's eyes were droopy and tired and Soobin called out to him in a hushed voice when he was swapping his stuff with Taehyun's. He could tell both his own life and Beomgyu and Taehyun's we're stressing him out a lot.

"What did she say?"

"...she's keeping it."

33 days left


	29. Day 28

oday the campers were at a small amusement park, it was supposed to be fun but everything was off. Yeonjun kept wandering off by himself, Kai kept spending all his money on games he definitely wasn't winning, Beomgyu kept dazing out, Soobin was constantly trying to find Yeonjun, Taehyun was just following people around while barely saying much of anything, and Hyunsuk, well he was on high-stress mode trying to take care of everyone. He wasn't involved in any of their drama, so he would always be dragged in to help from an outside viewer's point, even though he had so much on his plate already.

"Hyung, I don't know. He's probably at the bathroom again or something."

"But what if he's lost?"

"He has a phone."

"I'll just go fi-"

"No Soobin, you have to stay here, you'll get lost too."

Hyunsuk grabbed Soobin by his arm, pulling him like a little kid away from the random direction he had been headed. Then he waved his hand in front of Beomgyu, snapping at him till he shook his head, coming back to reality and jumping a little.

"Welcome back to earth." He laughed. "Hyuka, you aren't going to win, we gotta go find Yeonjun Hyung again."

"One more time! I have it okay! Just go without me."

"No, we have to stay together, c'monnnnn."

"Ugh, fine."

Taehyun stood a few feet away from the others as they walked down the stoned pavement of the park. He wasn't having a good day, and he just wanted to go home and cry while watching a dumb drama, sleep, or both. 

He woke up this morning colder than usual, not having Beomgyu's arms wrapped around him. Instead, he only saw Huening Kai's back on the other side of the mattress. He felt lonely at the moment. Even more so when he showered alone, water too hot and burning his skin. He never knew he hated the quiet of the water running down his spine in an empty bathtub before. 

He had sat beside Yeonjun at breakfast, watching him eating a tiny bowl of cereal. He looked stressed and Soobin kept reassuring him, and he could have sworn he saw them holding hands. But he didn't know why any of it was happening, Soobin was just babying him and praising him every time he put his spoon in his mouth. It made him want to go sit beside Beomgyu again, so he could hold his hand under the table, just like they were. They look happy despite the unknown reason behind a Yeonjun's stressing. 

Next was getting dressed for the day. Taehyun changed in the closet and came back into the room to see Beomgyu shirtless, frowning down at the hoodie in his hands. He looked weird and he knew it was another dissociation spell, and he didn't have it in him to just leave him like that. He walked over and gently took the hoodie out of his hold, and put it over his head, ignoring the small and sad eyes that followed him. He needed to get him out of it. 

"What do you see?"

"The...floor." 

Beomgyu wasn't looking up once his arms fought their way through his sleeves. He didn't want to look at Taehyun because he knew he would end up staring. He didn't want to think about how beautiful he was right then.

"What about the floor?"

"Floor."

Taehyun grew concerned. Yeah, his "reality checkouts" were bad, but he had always been able to pull him out of them really quickly. But the older just seem stuck in his place and thoughts, more than usual.

"Hyung." He said, shaking his shoulder. 

Beomgyu stayed put, body feeling tired and not being able to comprehend the movement he was getting.

"Hey, Hyung... Hyung look up."

Nothing. 

"Hyung-ah!" 

That's when Hyunsuk came over, looking at Taehyun in both sympathy and suspicion. He pushed his hands away and stood in his place.

"Beomgyu?"

"What?"

A barely audible response, but it was better than before.

"Hey." He smiled, bending his knees so he would be at eye level. "How are you feeling?"

"Not good."

"I can see that.... what your favourite song?"

"troye Sivan... the quiet."

"Favorite lyric in it?"

Beomgyu then looked up, making direct eye contact with Taehyun and mumbled "I'd rather be black and blue, then accept that you withdrew."

He then snapped out of whatever trance he was in and walked off to the bathroom to brush his teeth.

Taehyun felt terrible, the interaction swarmed his thoughts all throughout the ride to the amusement park, air-pods in while listening to the song he mentioned.

Of course, his English wasn't too good, but he had looked up the translations to the parts he didn't know and it made him sigh. The lyrics were about silence between two people, the writer hating it and wanting anything but it. 

Taehyun was being silent to Beomgyu, he didn't know what to say after yesterday. He knew he overacted, and he deeply regretted it, but the damage had already been done. He half expected the older to put up more of the fight, beg for him to come back. But he didn't, he just stared off into space at all times of the day. And everyone else could get him out of his "checkouts" except for him. Did Beomgyu not like him anymore? Did he not feel comfortable or safe with him? Hyunsuk had pulled him out so easily, but he barely responded to him, like he wasn't there.

When he and Yeonjun sat in a Ferris wheel cart together, after they had found him sitting on a grassy patch by a food stand, he opened and closed his mouth, hesitating to ask what had been on his mind.

"Do you think Beomgyu wants to forget me?"

Yeonjun did a double-take and automatically started to scold him and his worries.

"Yah! Why would say something like that! You know he cares about you, and he is always talking about how happy you make him!"

"But... I couldn't help him."

"When?"

"In the room. With Hyunskie Hyung. He was able to help him when I couldn't, even though they just met."

"That's cause you hurt him. He's just grieving, give him time."

"I didn't mean to hurt him...."

"What do you think would happen when you ended your thing with him over something that doesn't even matter?"

"It does matter."

"To you, but not to him. He could give a rat's ass if you have a dick or not."

"I know."

"You know?"

"Yeah."

"Then why did-"

"Because I care if I do. I care because he deserves someone who is all boy, not just pretending to be one."

Yeonjun swung a hand against the back of his head, making him wince and yelp.

"Pabo you are a guy! And that's coming from someone who used to be transphobic. You are completely a male, so shut up."

"But-"

"Do you think other transgender people aren't completely their gender? Do you think they are pretending?"

"No..."

"Then why do you think you are?"

"I don't know..."

"We'll figure it out... you're not only hurting yourself but Beomgyu too."

"Yeah, I know."

They stopped at the top of the wheel, the cart shaking slightly as it stopped. The sun was setting and it made Taehyun think. It reminded him of Beomgyu. He loved the colours it would make the sky, and he would draw them often.

"I just... have you ever looked in the mirror and hated yourself so badly that you wished no one could ever see you again..."

Yeonjun knew exactly what he was speaking of.

"Yeah... and you feel like you need to disappear somehow?"

Taehyun nodded, looking back at him. His eyes were filled with empathy and it made him emotional, he'd never seen this yeonjun before.

"Sometimes I feel like I need to punish myself for who I am and what I see in the mirror... this time I guess and went too far and actually did it, and it hurt Gyu.... sorry you probably don't need to know about this."

Taehyun felt insecure again, he remembered how Beomgyu said he wanted to know his feelings without having to "pry them out of him", like he found them annoying. Maybe Yeonjun felt the same.

"It's okay, I do that too."

"You do?"

"Yeah..."

"How? You seem so perfect all the time, you are so confident."

"I'm not. I just want you to think that. Whenever I do something wrong I don't let myself eat. Soobin knows and it hurts him but I can't stop."

"...is that why he was saying you were "doing good" at breakfast?"

"Yeah. I threw that cereal up afterwards though... I couldn't help it. I felt too bad for all the things I've been doing. But I didn't want to hurt him more." he whispered, picking at the bottom of his grey shirt. 

"That's not healthy."

"I know, but that's why I did it."

"What have you been doing that you hate so much?"

"I'm falling for Soobin."

"What?"

"I gave him a blowjob... and I liked it. I wasn't even the one receiving it, but I still enjoyed it, I guess I must be gay or something... and It's fine if other people are, but I don't like it when it's me who might be. And we just keep doing things... i'm afraid we might go too far." 

"That's.... a lot of information wow."

"Yeah."

"Why tell me?"

"Cause you understand. You feel bad that you are trans and I feel bad that I might like boys... so we get ourselves into messes because of it. And we both are practical terrified to have sex with someone who we know we like... Even it it's for completely different reasons. We are the same in a way."

"Hmm.. that's right I guess."

"You should really talk to Gyu though... he seems upset. I haven't ever seen him check-out this much."

"I will if you talk to Soobin."

"...nevermind."

"That's what I thought."

The two sat in silence and the Ferris wheel started to turn again. They were the same on the inside, and they didn't know how to process it. 

"What happened to Hyunsuk Hyung?"

"He got his girlfriend pregnant."

"Oh."

"Same age my mom got pregnant with me."

"She was a teen mom?"

"Yeah. I guess I similar to more people than I thought." He laughed.

"You should start telling people that."

"Why would I?"

"When you tell people that you have the same feelings or experiences as them, it makes them feel less lonely. It's nice to know you aren't crazy sometimes."

The words cut deep into Yeonjun. He didn't like to share his thoughts cause it made him feel vulnerable and weak, but if it made someone else feel better, he could do it more often.

"Actually... I am going to talk to Soobin."

32 days left.


	30. day 29

It began by asking everyone to leave, so they could talk. They all did, going to the hotel pool, knowing something serious was going on by the way Yeonjun spoke. He looked nervous. He and never was, at least to their knowledge.

The boy's hand down ran down the wood of the door after closing it behind them. He didn't want to turn around but Soobin's voice was so soft that he had to.

"Danny Hyung? What's wrong?"

Her chest felt tight and his lungs seemed impossibly smaller. He met the sight of Soobin standing there in pyjamas, slim frame behind one of the beds.

"Nothing... nothing is wrong."

"Then why do you want to talk? Did I do something?"

"No... I just need to tell you some things... about me, or about... us"

The tall boy nodded cutely, fluffy hair swinging in front of his eyes as he touched the fabric on top of the blanket.

Yeonjun stayed where he was, scared to move closer. 

"Do you know about love?"

"Mhm."

"What about being in love?"

"I don't know... no one's ever explained it to me."

The younger was confused, cheeks puffed out and lip subconsciously pouting, looking at Yeonjun who was trying to keep calm. He looked very nice. He had a white and black striped sweater on that was fluffy and smooth, and he wore black sweatpants that held his hands in pockets. His slanted eyes were glued to the base of the bed and they wouldn't leave. 

Something about what was happening made Soobin gulp, nerves growing. His hands were a little shaky and his throat felt hot and tense. He started lightly biting the inside of his cheek.

Yeonjun nodded at his answer but stayed quiet for a few minutes. Soobin stared at him, wondering what was happening as he pushed himself off the door he was leaning on and made his way to sit on the bed that he was standing by.

"A year ago I fell in love with a girl. I'd stay up all night to talk to her, and I'd drive her home every day from school... even if it meant I'd have less time to do homework and I'd be tired the next day. She would help me eat and take care of me when I was sad. She was really really pretty and I'd do anything for her. I thought she was the love of my life. But she never loved me back."

"Hyung why are you telling me this?"

The boy looked up with wide, scared eyes, and a trembling lip.

"Binnie, I like you more than I ever loved her."

"W-what?"

"I'm in love with you."

Soobin stomach filled with air and it felt like the wind was being knocked out of him. Yeonjun looked so vulnerable and helpless, being completely open with him. He looked back down, frowning and sniffling.

"I know I'm not supposed to. God doesn't want it. But every time I try not to be, it just gets worse. I can't stop coming to you. And I feel like everywhere I turn you are there being nice to me when I can't be nice to myself. And I know love is stupid, and that you don't love me back, and I'm just going to get hurt by telling you this. But Taehyun said I should. He said I need to stop bottling things up... I guess he's right. So you can reject me now, I've already mentally prepared before this. You can continuing liking kai and we can stop all the 'things' we've been doing.

Soobin feet finally moved from his spot on the floor and he climbed onto the bed, kneeling in front of his crossed legs and holding the sides of his face.

"Hyung." He whispered.

"W-what?"

"I don't like Kai."

"What?"

"Do you really think I would have done all those things with you if I didn't love you back?"

"B-but you did them with Beomgyu."

"I only kissed Beomgyu. We never went below the neck because I knew I didn't want to do that with someone unless I felt something for them."

"So you..."

"I love you too. I may have liked Kai at one point, but he has never EVER made me feel the way you do."

"Okay..."

Yeonjun let himself be enveloped in Soobin's arms, head on his chest. He had planned to be rejected, but having the feeling reciprocated was different. Now he had to deal with being.... maybe... just maybe... being a little bit gay.

"My Mom is gonna kill me." He cried, holding the back of Soobin's shirt tightly.

He could only think about the boy named Holland back home that got picked on so badly for liking boys that he took his own life. He didn't want to end up like that. 

"It's okay, it okay, we can get through it together. Mine will hate me too. We don't have to tell them."

"Really?"

"Mhm, together okay?"

"Together? Like.. boyfriends?"

"If that what you want."

"I.... think so."

Soobin backed his head up to look down at him. He smiled, he also looked nervous and scared for what this meant, but he was a lot more composed. He pushed a blonde piece of hair out his face and sat on his lap with either of his legs on his sides. 

"I love you, Danny." He mumbled in a shaky voice, kissing his cheeks and forehead.

"I love you too Bin."

Their lips connected. 

Every time they had kissed before it had been needy and sinful, but now with the confession of their deepest feelings exposed, worries and fears out in front of them, it was slow. Every turn of the head revealed how frightened they were, they trembled and clung onto each other's clothing, looking for something to stabilize them. Every move was almost doubtful and full of every last drop of embedded wrong teaches of how what they were doing was damnful. 

They were scared. But they loved each other. If what they were doing meant they couldn't go to heaven, then maybe they don't even want to go there, to begin with in the first place.

Yeonjun, between gentle kisses, moved a hand around the side of the other's jaw. 

"You are my heaven."

Soobin looked at him like it was the best thing he ever heard, eyes softening and skin getting covered in goosebumps. He pushed Yeonjun against the bed, automatically deciding what he was going to do. His long fingers curled around the cotton of his shirt and he started to pull it off.

"Wow, hey, shouldn't we wait?" Panicked yeonjun, grabbed his hand to stop him.

"I don't want to wait. We have to go home in a month, and I don't know when or if my parents will let us see each other. I need all of you... please."

"Are you sure?"

"Never been more certain."

Yeonjun looked at him for a few more seconds before grabbing his waist and pushing him off him in a caring way. He headed to the door.

"What are you doing? Are you leaving?"

"Never."

The lock of the door twisted and he came back slowly, just to crawl towards him on the mattress and cage him in his arms, his black hair hitting the pillow and a small kiss being put on his lips.

"I feel like I'm finally doing something right... even if I'm scared." He whispered, closing his eyes in anxiousness.

Yes, he had done this before. But never with a boy, and never with someone he genuinely had feelings for. It felt thousand times more intense and they had only kissed.

"I'm scared too... but a good scared." Soobin giggled, putting his hands on the back of his neck. "Show me this heaven you speak of."

Heaven collided with earth. 

When Soobin woke up in the middle of the night to being dressed in Yeonjun's striped sweater and a pair of boxers later, everyone else back from the pool and asleep, he felt tingling and happy to see Yeonjun cuddling against his side, eating a small back of nuts.

"You're eating?"

"Yeah."

"Willing?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"I did something right."

"What?"

"Choosing to let myself love you. This time I reward myself."

Soobin pulled him closer and smiled. They'd be just fine.

"Do you want to tell the others?"

"About what?"

"The boyfriend thing?"

"...no... not yet. I don't think I'm ready to come out."

"That's okay. What would you come out as?"

"Soobin-sexual."

The younger snorted and felt the older laughing against him. He felt happy and free. Free from his mom. Free from his dad. Free from the farm. Free from the church. And free from his life back home.

"I'm serious though. I think I'm still straight, I just have a thing for you... and that's okay... I think. I don't really want to label it."

"I'm proud of you."

"I'm proud of me too."

31 days left


	31. Day 30

**Camp David, Day 50, 10 days of camp left**

Yeonjun held a letter in his hand with messy handwriting, it was slightly crumbled and looked like it had been rushed.

_Hi Yeonjun Hyung! It's Soobin!_

The boy with now electric blue hair felt like all the worries of the past few days were slipping away. All the panicking he had done over wondering what had happened to him calmed.

_My parents left me alone for a few minutes, but they'll probably come back soon, so I have to hurry._

_I miss you so much... come get me when you leave camp okay? I don't want to be here anymore. You can drop me off somewhere like a homeless shelter if you don't want me staying with you, I just really hate it here. They sent me to a therapist yesterday, she was really mean and kept calling me bad words, saying I shouldn't love you. I always thought therapists were supposed to be nice._

_Did your mom come to get you after the directors called her? Is she being nice to you if she did? I hope she treats you better than my Dad is treating me, he can't even look at me without glaring... I think I disgust him... actually I know. He kinda told me when we were driving home. I thought he would wreck the car he was so angry._

_Just please come save me, Danny. I don't want to live with people who don't love me because of who I like._

_I love you. Hopefully, I'll see you soon_

_\- Soobin_

Yeonjun heart fell into his stomach.

It was his fault.

**Busan, Day 30, 30 days of camp left**

"Do you have everything?"

"I think so?"

"Well... then that's it I guess." Mumbled Hyunsuk, bag on his shoulders. "I'll text you guys? And write to you Soobin Hyung."

"Okay, we'll miss you!"

"I'll miss you all too."

"You better keep up on the promise of letting me babysit Hyunsuk Jr."

"I will, I will, but I'm not paying for the trip from Seoul to Daegu, that's on you."

"Yeah yeah, whatever."

Hyunsuk waved one last time and climbed into the cab he had called, shutting the door.

It was nice to hang out with him for the week, and they wished he could come to the rest of camp and not just the trip to Busan. But after all, he needed to get back to his Girlfriend and family that he'd have to break the news too.

"He's gonna be a good Dad."

"He already is... y'all acted like children all week."

"Says you!"

"Hey!"

Soobin and Kai flung at each other, grabbing noses and ears, and putting each other in headlocks. Just like children would, making the other three groan in annoyance at the unsurprising situation.

"C'mon on Stringbean let him go" Yeonjun stated, folding his arms.

"But Danny-"

"Nope- get back over here."

Soobin pouted and trudged back to Yeonjun's side, grumbling a "fine" while whining and pouting as he held back onto the handle of his mini suitcase.

Beomgyu titled his head, they seemed... different. They acted like he and Taehyun did before everything went down. They hadn't really talked all that much since then. It's not that Beomgyu didn't want to like he felt desperate to hear him call his name, but every time he'd come close to him he'd think about how he had made him so insecure that he wanted to call things off.

And he didn't realize how little he spoke with the others on a day-to-day basis until the silence that was him and Taehyun reached the walls of the now left behind hotel room as he walked onto the steps of the rental bus. He had started talked to his drawings and music again, just like before camp had started. Back when he had no friends.

Of course, it was just the same old songs, as usual, Waterparks, troye Sivan, and Lauv all being a common occurrence that blared through the high volume of his headphones.

He hated the bus. Really. And he hated the city streets, they were so crowded. Closing his eyes and listening to lyrics took his mind off it, but he kept getting distracted by the thought that Taehyun was no longer there trying to comfort him when he jumped at a honk of a car, or of an ambulance driving by. But still lyrics and beats helped more than doing nothing did.

_"As the smile fell from your face I fell with it. Our faces blue." - Song one_

The problem with his music taste was that it was mostly just really depressing mellowed-out songs. He used to like energetic and dancing melodies, but that somehow changed when he moved in with his Grandparents.

"And no matter what I do, I will never not think about you." - Song two

Every song was reminding him of what happened. He couldn't take his mind off what they both said to each other. Why wouldn't Taehyun just trust that he was find with his body being the way it was?

_"I wanna give you space but the amount between us is wrecking me" - Song Three._

He really didn't want to be just friends. But he knew that it's what the other wanted, but how distance they were being was absolutely ridiculous to him, and he only just realized it.

_"A handful of moments, I wished I could change. And a tongue like a nightmare that cut like a blade." - Song four._

He wished he had worded the things he said differently, so Taehyun could have better understood what he was trying to convey. He just wanted to make sure he was okay.

_"All your lights are red, but I'm green to go."- Song Five_.

But the fifth song he let in a sharp breath of air, police car driving past them with the sirens on, cutting through his music and making him gulp and lick his chapped lips that he had been biting at. Then an ambulance came, then they were stuck in traffic caused by an accident all the way at the end of the street. He didn't feel so good.

In the side of his vision, he saw Taehyun, who was on the other side of the bus, directly across from him, unbuckle his seat belt and look out the window like he knew what was happening before it even started. He pushed the grey hood of his sweater of, letting his messing blonde hair poof out, as he quickly pushed and climbed over Yeonjun and Soobin's legs to go across the aisle, ignoring scolding from camp directors and the few YCL's that had come with them on the trip that was now over.

Outside Beomgyu's window was rain, the window was fogging and it made the lights of the accident in front of him blurry, he saw panic-struck hands make Kai move to the seat closest to the bus Elise and Taehyun's warm fingers wrapped in his hoodie meet his face and pet his hair, forcing him to stop looking at the turned over car on the side of the city street.

"Don't look at it. Just look at me, yeah?" His voice was airy and rushed, he shouldn't be the one panicking, but he there he was, only worrying about others and not himself again.

He grasped the armrest between Beomgyu's seat and Kai's old one and pushed it up, sitting down and taking his hands.

"Don't you dare look out that window again."

"I-I won't"

Beomgyu tried not to slip. But he could feel his thoughts mushing together and his senses colliding into a blob of sounds and shapes.

"Nope, don't go out on me like that."

Little taps on his cheeks made him shake his head and to focus on Taehyun and shake off the feeling, or for better words lack of feeling.

"Talk to me. Keep talking, just say anything to get your mind off it."

"...I miss you."

That's not what Taehyun thought would come out of his mouth

"I feel like you've just left me. I thought we'd still be friends."

"W-we are Hyung."

"We aren't acting like it."

He's right. They had seemed like strangers for nearly forty-eight hours now.

"This is what you always get me to do when I checkout, talk about my feelings and what I see? Well, I feel like you've completely shut me out when you actually needed me. And I see that you are hurting, but you won't let me help you."

"Beomgyu-"

The bus started driving at its normal pace again, accident disappearing behind them.

"We don't have to date, or kiss, or whatever we were doing before, but just let me know what bothers you so you don't have to deal with it alone."

"...can we talk about this when we get back at camp? I don't want people to hear."

"So you can push off communicating again?

"That's not what I-"

"It is, I don't even know if you realize that either. I know you aren't doing it on purpose, but when you don't share your thoughts with me you can't expect me to understand."

"..."

"Just treat yourself the way you treat me."

"It's harder than it looks."

"I know, but it doesn't even seem like you're trying. You might be but I can't see that and I can't feel it, and you expect me to. I don't mean to seem harsh with you, but I'm telling you because you need to hear it. You hurting hurts me."

"It shouldn't."

"But it does. A relationship, romantic or not, can not work unless you accept that people care about you despite your insecurities. And I know I have stuff to work on as well, but I trust you to help me and tell me when I mess up, so please just let me do the same."

"But it's hard."

"Anything worth getting, is hard... am I worth the work? Because if I'm not I can just deal with that, but you can't just leave me hanging because you think I don't like a body part that shouldn't even matter. You have to tell me or I'm just going to keep coming back."

"You are." Taehyun sounded defeated, trapped into a corner that made him confront his own actions.

"Then show me that. Tell me that."

"I will."

30 days left


	32. Day 31

"Soobin you are already on top of me."

"But I wanna be closer!"

Beomgyu, kai, and Taehyun all exchanged weird looks. Soobin had not left Yeonjun alone all day, and now he had all his limbs wrap around his laying body on a bunk and was quite literally trying to poke his head through the neck hole of the shirt that he was already wearing.

"Yah!! It's only meant for one person!" 

"But Hyungie, we can share!"

"You're gonna rip it!"

Soobin's attempts stopped and the outline of his head was seen covered by the shirt on Yeonjun's stomach. You couldn't see it but he was pouting and sporting cute round sad eyes.

"What the heck."

Kai came over and poked his head through the shirt, laughing at him as if it was the funniest thing on the planet. 

"Hyung you have your own clothes what are you doing?" He giggled between words.

"He's warm, leave me alone you penguin-looking child."

"Hey! Your the one who looks like an overgrown bunny!"

"Ooooooh you're dead." 

Soobin squirmed in Yeonjun shirt, making everyone erupt in laughter at how he kept getting stuck and how Yeonjun kept yelping when the collar would pull his neck forward. 

"I- Soo- Ouch! This is why you wear your own- stOp!"

"Sorry, Danny!"

Soobin's head finally poofed out his shirt, hair static and sticking up funny on the top, his own shirt pulled at a weird angle. He looked around him adorably and stopped his sight on Kai, glaring and forming an evil smile. But before he could go at him (again) the cabin door opened. 

"I hope this is the right- oh yes, Hi Taehyun!"

"Mom! Dad!"

It was parent day, they almost forgot. Most parents remembered where their kid's cabins were so they didn't have to be led from the entrance, but Taehyun would have thought that he would have forgotten, so he planned to go get them later, but they were early. 

Soobin stared at the two figures at the door with shocked eyes and squeaked, getting off Yeonjun's legs and accidentally falling on the cabin floor with a thud. 

"Hey, we- oh my are you okay?"

"Y-yes ma'am!"

Taehyun's mom helped him up and wiped his shoulders off of dirt.

"Be more careful next time... Soobin right?"

"Yes, that's me. I w-will!"

Yeonjun was trying hard not to laugh on his bunk, choking back a smile at how funny and cute the younger boy was being in his state of embarrassment. 

"Are we the first ones?"

"Yes Dad, I think you are a bit early."

"Oh, I thought I saw another couple heading this way too, but I might have been wrong."

"Maybe, but can I talk to you two alone before the others come?" Asked Taehyun, ignoring the confused looks from the other boys. 

"Sure."

Taehyun smiled, knowing that it would be fine and that they wouldn't judge him for what he would say as he led them back out and around the side of the Cabin.

"What is it?"

"Okay, so I know you already had to deal with me being trans and stuff for like years now, but I have one more thing I want to let you know that might require some changing of viewpoints on things."

"Honey, are you trying to detransition?" Gasped his Mother. 

"What? No of course not, I just like boys."

"Oh... so you are gay then?"

"Well no? Maybe? I don't think it matters all that much, but I just want you to know that I definitely feel something towards males, maybe girls too."

"Is it cause of Beomgyu?"

Taehyun looked at his mother in shock.

"How did you-"

"I'm his therapist and psychiatrist, he's not exactly good at keeping a secret."

"So he told you?"

"No, but he definitely dropped hints."

"Oh."

"Are you dating?"

"Um, no? We are kind of taking a break to just be friends, or um... actually I don't know, it's all just confusing."

"That's okay. Thank you for telling us."

Taehyun's Dad pulled him into a hug and his mom soon followed. He was so lucky to have understanding parents. 

Of course, not everyone can be so accepting of their loved ones.

The second Soobin's parents arrived, they asked him if he knew about the YCL's that were "faggots" and if he was friends with them. He lied, saying he wasn't. And heavoided looking at Yeonjun and stepped as far away as he possibly could, he didn't want them thinking anything was going on between them too. For both his and his first boyfriend's sake. 

And Beomgyu's grandparents soon joined, being brought into the conversation led by Soobin's Dad and agreeing with him on all fronts. 

Taehyun and Kai's parents sat in silence. 

But the worst was when Yeonjun's Mom came with his Dad that he hadn't seen in fifteen years, both wearing shiny rings on their fingers that matched. 

"Daniel you've gotten so skinny!" Was the first thing she said when she walked in, making the crowded cabin look at them, then at Yeonjun's nervous face. 

"You haven't been starving yourself again, have you? Do I need to take you home and get you to help again?"

"No Mom..."

"Don't lie to your mother."

Yeonjun clenched his teeth at the sound of his Father's voice.

"I'm not. I've been eating fine, can we not talking about this... in front of everyone please?"

"But your face is all sunken in, and look how tiny your thighs have gotten."

Yeonjun flinched at her fingers on her face, and Soobin hesitantly looked at his own parents, they are the wide eyes and open mouths of all his friends. 

"Mrs. Choi, I mean this in the most respectful way I can, but he's been eating okay and I think you shouldn't bring something so personal up in front of people he doesn't know."

"Soobin! This is not your place!"

"But it's true!"

"She is your elder!"

"But Yeonjun is my friend!"

"No, he's right. I'm sorry Daniel, I'm just worried."

"It's fine...."

Yeonjun felt like everyone could see through the walls he built up, and he didn't like it one bit. Everyone stared at him during meals and Soobin's parents glared in disgust at every chance they got. His secret was out. No more pretending not to eat, and no more making excuses. 

"I don't think they like me." He whispered, disappointment and sadness present in his voice. 

They both needed a break from all the people during dinner, they escaped to the bathrooms and both let out a much-needed breath of relief the second the door closed. 

"They do, they are just... bad at showing it."

"They don't.And you know that."

"Yeah..."

"I knew already that they wouldn't like it if they knew we were dating. But I was at least hoping they wouldn't hate the sight of me." 

"They just don't get the eating thing that's all. They did it to my sister too before she moved out."

"It's not just the eating though. I'd been fine if it was only that, but they stare at my clothes, my hair, everything.

Yeonjun frowned at the shirt he was wearing that got a judgy look for. It was a big bang shirt. It was black and had a square picture in the center of Gdragon with a turtle-neck on, light makeup, and orange hair, and words written above him saying "Let's not fall in love." His pants were on the tighter side, light in denim colour and with holes at the knees. His shoes were white converse with yellow sunflowers he got Beomgyu to paint on them, and he had small dainty silver earrings and bracelets. He distinctly remembers the eyes that followed his accessorized wrists at the dinner table. 

"Danny it shouldn't matter what they think of you, they think carbonated drinks are the work of the devil."

"I know, I know, but they matter to you so they matter to me."

Yeonjun held his face, turning his own upwards a little due to the height difference, hands held his sides automatically in response. 

"They are your parents. I want them to like me simply because of that."

"I love you."

Yeonjun smiled, pecking his lips and pushed up the circular glasses that he had chose to wear today. 

Soobin felt important and seen. The entirety of his life back home was him trying to be noticed by his parents among his many siblings, trying to get approval from them by following all their rules, going to extra church lessons and studies, taking care of extra chores, and looking after his younger brothers and sisters when they couldn't. But he never got the comfort and praises he craved no matter what he did. 

He didn't have to try and work to get Yeonjun's attention. He gave it to him because he was him, not because he was attempting to be something that he'd think he'd want. It made him believe he was special. And he was. 

"I love you too Angel."

Angel. He began calling him that back at the hotel after they confessed.

When Yeonjun was a little kid, he would pray for an angel to come down from Heaven and give him love so he wouldn't be so lonely. He had friends, a lot of the at that. He was popular in middle school, just like he would later be in High school, but he never really felt like people cared for him the way he did to them. At Sunday school on day a preacher told him angels could sometimes appear as human, and help you when you need it the most. So he prayed and prayed for one to come to him.

Soobin came ten years later. An angel in the disguise of a boy with soft skin, silky hair, round cheeks, and a kind heart and mind. He's the nicest and most understanding and loving person he'd ever met. 

He prayed for Soobin. 

"Stop calling me that."

"But you are my Angel Buba. I'm going to tell everyone at the end of camp... about us, and me."

"What? You're sure? You don't have to."

"Yes. I may be terrified of what could happen. But you'll be there so I don't think it will be all that bad. "

29 days left


	33. Day 32

Beomgyu was trying to figure out how everything had gone wrong between them when it did. But Taehyun wasn't corroborating like he said he would on the bus. 

"What exactly started it?"

Taehyun shrugged, staying quiet as he played with Beomgyu's sweatshirt's strings. They were standing in the YCL's dorm in the miniature kitchen chest's nearly touching, Jungkook pushing past them to get the juice he was so obsessed with out of the fridge. 

"Tae... you have to talk to me."

He pursued his lips into a line and dropped the strings, ruffling his hair and sighing. 

"Well... I don't know."

"You don't know?"

He stopped and looked at his eyes, something behind them that he wasn't admitting, but then shook his head again and walked off to the main section of the cabin.

"Taehyun wait."

He reached for him but Jungkook stopped him, sipping on his juice with a hand on his chest, raising his brows.

"What?"

"Let him go."

"But we need to talk."

"Yeah, but he isn't ready. He's stressed out, just give it time he'll come around."

"How do you know that?"

"Taehyung did the same thing to me." 

"Oh."

Beomgyu had kept the short conversation with the boy in mind when the YCLs left to go to a camp-meeting, leaving them alone, Taehyun on Jimin's bunk, and Beomgyu on Hoseok's. But he's such an impatient person that he really couldn't hold back trying again.

"What if you don't have to tell me?"

".....uh what?"

"What if we just like... use code words? Like spies that flirt together?"

"Beomgyu I have no idea what you are getting at right now."

He huffed and sat up straight, head nearly hitting the bunk above him. 

"Ok listen, I'm not saying we have to do what we did last time, but like we could do something else and we use certain words when you feel insecure. Like ones for if you want me to stop, or if you want comfort, or if you just wanna be alone, maybe even if you just want me to change something up?

"Didn't they do that in fifty shades of grey?"

"You actually watched that?"

"Yes?"

"Really- that's not the point! It's not to be that freaky and weird, it's for heathy communication purposes."

"Okay sure, we can do it"

Beomgyu smiled in victory and stood up to walk over to his excitement. He was buzzing and practically jumped onto the bunk the other was on. 

"Are you okay with trying what we did last time? Ya know before you panicked and went all monster boy?"

"Friends don't really- aren't supposed to-"

"Kang Taehyun." He sassed, folding his arms. 

"What?"

"Be honest. Do you really want to be JUST friends?"

"...no."

"Okay thats what I thought. I shall ask again then Are you okay with what we were doing last time before you panicked?"

"Yes, I think so."

"Think so?"

"Okay yes I am sure, just do it."

Within seconds Beomgyu repeated his actions from back in the hotel. He grabbed the back of his knees and pulled him across the mattress towards him, making him let out nearly the same exact surprised noise from the first time.

"Geez Gyu."

"Sorry, I forgot how light you are."

Beomgyu hands rested on his thighs, a different feeling from the last time because he was wearing shorts instead of pants, his warm skin brushed his.

"Make a word for how you are feeling now."

"Candy."

"Does it have a positive meaning?"

"Yes."

"Okay good."

Beomgyu grinned as he saw his cheeks flush. He missed this kind of thing with him. He came down, body between his thighs, and he kissed his lips so softly that Taehyun barely felt it, then he asked for another word.

"Still Candy.... but like an aggressive candy."

The older held himself up with his palms by the sides of his head and started laughing in disbelief.

"Aggressive? Why aggressive?"

Taehyun glared and pinched the skin on his neck, making him hiss out.

"Ow!"

"Aggressive candy means shut up and kiss me longer than that."

"Damn okay your royal highness."

He came back down and kissed him again. It was only really their fourth or fifth kiss if you counted the one from seconds before, but it still seemed like it was the first time they had ever done it. Hands began to travel into hair and hook onto the back of a thighs, chests got closer. Laughing filled the room, as it felt a lot more light-hearted than the last time they could be found like this. They couldn't stop smiling and eventually couldn't even kiss properly. 

"S-stop making me l-laugh"

"I'm not doing anything, you stop making me laugh!"

"I'm not doing anything either!"

Their cheeks hurt and Beomgyu tried to calm down and get serious again, but still, he wore a comedically wide smile when he pressed a slow kiss below Taehyun's jaw and ear. The sensation on his neck made his laughter die off and close his eyes, enjoying it a little too much. 

"Candy?" Beomgyu whispered against the outline of his Adam's apple.

"C-Candy."

"You have a sensitive neck don't you Taetae?"

"Shut up or I'm saying expired candy next time."

Beomgyu choked a chuckle back between kisses and squeeze his side. "Stop being funny, you are giving me conflicting feelings." 

"You the one teasing me!"

"Hey, I can always bite you as I did in the shower...."

Taehyun felt cold go up his shirt and metal of rings decorating delicate soft fingers hit his ribs, making his muscles twitch in shock. Beomgyu's hands stopped as he saw Taehyun move at his touch. 

"Do you need another word?"

"Yes, please."

"Okay, what is it?"

"....um..... rainbow."

"Negative?"

"No."

"Positive."

"Positive, but scared of negative."

"Does it mean to stop?" 

"Umm... not yet, just... um... keep going for now."

Beomgyu examined him, his pupils were wide and his face was tensed a little. He didn't want to make him uncomfortable so they could avoid a repeat of last time, but he said it was fine. He checked his body language one last time before moving his kisses down to his stomach, one hand on his hip, and one against the skin on the outside of his ribs. 

"Still rainbow?"

"Yea."

His breathing was going too fast to just to be rainbow, and he was nervously biting at his lip and tugging on his brown hair a little too tight to be enjoyable. 

"Are you sure? Completely sure?"

"...yes."

He still stopped his lips from meeting his stomach and he looked at him suspiciously, raising an eyebrow in doubt as he messed with the waist of his shorts, waiting for him to say something.

"Not rainbow. S-stop"

He quickly sat up and backed away so he wasn't touching him. 

"You okay, you're fine. Make a word and then you need to explain why that freaks you out."

Taehyun clenched his fists and pulled his raised shirt down, still laying down the same way. 

"Alien." He let out, keeping his eyes shut tight as he caught his anxious breath. 

Beomgyu waited calmly, watching him rub his face and close his legs that use to be open wide enough for him to lay between. He kept tugging his shirt down, even though it had already been covering everything. And after a few silent minutes, he finally spoke, eyes opening and looking up at the bunk held above him.

"If you take off my shorts that means you can take off my underwear, and that means you'll see me and be disappointed."

He really had to take a second and process that one. It was bizarre and lacked logical reasoning. 

"I- what? Taehyun, are you serious?"

"Very."

"Oh my god, I don't care what you have in your pants, do you really see me as that shallow?"

"No, but it's still not... it's not what you want."

"What I want, is you. And how could you not be you when you are literally in every way possible you?"

"But what if being me makes you lose feelings?"

"I'm not going to lose feelings over something so silly, please."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

Taehyun shut his eyes again and nodded, shyly opening his legs again and reaching out to pull Beomgyu back in by his shirt. 

"Candy."

"Wait? All of the sudden? What about Alien? What about the rainbow?"

"I trust you."

"How far do you want me to go?"

"Just... don't take anything off but my shorts and shirt, whatever you can do with me like that I'm fine with."

"Okay, prince."

"... I missed you calling me that."

Of course, to Taehyun's wish they didn't end up doing too much. Of course, they did more than before and it definitely would have been awkward if someone walked in on them, but it still made them both happy that they had gotten that far with another unnecessary argument surfaced. They knew what line they couldn't cross and it made Taehyun less anxious and insecure about maybe being with him in the future if he ever would ask or want to go to that step with him

"Did we really just do that on Jimin's bed?"

"Yes?"

"Eh, they'll be fine."

"I'll get another lecture though if they find out."

"They won't find out!"

"Yes, they will! They have eyes everywhere!"

A pillow collided with Beomgyu's head and Taehyun pulled back on his shirt and shorts, rushing off the bunk giggling. 

"Do you enjoy causing me pain?!"

"Yes, it's hilarious."

28 days left.


End file.
